waterboy68

Before I even started this post, I realized the first word typed was "I". It all boils down to selfishness with me, I am coming to realize. I am terribly depressed about having to quit drinking, being forced into recovery as the only means to save my marriage. I have been sober only a few days, having quit October 8th, but having two slight setbacks of a couple of beers negated my days of abstinence. Now, 5 days in and the depression is worse than it has been in the last 6-7 weeks COMBINED... I am pushing my wife and family away, unintentionally, but never-the-less it is how they are feeling... I can only think of the "fun" I perceive to be missing with friends and family over the long holiday weekend enjoying themselves with parties, socializing and of course partaking in drink...I am overwhelmed with sadness that my life will never have joy or happiness. I feel as though I have been in a wake or funeral for the last 2-3 days without end in sight. I have read many of the messages posted on this site about how things get better, but it is many days, weeks and months before seeing any positive results in most cases, which continues my downward spiral of depressive thoughts...I know I have a bad case of the "poor me's" right now and a huge serving of selfishness on my plate. I am trying to cope the best I can, just having trouble seeing the light.

Dee74

I just posted about this

Most of us make the mistake of fearing early recovery is as good as it gets. It's not
Very few could stay sober if that was the case.

You will have fun again, you will have a full life, you will find joy, and contentment and all those things that we so wanted to find when we drank.

But before you get to the good stuff you gotta trudge a bit.

It's rough - many of us drank for years and it takes a little time for our minds and bodies to heal, but they will - have faith.

Doing something for someone else is a great way to smash the poor mes. I recommend volunteering in your community if that's something you can consider

If you have a history of depression, please consider seeing your Dr - sometimes problems need professional input.

least

I used to wonder what I'd do if I couldn't drink. Now I know. I can do anything, and do it better sober. I have no worries about driving or doing stupid things or my health. I am finally free.

Please don't see this as some sort of torture. It's the beginning of better things but it takes time to get there. Be patient. It will get better. And do see your doctor about the depression.

waterboy68

Thank You D. I see many of your inspiring post's on here and I really appreciate the input.

Dee74

good to have you join us jmeg

D

suki44883

Do you have a support system, jmeg? Just not drinking is hard, Hard, HARD! You might want to consider AA or AVRT or LifeRing, or one of the other support groups where you can get face-to-face support from others who have gone through the same things you are going through now.

I've found that looking at alcohol as something I'm missing out on is detrimental to my sobriety. Instead of feeling like I'm missing out on the fun, I need to remember the hell that drinking brought into my life. The hangovers, the DWI, the feeling half sick every day at work, the calling out sick, the blackouts, finding out things I said and did and don't remember. Alcohol is not our friend.

Mikie9

I felt the same way the first few days too, and I posted here about them and was told by most that they felt the exact same way. Keep posting your feelings here and let us respond.

The first thing that struck me hard was it wasn't just not drinking, but having to replace that time with something else, and that takes a little while. How long depends on how hard you work at it. Heck, my third night or so I got so down and out and didn't know what to do. So I started doing jumping jacks until i couldn't take anymore. After a little while, I did it again. I repeated this until I could not stand it anymore.

Depression is a beast, if it isn't letting up please see a Dr. But also remember the first few days are probably going to be like this until you do something, anything other than drinking that makes you feel something, anything.

Best of luck new friend. Hang out and we will get thru this together.

waterboy68

Yes, I have been going to AA meetings and have reached out to a sponsor, but still early in the program.

waterboy68

Thanks Mikie. MAN, I already feel tons better just posting on here tonight and getting the feedback. It's a GODSEND and I am very grateful to have found you all!! Thank You!!

suki44883

SR is a great place for support and you can speak freely here and know that you are among people who understand what you are dealing with and what you are thinking. It's really hard at first, but give it a chance. Things WILL get better if you stick to it and keep doing the next right thing. So glad you found us!

Mikie9

I will be very honest, I would be drunk as I could be right this very second if it wasn't for this place. We are not alone in this, not by a long shot no matter what our minds may try to tell us. In the beginning I felt so alone, and every other time I had tried to quit drinking.

But when I get to feeling this way now, I come here and read, and if needed whine like a 2 year old who lost his blanky. And I don't get judged. I don't get mocked. I get sincere thoughts and advice, and I have been getting thru the nights.

If you click my name and 'find all threads started by this user" you will see what I mean. I have a long way to go, but I reread my first few threads and the response I got, and I was uplifted by the unconditional help one can get here.

I don't say this lightly. WE will get through this TOGETHER.

Hevyn

Happy to meet you jmeg. I'm so glad you found us - we're an encouraging group & we all understand.

I had fear of missing out too. I was very sorry for myself when I first tried to quit. I think that's why I kept falling back into drinking each time. I insisted I could have fun with it again if only I used willpower to control myself. Over a 25 year period, there was never a time I was in control. Fear of having a boring life led me to almost lose mine entirely. In the end I was drinking 24/7 & was completely dependent on it. I realize not everyone ends up in such a state - but it's a strong possibility if we continue trying to manage our alcoholism without quitting.

I wish I had tried to figure out why I needed to drink to feel joy or happiness. I should have worked on finding the reasons behind my need to get numb. Life is so much better when we're free of it. I hope you'll be patient with yourself & keep posting.

waterboy68

Thank You all for the responses. Mikie, congrats on your 11th day!! I did see that on another post. Great Job!!