Silvy69

122 days sober.. I just wrote this long rant post and it didn't get posted

I guess it wasn't meant to be..

I would love to hear your experience with AA and the suggestions, I am having issues with the "suggestions" that really are not so much suggestions but what is expected for you to do.. Such as attending meetings everyday when you have finished your 90/90 and also having to call your sponsor everyday. Did you do well with your recovery later on after your first 3 months with AA? I am on step 4 and now I am so retaliating, I don't want to go to a meeting everyday, I am tired after a long day of stress at work and all I want to do is come home and relax for a couple of hours before I go to sleep.

I haven't called my sponsor in 3 days and I feel so guilty... That stresses me out too, I do call an alcoholic in my network everyday, usually a friend or two. I do practice what I have learned in steps 1-3 as much as possible and I know where to go and what to do if my "arrssss" is on fire I do have all these antennas' up that if my recovery is threatened in any way I pick up the phone and take action. But I do not like being told all the time that I am not putting my recovery first. Then I am asked what are you going to do if you don't go to a meeting, well that all bothers me so much. It is my recovery and I will walk my path as I see it and if I make a mistake I will learn from it.
I do understand that it is a "we" program but I don't want to be forced into anything, it become a battle in my head when I feel that way.
I need to take it easy and figure a lot of things out in my life.

I do know one thing, I will put this in the hands of my higher power and pray about it.. I am going to ask for his guidance on this

Thanks for reading my rant!! Enjoy your evening.. ODAT that is all that it takes to stay sober... sometimes one minute at the time Silvy

Dee74

Congrats on your 122 days

Maybe some of the AA folks will have some insight?

D

Silvy69

I have to add that I have two commitments and was attending at least 5 meetings a week up until last week. I will keep my Friday commitment for coffee and the Monday as a greeter, I have been active in my recovery..

digdug

This is all stuff you need to be honest and talk to your sponsor about.

I went through a phase around 3 months sober where I was all stressed out with work and felt like I didn't have time in the day to make a meeting. I went from 5-7 meetings a day to maybe 1-2. I was miserable. I realized how much meetings really kept me on track and kept me together. It's crazy how quickly I lost focus.

I know you want to be in control of your own recovery, but with only three months, it might be worth just continuing to follow directions from people who have been there before. Put your trust in people who have way more time than you.

Ruby2

Hey! I had the same issues you are having. Calling the sponsor every night, meetings every day, etc. I did in patient last October and after getting out I did my ninety in ninety which I actually enjoyed. I didn't call my sponsor every day and I didn't do a fourth step. I started but never finished. I was also having issues with step 3. I relapsed in August after ten and a half months. I had stopped going to daily meetings. Called the sponsor less often and then picked up when my husband relapsed.

Not a smart move. I am now on day 8. In retrospect I think I relapsed because I was still struggling even with the first step. Not in admitting that I am an alcoholic but that I am powerless over alcohol. Still entertaining the thought that some day I could be a normal drinker.

It doesn't work that way. But being a stubborn person who is too smart for my own good, I started to resent the suggestions too. I have made five meetings in the eight days since stopping. I've actually enjoyed them except Monday nights which was a step study meeting of step twelve. I think it was more the format and not the topic. I feel like I am rambling. Tired. But I understand what you are feeling. I think it is normal. I would talk to your sponsor about the frequency of the calls. How are you feeling in your program? It is good that you call other people and you are opening up here.

hypochondriac

Hey Silvy. Congratulations on your 122 days! It sounds like you are doing really well and working really hard on your recovery x

I felt early on in my recovery that I was doing everything wrong and that everyone had all these expectations of me that I couldn't meet. Have faith in your own ability to do what is best for you. The only thing to be careful of is to check why you are feeling that way. It could be that now you are getting to the tough bit in the steps that that is the reason you want to back of a bit. It is so common for people to bail at that point. I think that is one of the things I struggled with in AA, that I wasn't sure how much my aversion to it was valid or just me backing away from something I found uncomfortable.

Try to just do what is best for you but always check your motives x

Silvy69

Thanks everyone!! I feel so much better today. I think I was feeling suffocated and being that I am my sponsor's first sponsee she tends to really get on me about things. I will talk to her, she is really wonderful but I don't want to feel pushed. I do care about my recovery and feel so much better today, the mind of an alcoholic is incredible I can say that much. As far as step 4, it is waiting for me, I started but haven't touched in a couple of weeks, I was told that it isn't something that I should rush. It will be very hard so I will take my time and as I feel I can work on it on and off I will. I also have figured out that I do need more meetings and as part of my recovery I need to have a balance of home life, work and recovery. Thanks again

KateL

Glad you are feeling better today. x

JaylaaKent

I think what you're feeling is normal too. If I get really overwhelmed with earth life - and can't do as many meetings as I want - I listen to speakers on XA speakers online. Sometimes these are even better than meetings for me. I can listen while I'm working or walking - even driving. We are only human and can do so much. I know for me - I'm extremely behind at work from missing so much during my drunken phase. So on top of recovery - I'm also slammed with work. Just stay on course, if your tired listen to your body. I recently got sick and it REALLY threw me for a loop. I realized I was over doing things and had to take a few days off. I worry now everyone thinks I went out drinking again You sound like your doing great - hang in there. I think Ruby had some good input too.