KeepinItReal

My husband is in limbo awaiting a set in stone entry date on his 14 months program. I have talked to the intake coordinator and he said that him taking some "free" time after his jail sentence is normal. It's also "seemingly" okay since my AH is able to maintain sobriety for months at a time and then BAM.

How am I feeling? I'm glad to be having some really open and honest conversations with him.. but find that believing in his good intentions harder and harder. I think the program will definitely give me the space from him that can lead to a life long rebuilding process. This would be the first step. I've seen him maintain his sobriety... only to fall back into it.

This time (if there is one) I have prepared. There will be no negotiation, no arguing, no pleading, talking, deal making. I respect the power the drugs have on him once the 1st needle is used. After that happens (if) I know to have him leave. I will probably have to threaten to call the police (this is not an idol threat) to have him removed. He knows he is a guest in "our" home. I would hope he would leave without getting the law involved or CPS. However, from past experience I know it's just one phone call to CPS to get him removed. It shouldn't have been a surprise but drug users that are in active addiction are dangerous to have around children. Maybe not violent but who knows what creepers he's dealing with that may be.

So, i'm dealing with all these emotions, holidays, and finding myself pretty stressed even though he's not using and contributing financially. I'm also enjoying him at the same time. It's very mixed up. I know that it takes time to heal and i'm just looking forward to him going to this program. I know things are "harder" without him.. but i'm a skilled warrior from all the past battles. I can handle my life on my own and take care of everything on my own.

Also, there is his family. His older sister and husband are heroin addicts. They both actively use and live with my parents in-laws. His younger brother and his wife live with my in-laws also and they are addicted to the same breed OXI. So, that house for the holidays is .... depressing. I hate being around it all the time.. yet can't free myself from it. His parents "allow" it... and I feel for them but know there is nothing I can do. I talk to his mom about my plans.. she's know I will kick him out immediately if he starts using. Well... my life with addiction.

I can say for today that i'm not using drugs and never plan to use them again. They are so much worse than I ever dreamed.

AnvilheadII

you totally have MY vote for NOT trekking to the in-laws aka drug den!!!
you CAN free yourself, you CAN say no thanks, not this year, other plans and all that. YOU call the shots on how you and your children are going to spend the holidays...well, each and every day actually. how the in laws feel about it? THEIR problem.

KeepinItReal

It's never that easy. I admit that bringing being around it is sickening to me. However, my nephews, other sister in law, parents in law and nieces will be there.

Also, due to lack of funds I volunteered to bring food over and help cook with my non addicted sister in law. The addicted ones tend to stay in their rooms or not be there at all. We already faced about three dinners over there.

Even when my husband was locked up I go there and talk to his mom and father and pick up my nephews to sleep over my house.

I'm aware of everything that is wrong with the situation..... but feel the need to be honest.

Ann

It's okay to do whatever you feel you need to do to keep yourself unstressed and safe. It going makes you happy, then go, but maybe have an exit plan if things get uncomfortable there.

I hope things become better for both of you soon, it must be hard living like this.

Hugs

glitterdeva

Good for you for setting boundaries, they sure do need them. I canceled my Thanksgiving all together, because I am just not strong enough for chit Really. I am going to my girlfriend's house, will bring pie and my kids I agree, do what makes you feel better