KSTL

Hi, I'm Chris, I'm 25 and I've been drinking, smoking, snorting, popping, for about 7 years. 4 months ago I decided enough was enough and I stopped. First I stopped pills, then 1 week later stopped smoking and drinking. It's been hard, I thought that fireworks were gonna go off and my life would start shaping up nicely once I stopped, turns out that wasn't the case, I'm as unhappy now as I've ever been. I've used religion and my relationship with god to get to where
I'm at now. I keep telling myself to just muscle through the first year and it wi get better but I don't want this to be a miserable process, this should be a celebration not torture. I've been consumed with what I'm going to do career wise and I'm not exactly getting anywhere, I'm getting as frustrated as right before I stopped using. I want things to change and will go to any extent to make my life better. I want love, the ability to be generous, money, success, I want to effect people, probably more so than sobriety, I thought sobriety would be a way to speed up the process. I want to smile more, I want to laugh more, I want to connect to more people, I want meaningful relationships, i want a relationship with my parents. It seems as though nothing changed when I stopped using except no drugs were used. I still like to go out and do the same things I would do when I was using except I don't use. I don't know where to turn, the advice I get is to go to NA meetings. I went to two of them and I didn't like it but I can't stop thinking about it. I question the program a lot and I find myself really really not wanting to go. But at the same time I would do anything to improve my life. Don't know what to do, feeling like I should suck it up and give the 90/90 thing a shot but I really don't want to sign up for a life of constant reminders that I have a drug problem. How do I commit to that when I didn't use NA to begin with? Any honest feedback is greatly appreciated.

least

Welcome to SR! It takes time to even out our lives after drinking/using. And besides not using, what other changes have you made in your life? I had to change my whole way of thinking to stop drinking and stay happily sober.

I hope we can help you find the answers you're looking for.

PurpleKnight

Yeah it's tough, because becoming sober doesn't solve all the problems in life, it just means in the morning your fresh and not numb to all those problems, most of us used alcohol/substances for that reason to escape from the present, and so becoming sober means we have to feel/think/experience life as it is.

One of the dangers is focusing on those negative things in life, that could cause a relapse to escape from it all once again.

Instead taking small steps on the aspects of life you want to improve is the way forward, things will change as the benefits of sobriety will build strong foundations in those areas, but it will take time, it's about hanging in there and working at it, but with a clear head it will be easier rather than going back to where you where before becoming sober!

Leana

Hi Chris- My daughter (age 24) is experiencing a lot of the same feelings you are. She is working on 4 months sober, and other than not drinking or using drugs, her life isn't much better than before, in fact, it's probably worse. She has very few sober friends, she does NA and AA and did the 90/90 but found most people didn't want a relationship outside of the meetings. She is bored and doesn't want to give up her sobriety but I find her asking "isn't there more?" often. I posted this yesterday, with so many people on this site looking for friends so why is it so hard to find sober people in "real life"? (You don't happen to live in PA, do you?? I'd set you two up! haha).

KSTL

Thank you! I was nervous about the responses I was going to get. As far as changes
I've made aside from stop using, I've started going
To church, praying regularly, writing, more
Reading, I started going to the gym. As far as mentally I can't say thAt much has changed. I say no much more than I used to. Me and my gf don't get along as much as we used to. I want my mental state to change I just don't know where to turn and I hope that na isn't the only answer.

Hawkeye13

Great job with 4 months KSTL!

It does take time to clear the alcohol and drugs from your system
as least says--beyond that you will have some healing and "rewiring"
since your body is trained to respond to the stimulants of drugs and alcohol.

Things may feel flat for awhile, and your mood will swing quite a bit.
However, the longer you are sober, the better and clearer you will feel.

It took me about a year to start feeling "normal" most of the time
and that will vary depending on your usage, body type, emotional make-up,
stress levels, etc.

So please be patient, eat good food, get plenty of sleep and try to have fun.
Let the process work and I think all those things you are hoping for will begin
to come true. Keep posting here also--that really helps!

coraltint

I remember feeling exactly like that about AA: why would I want to sit in a room full of people talking about how we can't drink anymore?! What a drag. All I can tell you is that after going to a lot of them because I didn't know what else to do, it started to be something I enjoyed. It isn't sitting around bummed out that I can't drink. Sometimes a new guy comes in & he's obviously feeling that way. We gently suggest that he keep coming back until it happens for him too.

Good luck, keep coming here!

Mikie9

For me I don't know how to relate to sober folks yet. I don't have enough experience yet, like they do. It is getting better and I am feeling more confident with each passing day.

But unfortunately, it isn't a switch you flip. We chose to spend our time getting F'd up instead of living a "normal" life, with "normal" people. It is going to take some time to catch up. As far as I can tell so far, there is no easy button. You have to stick to the change and learn to live again. I have found remembering how I lived before I went down this road helps me figure that out. using again does nothing but put off one of two things. You go thru this change again later, or you die having never lived life to it's fullest. Sometimes a tough choice, but that is the choices I have presented to me right now.

KSTL

Leanne, that's interesting, I find myself questioning whether or not other kids my age are
Going through the same thing. Its good to hear that I'm not the only one.

