So my bf repalsed.
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So my bf repalsed.
This is the third time in the past 2 years. I did a lot of things, same as most of you. Well, we had a fight on Thursday. I went back to my parent's place to just take a break from the craziness in life (not drug). He told me he needs a break to think about what was going on (relationship problem).
Long story short, during the first couple few days, I was upset & miserable, but I was not sure what to do. But I tried to be positive and told myself stop bragging this time. So I decided not to contact him until my mind is clear. However, I missed him and I checked on him. And found out he used again that night after half a year of sobriety. I went over to stop him. It was dis-hearting to see him high (first time I saw it). But I left that night after stop him and make sure he didn't have any drug left, instead of staying like before. Also, I told his parents. His parents kicked him out on the next day (this is the third warning he had). He is staying with his brother right now. He texted me on Monday and said he packed my stuffs while packing his, so it's easier for me to take them with me. And he asked me how much he owes me and wants to pay me asap. I helped him to PS4 couple weeks ago and couple traffic light regulation fines in the last year. (He knows I need money as I'm moving right now)
He told me we do not have to end the relationship. He just needs time to fix himself. I'm not sure what he will do to fix it, he is not going to any meeting. He does go to gym a lot. But like the last half a year, he tried to stay healthy and went to the gym few days a week too. But he just out of the blue used it again on one night.
I dunno what to do. I rented a place on Sunday. (yes, in just a few days) And it's "home" that I like. I got friends helping to buying furniture and moving around. I was blessed. But I'm still misery, lost and empty. I miss him. He does text me every day. I want him to text me, but I know if I still keep in touch, I miss him more. My inner me is tearing me apart. I'm at work right now, I have been reading this forum the whole morning, I couldn't concentrate. I cancelled my night course which this week is the last week and final exam next week. I have the standing of A of this course, but I know I cannot concentrate to study & I tried to finish the final project last week, which I just couldn't. I'm so lost...one side of me is telling me I need to love myself, but the other side keeps telling me I miss him and want him back.
P.S. He texted me 2 days ago offers to help me to move my stuffs from his parents home to my new place on Saturday. I accepted it already. But I dunno, I'm afraid I will miss him more after I see him on Saturday. But I also miss him so much I want to see him too.
And this time, I realize FINALLY no matter what I did to help him, to love him, to care about him. When he reaches his weak point, he will forget everything we did together and what he promised. It was horrible that night when I saw him high and the way he talked to him. That was the first time I saw in my life.
Long story short, during the first couple few days, I was upset & miserable, but I was not sure what to do. But I tried to be positive and told myself stop bragging this time. So I decided not to contact him until my mind is clear. However, I missed him and I checked on him. And found out he used again that night after half a year of sobriety. I went over to stop him. It was dis-hearting to see him high (first time I saw it). But I left that night after stop him and make sure he didn't have any drug left, instead of staying like before. Also, I told his parents. His parents kicked him out on the next day (this is the third warning he had). He is staying with his brother right now. He texted me on Monday and said he packed my stuffs while packing his, so it's easier for me to take them with me. And he asked me how much he owes me and wants to pay me asap. I helped him to PS4 couple weeks ago and couple traffic light regulation fines in the last year. (He knows I need money as I'm moving right now)
He told me we do not have to end the relationship. He just needs time to fix himself. I'm not sure what he will do to fix it, he is not going to any meeting. He does go to gym a lot. But like the last half a year, he tried to stay healthy and went to the gym few days a week too. But he just out of the blue used it again on one night.
I dunno what to do. I rented a place on Sunday. (yes, in just a few days) And it's "home" that I like. I got friends helping to buying furniture and moving around. I was blessed. But I'm still misery, lost and empty. I miss him. He does text me every day. I want him to text me, but I know if I still keep in touch, I miss him more. My inner me is tearing me apart. I'm at work right now, I have been reading this forum the whole morning, I couldn't concentrate. I cancelled my night course which this week is the last week and final exam next week. I have the standing of A of this course, but I know I cannot concentrate to study & I tried to finish the final project last week, which I just couldn't. I'm so lost...one side of me is telling me I need to love myself, but the other side keeps telling me I miss him and want him back.
P.S. He texted me 2 days ago offers to help me to move my stuffs from his parents home to my new place on Saturday. I accepted it already. But I dunno, I'm afraid I will miss him more after I see him on Saturday. But I also miss him so much I want to see him too.
And this time, I realize FINALLY no matter what I did to help him, to love him, to care about him. When he reaches his weak point, he will forget everything we did together and what he promised. It was horrible that night when I saw him high and the way he talked to him. That was the first time I saw in my life.
