Just wanted to share
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Just wanted to share
I ran into one of the at least two women ah flirted with and talked bad about me too. I found out about them myself about a yr ago and learned alot.
My ah and it is probably apart of his drinking has horrible taste in these women he chose to correspond with. To put it into perspective one has something wrong with her and im not talking about physical although physically I am better looking but what i mean is that it wouldn't surprise me if she were a sexual predator or hurt someone....she's very odd and had actually stood out not only to me but to others before we knew anything about her. she lied about things that were strange and she's a mother but lets say her own ex has fought to keep their kids away from her but i wont get into detail about that. the second woman looks like she got into a fight with a razor , she admitted to being a criminal and does drugs on a regular basis and knows gang members...not pretty either.
I know there is difference in opinion to which is worse either your spouse betraying you with a good looking woman etc vs someone not as pretty . I have to admit it did make me feel like crud at the time that here i am i don't do drugs, i am not a criminal, i am good to him and a wonderful mother. i'm not a psycho or a danger to others let alone my children, i am better looking than these women and here he was talking the worst about me to THEM.
I was hurt, mortified...
I think at the time i was spiraling downward and Fighting to heal from his betrayal. trying to gain the self confidence that slowly his addiction had destroyed. Well I ran into one of the women and you know what i felt? NOTHING!!! not a da** thing! she stared both of us down and I looked at him and i looked at her and I almost wanted to laugh. I am too good, too pretty and too intelligent for the bs.
Months, a yr ago i would have felt embarrassed, ashamed (after all he had said about me) i would have felt Depressed and jealous. Nope not anymore
it was one of those amazing moments where i wondered how on earth I EVER let him get to me that much.
I feel Like i have come a long way and this detachment that I am experiencing is BEAUTIFUL!
My ah and it is probably apart of his drinking has horrible taste in these women he chose to correspond with. To put it into perspective one has something wrong with her and im not talking about physical although physically I am better looking but what i mean is that it wouldn't surprise me if she were a sexual predator or hurt someone....she's very odd and had actually stood out not only to me but to others before we knew anything about her. she lied about things that were strange and she's a mother but lets say her own ex has fought to keep their kids away from her but i wont get into detail about that. the second woman looks like she got into a fight with a razor , she admitted to being a criminal and does drugs on a regular basis and knows gang members...not pretty either.
I know there is difference in opinion to which is worse either your spouse betraying you with a good looking woman etc vs someone not as pretty . I have to admit it did make me feel like crud at the time that here i am i don't do drugs, i am not a criminal, i am good to him and a wonderful mother. i'm not a psycho or a danger to others let alone my children, i am better looking than these women and here he was talking the worst about me to THEM.
I was hurt, mortified...
I think at the time i was spiraling downward and Fighting to heal from his betrayal. trying to gain the self confidence that slowly his addiction had destroyed. Well I ran into one of the women and you know what i felt? NOTHING!!! not a da** thing! she stared both of us down and I looked at him and i looked at her and I almost wanted to laugh. I am too good, too pretty and too intelligent for the bs.
Months, a yr ago i would have felt embarrassed, ashamed (after all he had said about me) i would have felt Depressed and jealous. Nope not anymore
it was one of those amazing moments where i wondered how on earth I EVER let him get to me that much.
I feel Like i have come a long way and this detachment that I am experiencing is BEAUTIFUL!
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
ran into one while out xmas shopping. I know I sort of rambled a bit on this post but I remember how crummy i felt when everything happened with ah.My esteem was so shot and then the Best feeling was realizing that i was Being hard on myself and for what? For an alcoholic and some sorry women? I have more to work on when it comes to me but my self worth has improved greatly!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi, what they gave him, that you won't and can't is the feeling that it's ok to drink as much as he does. Taking from your other thread it's strange that he's still pretending he's sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Aussie
Posts: 50
thislonelygirl, I had a similiar thing with my exg, funny thing was he was a red head ( no offence to anyone ) he wore glasses ( no offense ) and he was just an ugly fella ( no offence ). It aint about us I guess, it seems to be anyone who will enable them better maybe, I dont know, The best revenge I had, was letting him keep her.
box of chocolates
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
I 100% agree NOW.(don't get me wrong i still struggle but i agree)
Before though i was a train wreck. I Was wondering how come im not enough or whats wrong with me. I Literally fell apart and I would even have flash backs to things that pertained to the other women. things i found out. Things he said about me to them More so and things i saw. After the fact though he did quit drinking and i had begun to heal a little bit but it all fell through when he began drinking again and being untrustworthy all over again(whole long story there). Yes, they did enable his denial, his blaming and his drinking.
It was very refreshing though seeing her and feeling nothing at all. No flashbacks no anger no sadness.
Feeling great- We have had a very long road of ups followed by horrible downs no doubt 99% of which is due to his drinking (other women,family,legal, financial, health) its been a very troubling journey. Too much. ah wants to pretend to be sober and lie about it because he knows i am fed up(use too he would drink in front of me and tell me it was his right to do so...(.he was very in your face) now he is sneaky about it and even when he's clearly been drinking will still lie and maybe i think deep down somewhere he knows his drinking is a problem and feels guilty. to bad guilt doesn't translate into sobriety.
Before though i was a train wreck. I Was wondering how come im not enough or whats wrong with me. I Literally fell apart and I would even have flash backs to things that pertained to the other women. things i found out. Things he said about me to them More so and things i saw. After the fact though he did quit drinking and i had begun to heal a little bit but it all fell through when he began drinking again and being untrustworthy all over again(whole long story there). Yes, they did enable his denial, his blaming and his drinking.
It was very refreshing though seeing her and feeling nothing at all. No flashbacks no anger no sadness.
Feeling great- We have had a very long road of ups followed by horrible downs no doubt 99% of which is due to his drinking (other women,family,legal, financial, health) its been a very troubling journey. Too much. ah wants to pretend to be sober and lie about it because he knows i am fed up(use too he would drink in front of me and tell me it was his right to do so...(.he was very in your face) now he is sneaky about it and even when he's clearly been drinking will still lie and maybe i think deep down somewhere he knows his drinking is a problem and feels guilty. to bad guilt doesn't translate into sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Aussie
Posts: 50
I know you do, and honestly I still have thoughts and doubts. Now I have been NC for a week and a bit, she hates me, Im ok with that. I would rather she hate me than play with my feelings for another 7 months.
You will be fine sweetheart, the more you stay in your own space, the more you comeback to yourself, the more you think rationally, the more you see it was never you, it was never meant to be.
wish you well.
You will be fine sweetheart, the more you stay in your own space, the more you comeback to yourself, the more you think rationally, the more you see it was never you, it was never meant to be.
wish you well.
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