need a little advice..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 1
need a little advice..
I'm not really sure where to start here ,but any help would greatly be appreciated because i dont know what to do..
I have been around drugs almost all my life, and i know most of the tell tale signs.. but this situations has me so confuddled. My hubby and i have been together for over two years, and we are very close with our families. In this time, his younger brother who is 18 now has gone thru drastic chnages..he has always seem a bit of a dough head, but after dropping out school, and no longer playing football, its gotten particularly worse. He has no interst in getting a job, he leaves for days on end but we always somewhat know where he is and how to get ahold of him. He has dropped alot of weight in his face, but that could be related to the poor diet. His moods change drastically from happy and outgoing, to dumb, aloof then ultimately hermits away. Everything you say to him goes in one year and out the other. He just doesnt seem to give a **** about anyone or anything around him.. he tells stories about how all his friends fight, do drugs and steal but he doesnt..
My hubby is starting to get concerned, but i have always had my suspisions.. i know he smokes pot, but there is something else here.. i just dont know how to handle
this situation!! I dont want to say anything to his mum until i have solid proof.. but i just dont know how.. I'm worried about him..
I have been around drugs almost all my life, and i know most of the tell tale signs.. but this situations has me so confuddled. My hubby and i have been together for over two years, and we are very close with our families. In this time, his younger brother who is 18 now has gone thru drastic chnages..he has always seem a bit of a dough head, but after dropping out school, and no longer playing football, its gotten particularly worse. He has no interst in getting a job, he leaves for days on end but we always somewhat know where he is and how to get ahold of him. He has dropped alot of weight in his face, but that could be related to the poor diet. His moods change drastically from happy and outgoing, to dumb, aloof then ultimately hermits away. Everything you say to him goes in one year and out the other. He just doesnt seem to give a **** about anyone or anything around him.. he tells stories about how all his friends fight, do drugs and steal but he doesnt..
My hubby is starting to get concerned, but i have always had my suspisions.. i know he smokes pot, but there is something else here.. i just dont know how to handle
this situation!! I dont want to say anything to his mum until i have solid proof.. but i just dont know how.. I'm worried about him..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Does BIL live with you or somewhere else?
I think a good man-to-man talk between your H and BIL is in order. No women involved. Just have your H (assuming he is willing) bring up these issues and all of your suspicions. He may come clean in this case. If he does then you can take it deeper as in "what is he going to do about it"?
I think a good man-to-man talk between your H and BIL is in order. No women involved. Just have your H (assuming he is willing) bring up these issues and all of your suspicions. He may come clean in this case. If he does then you can take it deeper as in "what is he going to do about it"?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
If your hubby doesn't choose to talk with his brother remember time always reveals more. Possibly you and your hubby could talk with each other about what your boundaries will be if your suspicions are right?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St. Louis, Mo. USA
Posts: 265
H.O.W.
Honesty, Openness, and Willingness.
To start with you do know the signs, the way you described it you KNOW. You also Know what. You just don't know how to deal with it.
Most family members go into denial, and wind up enabling the addict and the addiction. Thing is, it is a disease. The sooner it is brought out of the darkness and into the open the soon they can work on it.
The Question here is are you going to talk about the elephant in the room or are you going to be ashamed and hide it like a family secret. No matter what you do it is a disease and it is up to the addict to get help himself. He will not do it as long as the family is making it easy for him to continue. This is where HOW comes into play. Every one has to be honest about it, Everyone needs to be open, and Willing to bring it out into the light. Especially the addict need to be willing to seek help.
The family and friends can not help him. You are too close and Love him too much to help, you will only prolong the disease. He need professional help, and help from recovering addicts, or he will continue and get worse.
[There are three places they wind up, institutions, prison, or dead.]
My advice;
The family needs help also. Find a Nar-Anon meeting or another 12 step meeting where you can learn about it, and how others deal with it. In the rooms you will find the answers you seek, and a new family where you can talk openly about it.
Honesty, Openness, and Willingness.
To start with you do know the signs, the way you described it you KNOW. You also Know what. You just don't know how to deal with it.
Most family members go into denial, and wind up enabling the addict and the addiction. Thing is, it is a disease. The sooner it is brought out of the darkness and into the open the soon they can work on it.
The Question here is are you going to talk about the elephant in the room or are you going to be ashamed and hide it like a family secret. No matter what you do it is a disease and it is up to the addict to get help himself. He will not do it as long as the family is making it easy for him to continue. This is where HOW comes into play. Every one has to be honest about it, Everyone needs to be open, and Willing to bring it out into the light. Especially the addict need to be willing to seek help.
The family and friends can not help him. You are too close and Love him too much to help, you will only prolong the disease. He need professional help, and help from recovering addicts, or he will continue and get worse.
[There are three places they wind up, institutions, prison, or dead.]
My advice;
The family needs help also. Find a Nar-Anon meeting or another 12 step meeting where you can learn about it, and how others deal with it. In the rooms you will find the answers you seek, and a new family where you can talk openly about it.
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