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I also took half of an anti-depressant pill this morning. But I guess it hasn't kick in yet. I wasn't able to sleep at night & eat. The first 3 days, I only slept 2 hours. Last night, I finally slept 5 hours. From Saturday til now, I only ate a piece of toast, and slice of pizza and a bagel. I didn't have any appetite. Just forcing myself to swallow.
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No. I didn't this time. I realized he is an adult. Even though there is something happens in our life, there is other things he can do instead of using drugs to escape.
The fight. It was about porn. He watches too much, everyday. I don't mind about it first, I understand people do watch it sometimes. But I told him I wasn't happy that he watches it everyday, especially we were living together. He promised me, but after 2 months, it still the same, everyday. He sneaks to washroom to watch it or whenever I go out. So I told him that affects our relationship.
The fight. It was about porn. He watches too much, everyday. I don't mind about it first, I understand people do watch it sometimes. But I told him I wasn't happy that he watches it everyday, especially we were living together. He promised me, but after 2 months, it still the same, everyday. He sneaks to washroom to watch it or whenever I go out. So I told him that affects our relationship.
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That's a whole other addiction. Sounds like he has many addictive tendencies.
Addicts are really good at hiding their true colors... even from themselves. How do you know hes been clean the whole time?? What if this is just a binge among the functional using?
Addicts are really good at hiding their true colors... even from themselves. How do you know hes been clean the whole time?? What if this is just a binge among the functional using?
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porn can make a girl feel very insecure. I agree it is a completely different addiction, and has nothing to do with you or your beauty. It is a drug, and can be difficult to put down.
what do you want to do now that you know your BF is using? have you done anything to protect your finances? do you know the 3 C's? They apply to the drugs and porn as well:
you did not cause it.
you cant control it.
you cant cure it.
sending hugs,
Lily
what do you want to do now that you know your BF is using? have you done anything to protect your finances? do you know the 3 C's? They apply to the drugs and porn as well:
you did not cause it.
you cant control it.
you cant cure it.
sending hugs,
Lily
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Financial was never our problems before. He makes less than me, but he pays most of the time. Very very seldom he lets me pay. N he doesn't have any access of my bank account. I bought him stuffs sometimes, but he always pays me back. He even told me on Tuesday how much did I spend on the ps4 I got him couple weeks ago and the traffic light fine I got a month ago, he wants to give him some money because I moved out last weekend.
N now I moved out and he got kick out from his parents place. I'm not sure what to do yet. I didn't see him since last Saturday I saw him high. He said he will go back to his parents house and helps me moving my stuffs tomorrow. He told me to take his tv and other things that I might need for my new place. He is staying with his brother at a basement suite. He only got a mattress there. I don't think he can use it at his brother place since he has no room and privacy there. He is at a pretty low point right now. But I think it's not his rock bottom yet because he still thinks he can get clean himself. For me I think he needs to go to the meetings and get some helps. I dunno. I will not let him stay with my new place. He can come to see a move here once a week or something like this. But I try to learn to make myself happy without doing activities with him right now, it's hard, I miss him, just like tonight it's friday, I'm home alone. But I'm trying
Any suggestion.
N now I moved out and he got kick out from his parents place. I'm not sure what to do yet. I didn't see him since last Saturday I saw him high. He said he will go back to his parents house and helps me moving my stuffs tomorrow. He told me to take his tv and other things that I might need for my new place. He is staying with his brother at a basement suite. He only got a mattress there. I don't think he can use it at his brother place since he has no room and privacy there. He is at a pretty low point right now. But I think it's not his rock bottom yet because he still thinks he can get clean himself. For me I think he needs to go to the meetings and get some helps. I dunno. I will not let him stay with my new place. He can come to see a move here once a week or something like this. But I try to learn to make myself happy without doing activities with him right now, it's hard, I miss him, just like tonight it's friday, I'm home alone. But I'm trying
Any suggestion.
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Are you still driving him to work and picking him up? Did he lose his job?
Usually by the time we can visually see them high.. they have been using for more time than we know of. It's hard to admit we believed them.. or that they can be so cunning and deceptive. For whatever reason it hurts to find out that our trust has been betrayed.
I would recommend pampering yourself a little bit. Your in the middle of moving... because of whatever the reason and it's sure to raise your stress level.
It's best if he can go to a long-term program so he can make a future for himself. They are free. They will teach time management, and basic life skills. Like, saving money, buying a car and paying bills. It can also get him ready for continued education or skilled labor trade, or retail/food industry job. He needs to know that HE can do this.. but wisdom is knowing that getting help is strength. There's a lot of strength in admitting you can't do it alone. That doesn't mean you. With this disease... the more you give to it.. the worse it gets.
It's tricky.. because convincing him is futile and draining. You can lead a goat to water ... but you cant make him drink.
Good luck.
