ICU in Critical Condition
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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ICU in Critical Condition
My STBXAH is in the ICU tonight in critical condition. He is in this precarious situation between life and death all because of his addiction to alcohol. I have posted on this forum previously because he has alcohol withdrawal seizures when he stops drinking. But he stops drinking for a couple of days every few weeks so he has them regularly. This last round has left him SO malnourished, SO dehydrated and his vitals SO unstable that I was actually told by one of the ER personnel that he is the worst alcohol withdrawal patient that he has ever seen. And all of this to describe a man who continues to deny that he needs treatment for his alcoholism (he has never been to rehab), a man who does not see that his drinking is negatively impacting his life in any way. I know he is my STBXAH but I still care about him deeply. I had assumed that he is my STBX because of our divorce, not because of...well...
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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I'm sorry, LunaCat. This is where untreated addiction can take any of us. There but for the grace of God, go I. Unfortunately, their denial often times leaves us to pick up the pieces should they pass on. I hope he will improve and realize that he is slowly killing himself and get help. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm also sorry, Luna. When I was active in addiction, I knew all about the risks, but I thought "oh, they won't happen to me". I will keep you both in my prayers, and will pray that this is his rock bottom, that he survives and embraces recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
******************{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for how you must feel. Said a prayer for you to have the strength you need to get through what it is you must get through.
Wishes of peace for you and everyone affected. Please take good, good care of yourself.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sorry for how you must feel. Said a prayer for you to have the strength you need to get through what it is you must get through.
Wishes of peace for you and everyone affected. Please take good, good care of yourself.
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Join Date: May 2013
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I'm so sorry, Luna.
I actually ended up in the same situation as your STBXH. Alcohol withdrawal led me to the ICU, in a coma and on life support. Luckily, against the doctors' prognosis, I woke up. It was both my physical and mental wake up call and I went to rehab as soon as I was stable. With the help of AA, I've been sober ever since.
Maybe this could be the wake up call he needs. It was almost impossible for me to be in denial about my alcoholism after my hospitalization. Normal people don't come within inches of death just because of drinking.
I wish you both the best.
I actually ended up in the same situation as your STBXH. Alcohol withdrawal led me to the ICU, in a coma and on life support. Luckily, against the doctors' prognosis, I woke up. It was both my physical and mental wake up call and I went to rehab as soon as I was stable. With the help of AA, I've been sober ever since.
Maybe this could be the wake up call he needs. It was almost impossible for me to be in denial about my alcoholism after my hospitalization. Normal people don't come within inches of death just because of drinking.
I wish you both the best.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Wishing you the best. It is normal to worry - no relationship is all bad and it is natural to still care. I too hope it is the wake up call he needs. But remember, it is HIS decision and hopefully you now have some distance.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
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I think its natural and Very human to feel something for a man regardless what happened that you once shared a life with. Period. That you once loved. Have you spoken to him since in icu? I don't know the situation exactly but hoping some light shines on the situation for him.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 53
Hi Luna,
My thoughts are also with you. I also ended up in ICU and millimetres away from the end. It wasn't from withdrawal it was from major depression. It took this second episode of mine to wake up in ICU feeling embarrassed and ashamed. The depression was a build up of continuos denial. It didn't seem to matter what obvious signs of my serious addiction were all around me, and knowing all along that something was going to give. I still thought that I could control it and find that ever elusive balance and moderation.
They say you will only learn when you hit rock bottom. Well I found it. I was so embarrassed and disappointed when my wife found my bottle and placed a note on it to ask me to please stop doing this to all of us!
With my silent screams for help I self harmed quite severely whilst heavily intoxicated. When I woke in ICU and had been informed of the extent of my injury I made the ultimate decision to finally do something about this horrible mess I had found myself in.
It was such an embarrassment to me using up a hospital bed and doctors valued time on my selfish behaviour. I would lay there and constantly listen to the hand over information passed on from one shift to the next, the description of the condition I was in and that look on the nurses faces as they read of my injuries and how they came about. I remember one night when everyone else was asleep one of the nurses came into our ward and gave me some pain killers. He then asked me why I did what I did? He said you need to cherish what you have, there are so many people all around the world that have no food and no shelter just surviving.
He was right, this really helped me to make my mind up.
Today 6 months on my determination is stronger than ever.
I really hope things work out for you!
My thoughts are also with you. I also ended up in ICU and millimetres away from the end. It wasn't from withdrawal it was from major depression. It took this second episode of mine to wake up in ICU feeling embarrassed and ashamed. The depression was a build up of continuos denial. It didn't seem to matter what obvious signs of my serious addiction were all around me, and knowing all along that something was going to give. I still thought that I could control it and find that ever elusive balance and moderation.
They say you will only learn when you hit rock bottom. Well I found it. I was so embarrassed and disappointed when my wife found my bottle and placed a note on it to ask me to please stop doing this to all of us!