That's something else that I question. Do NA guys like sobriety or do they like the
Program? Is someone 5 years clean, in the same
Place mentally as someone 5 years clean who didn't use aa or NA?

KSTL

I'm not from PA btw, Leanne. NY though!

Anna

As far as AA/NA, I believe that the motivation you have is more important than the program you choose. Personally, I have not used AA and I have changed enormously, through my own work, from the person I was when I was drinking. There are many routes to recovery, so don't let that be a stumbling block.

Reading your posts, I wonder if you've talked to your dr about possible depression? It could be possible that medication might help.

KSTL

My mom said that the other day, and I felt almost baffled that she thought that. I never considered myself someone who is depressed. I have good days and bad days. I could be depressed, I don't know. However, I would never take meds to deal with it.

jaynie04

Hey KSTL. I went to inpatient rehab this summer and had 3 or 4 young guys around your age in my small group every day, they were all there for drugs mostly. I learned something from these guys, I think they all benefited from each other, and it was interesting (I'm 48 ) to see that the bonds they formed would likely be really helpful to them when we got to the outside. I know we talk a lot about addiction/alcoholism being one in the same, but I do think that when you have been on the drugging side for a while, there is a cultural aspect to it. I think because drugs are for the most part illegal it does add another dimension to the addiction aspect, and I think acknowledging that and finding a community of people who understand you and your past would be helpful in sobriety.

I am not a member of any program, so I am just passing on what I noticed with guys who sounded similar. I would give NA a bit more time, and maybe try to hit some different meetings. You sound very intelligent and motivated and I think at the beginning throwing everything you have at sobriety is the easiest (yes I did say easiest) way to do it. From what I know, NA is younger and you probably could meet some guys who are where you are at, or have been there. I know that the good will and camaraderie I saw among these guys when I was with them was really inspirational, and if you can believe it we laughed our butts off even though we were climbing telephone poles in the desert in 110 degrees!

Hevyn

Welcome KSTL! I'm so glad you joined us - and congratulations on your 4 months. Be proud of that.

I definitely felt the same way in the early months of being sober. I'd relied on it so heavily for many years. I was a little lost & sorry for myself - although very thankful to be alive and sober. You'll go through many phases as you heal from what you put yourself through. It won't always feel like this. I do think it's a good idea to talk to a doctor. We are happy to have you with us!

KSTL

Thank you for the responses from everybody! I like the support that you're all showing and everyone seems honest. I don't know what I'm going to I as far as meetings are concerned. I almost want try on my own first. I do feel like sometimes I have problems relating with other people in my position, maybe meetings would be good to way to meet. To the people saying I should see a dr. Did you see a dr when you were early in your sobriety? Isn't medicating to deal with life what I've been doing for the past 7 years. Maybe I feel this way because I've never truly felt emotions and dealt with life in a difficult time, even if I was using. 25 has been the craziest year of my life regardless. If I went to a dr tomorrow, I have a feeling he would tell me I have bipolar depression. If I went in three months ago, I don't know if I'd be diagnosed at all. Is seeing a dr the most helpful thing to do?

Br00ksie

AA has helped me a lot in terms of seeing a change in my mentality. When I was 24 (6 years ago) I was addicted to pain pills and tried an NA meeting and was horrified and never went back.

I now go to daily AA meetings and find that a TON of people in the program had multiple addictions/did multiple drugs.

When I introduce myself in AAA meetings I say my name and then I say "I'm an alcoholic and an addict." Which a lot of people in AA say. It means you don't only have a drinking problem, but a substance problem.

I also go to MA (marijuana anonymous) because I was a ginormous pothead, which also helps keep my mentality in check.

The main reason I go to meetings is to get out of my own head for at least an hour a day and listen to others share their experience, strength and hope.

You're on the right track! I hope you find what works for you!

fountain

quite a lot depends on why you turned to those things in the first place. the 12 step programme is very useful and worthwhile keeping on you for a quick reminder. church is great, i also swapped alcohol for jesus and found that although it didn't solve every problem i have, it was a very good swap!

Willdoit

Great post, it is hard to find sober people...what a thought but true where I am

IOAA2

Hi. I've been a AA advocate for + 30 years now and marvel at its successes for people who give it a good try and want sobriety as a life style. Its worked saving millions of suffering who wanted it.
It's not very successful perhaps going to a few meetings and expecting success for life. There is a lot of work involved by people who get honest with themselves about their drinking. Many who are successful get involved in the fellowship, not just sit in at a meeting and then leave.
I don't know of another recovery program that its members create such tight bonds because of understand each other and being in close proximity of each other.

JMO

BE WELL

Markdad3

Great posts everyone. When I was younger I went to NA and AA. I wish I would have stayed. When I was young I looked at the differences between me and others at the tables, age, position, etc, no I just see the similarities. Give it a chance. It is about the way addicts and alcoholics think. You might be experiencing PAWS. Check it out on Google.
I hope you stay clean without help, but if you cant stand the wheels in your head spinning, try the fellowship of AA. Lots of addicts go there. Good luck friend. Enjoy the road!