Usually by the time we can visually see them high.. they have been using for more time than we know of. It's hard to admit we believed them.. or that they can be so cunning and deceptive. For whatever reason it hurts to find out that our trust has been betrayed.
I would recommend pampering yourself a little bit. Your in the middle of moving... because of whatever the reason and it's sure to raise your stress level.
It's best if he can go to a long-term program so he can make a future for himself. They are free. They will teach time management, and basic life skills. Like, saving money, buying a car and paying bills. It can also get him ready for continued education or skilled labor trade, or retail/food industry job. He needs to know that HE can do this.. but wisdom is knowing that getting help is strength. There's a lot of strength in admitting you can't do it alone. That doesn't mean you. With this disease... the more you give to it.. the worse it gets.
It's tricky.. because convincing him is futile and draining. You can lead a goat to water ... but you cant make him drink.
Good luck.
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Posts: 5,103
[QUOTEHe is at a pretty low point right now][/QUOTE]
What about YOU? Aren't you at a pretty low point as well?
Where has HIS addictions taken YOU? We know where they are taking him, but what about YOU?
What's your deal breaker?
What about YOU? Aren't you at a pretty low point as well?
Where has HIS addictions taken YOU? We know where they are taking him, but what about YOU?
What's your deal breaker?
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No. I don't drive him to work anymore since we don't live together now. He is living with his brother. He still have job and he actually worked OT on last 2 Saturdays too.
I really don't think he was using while we were living. Because he spent most of the time at home with me. He cut most of his friends out. And he only used a debit card so I can see all the transactions, no credit card. If he took out cash from the bank, I will ask him where did it go. And usually just $20. So unless he could get it for free, otherwise, he didn't have money to buy drugs. That was the reason I knew he was using on the second night I left home, because he took $120 cash out that night. But still. I was hurt and disappointment of all the effort we did together for the whole year, just because we had an argument and needed time to cool down.
Myself, yes. I'm sad and lonely sometimes. I miss him a lot since we were living together before. But I am in the process of moving right now. So it keeps myself busy.
His addiction made me lost myself. I almost tried to keep him happy and feels love everyday. So I forgot my own well being and happiness. Sometimes, there is thing that I don't like or upset, but I don't want to express myself because I think it will frustrate him, then he will stress out and think of using it again. So I just took it myself. But after a long period of time, I explored and I couldn't take it anymore and I hated what I was doing, especially to myself.
I really don't think he was using while we were living. Because he spent most of the time at home with me. He cut most of his friends out. And he only used a debit card so I can see all the transactions, no credit card. If he took out cash from the bank, I will ask him where did it go. And usually just $20. So unless he could get it for free, otherwise, he didn't have money to buy drugs. That was the reason I knew he was using on the second night I left home, because he took $120 cash out that night. But still. I was hurt and disappointment of all the effort we did together for the whole year, just because we had an argument and needed time to cool down.
Myself, yes. I'm sad and lonely sometimes. I miss him a lot since we were living together before. But I am in the process of moving right now. So it keeps myself busy.
His addiction made me lost myself. I almost tried to keep him happy and feels love everyday. So I forgot my own well being and happiness. Sometimes, there is thing that I don't like or upset, but I don't want to express myself because I think it will frustrate him, then he will stress out and think of using it again. So I just took it myself. But after a long period of time, I explored and I couldn't take it anymore and I hated what I was doing, especially to myself.
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gabriel, I can hear through your words that you are a caring person.
You can't fix him. He is a grown man stuck in his addiction mode. There is nothing you can do. Try not to worry to much about what he is doing and where he will live. These are his choices and his business. It's not you to stop him from using. YOU CANNOT STOP HIM!
We have all tried to stop our love ones from using.
It's best that you detach and love him from a distance. If he contacts you and want to "help" tell him thank you but until he is healthy again do you want contact. If it makes you feel better have a few numbers of rehabs on hand that he can call.
Having a relationship with an addict can totally make your lose yourself.....step back and work on you. Get some help; get some support via Alanon/Naranon; SR; codependent groups; read some books about enabling/codependency.
Keep your chin up!
You can't fix him. He is a grown man stuck in his addiction mode. There is nothing you can do. Try not to worry to much about what he is doing and where he will live. These are his choices and his business. It's not you to stop him from using. YOU CANNOT STOP HIM!
We have all tried to stop our love ones from using.
It's best that you detach and love him from a distance. If he contacts you and want to "help" tell him thank you but until he is healthy again do you want contact. If it makes you feel better have a few numbers of rehabs on hand that he can call.
Having a relationship with an addict can totally make your lose yourself.....step back and work on you. Get some help; get some support via Alanon/Naranon; SR; codependent groups; read some books about enabling/codependency.
Keep your chin up!
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