With my silent screams for help I self harmed quite severely whilst heavily intoxicated. When I woke in ICU and had been informed of the extent of my injury I made the ultimate decision to finally do something about this horrible mess I had found myself in.
It was such an embarrassment to me using up a hospital bed and doctors valued time on my selfish behaviour. I would lay there and constantly listen to the hand over information passed on from one shift to the next, the description of the condition I was in and that look on the nurses faces as they read of my injuries and how they came about. I remember one night when everyone else was asleep one of the nurses came into our ward and gave me some pain killers. He then asked me why I did what I did? He said you need to cherish what you have, there are so many people all around the world that have no food and no shelter just surviving.
He was right, this really helped me to make my mind up.
Today 6 months on my determination is stronger than ever.
I really hope things work out for you!
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Brisbane QLD
Posts: 53
Hi Quish16,
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I am still bewildered as to how it all started. I have figured out though that everything I do and have ever done seems to be to the extreme.
My Grandfather lived to about 86 a few years before he passed I asked him what his secret was to a long and healthy life ( he was still swimming , cycling and lecturing in his 80's) he said. " Do what ever you want in life but do it in moderation "
I am still trying
Thanks for your kind thoughts. I am still bewildered as to how it all started. I have figured out though that everything I do and have ever done seems to be to the extreme.
My Grandfather lived to about 86 a few years before he passed I asked him what his secret was to a long and healthy life ( he was still swimming , cycling and lecturing in his 80's) he said. " Do what ever you want in life but do it in moderation "
I am still trying
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 50
Thinking of you. I was there a year ago. Within days to weeks of our divorce
when he ended up in hospital and did not survive. Never really came out of the DTs and complications of pneumonia and arrhythmias. So I was widowed rather than divorced and let me tell you it hurt no less than losing a loving husband. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of burying him. My head says he is better off but the heart doesn't always listen to what the head says. Even though he was in a coma I was able to say some things to him at the end and tell him I forgave him (that was needed for MY healing) and made peace the best I could. I was glad I hung in there and that the divorce wasn't final because in a way it feels more like I stuck it out to the bitter end and didn't give up on him. But it still hurts and I'm still grieving. He never did hit his bottom. I hope the outcome is different in your case.
when he ended up in hospital and did not survive. Never really came out of the DTs and complications of pneumonia and arrhythmias. So I was widowed rather than divorced and let me tell you it hurt no less than losing a loving husband. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of burying him. My head says he is better off but the heart doesn't always listen to what the head says. Even though he was in a coma I was able to say some things to him at the end and tell him I forgave him (that was needed for MY healing) and made peace the best I could. I was glad I hung in there and that the divorce wasn't final because in a way it feels more like I stuck it out to the bitter end and didn't give up on him. But it still hurts and I'm still grieving. He never did hit his bottom. I hope the outcome is different in your case.
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I am so so sorry. It is absolutely heartbreaking to see someone you care about be in that amount of denial to the literal brink of death. As I explained to my AH yesterday, no amount of his drinking or anything that happens can take away what we have been through for the past 16 years, there have been lots of good times and love too, so I will never feel hate for him, just pity really at this point. It's sad that alcohol is so powerful they are willing to wreck their lives over it.
Huge hugs to you Luna.
Huge hugs to you Luna.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
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Originally Posted by digdug 
Normal people don't come within inches of death just because of drinking.
I went through this with my axb. He almost died twice- once from blood loss after cutting himself (when drunk) and once from a head injury from falling (when drunk).
This is a man who survived Afghanistan and Iraq, received 3 Purple Heart medals for his trouble, and is now laid low by the bottle, still refusing to even entertain the idea that he has a problem, even after losing his family, job, education... Sad. I hope your stbx has his wake up call. Hugs and best wishes.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. STBX made it through the night but is still in dire straights.
I am now torn about going to the ICU to see him today. I feel so fragile and slightly unstable myself after all that has happened. I/we have been isolated for years about 400 miles away from the rest of my family and support network so I'm feeling very alone. I don't really want to add on top of all of that I've already been through lately the trauma of seeing him on a ventilator. But, I don't know how I could live with the guilt if he were to take a turn for the worse and this end up as tragic as PeacefulMe's experience (your story is beyond heartbreaking and I am SO sorry for your loss). I feel very selfish for wanting to protect myself at this time given the horrible position my AH is currently in.
I am now torn about going to the ICU to see him today. I feel so fragile and slightly unstable myself after all that has happened. I/we have been isolated for years about 400 miles away from the rest of my family and support network so I'm feeling very alone. I don't really want to add on top of all of that I've already been through lately the trauma of seeing him on a ventilator. But, I don't know how I could live with the guilt if he were to take a turn for the worse and this end up as tragic as PeacefulMe's experience (your story is beyond heartbreaking and I am SO sorry for your loss). I feel very selfish for wanting to protect myself at this time given the horrible position my AH is currently in.
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