Btr13

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. When we first started dating, he had a problem with percocet and I had no idea. He kept it from me for a very long time, until he started having me drive him to his dealers for himself and other people. I asked him about it and he admitted to using percocet, and in fact had spent his whole refund tax check on them. I began pressuring him to quit, and he did, cold turkey. He went through withdrawals for a couple weeks and then seemed fine. I asked him if he had cravings and of course he did, but he didn't buy any. Here and there over the course of the next 3 months, I asked how he was doing without them, and he always told me fine even though it was hard to stay away and to not talk about it much because it would make him want to use. So as far as I knew, he was doing good. Sidenote, his friends and his two best friends who we always hang out also do percocet and he buys them for them from his dealer and gives them to him. I asked if this made him want to use and he said it didn't really affect him, so again, it seemed like he was not dependent on percs anymore.
Now the other day, I know this is wrong,but I looked through his messages and saw the texts between his best friend. His friend wanted a perc and my boyfriend asked if he would split it and he would give him the money. He even had me drive them to the ATM for money making me think it was just for his friend. SO he snorted the 15 and kept it from me and relapsed. I asked my boyfriend if he had used percocet recently and he told me yes. I was very disappointed. As I tried talking to him about it he was yelling at me to shut up and leave him alone. His best friend acted as if he didn't do anything wrong, but was telling me it was wrong of my boyfriend to be treating me like this over something he knew that would hurt me. I left and picked my boyfriend up later, still upset, and told him I was sorry for freaking out, but percs are no good for him and that I want him to be better, and we can't build a life together if he is going to be hooked on percs again, and how disappointed I was in him. He got angry again and told me that it's his life not mine, he will do them if he wants, and I am not his mother. And if I didn't like him doing percs, then I could leave and not be with him. This left me heartbroken and I asked if he was choosing percs over me and he said no, although that's what it seems, and he said he loved me but if I do not want him doing percs then either I could leave him or deal with it.
Help! What do I do? I don't want him using percs again. I want a life with him and I want him to be sober again. Would he really let me leave and not be with me over percocet, even after all we've been through and how much he says he loves me? I don't know what to do!!

lizwig

Hello, welcome to the forum although I am sorry for what has brought you here. You've found a great spot for support. Policing other people's behavior is never fun and reminds us how powerless we are over their choices. But we aren't over our own. When I finally reached out for help is when things started improving for me. We can find serenity whether or loved ones are still using or not. I know I threatened my son a lot but was never able to stick to what I said I was going to do. It's no wonder he would just say "yeah, too bad, what you gonna do"? Well...I finally hit my bottom...set down my end of the rope...told him we'd be here to help if he ever wants to get sober but we had admitted we are powerless...and so are YOU. Read the stickies at the top of the board, other partners will be along to welcome you. More than anything I wanted to reach back because I remember how much strength it took to reach out.

electra1

You know, I could have written your post, except my boyfriend has a problem with mephedrone. I am utterly sick of it. I've posted about it today. We went through the same thing - him quitting and getting so ill cold turkey that he had to take the week off work. With me 'nursing' him all the time. And for what? Because he relapsed again very quickly. I am so angry with him that I've decided to let him get on with it. One thing that I've learned is that if you want to be with an addict then you have to accept them with the addiction and if you can't then you have to leave. Getting angry with them just evokes hostile behaviour in them and they will never change unless they want to. I am sick of listening to my boyfriend blaming me for his actions.

I thought I could help my boyfriend but I can't and being around him when he's like this is destroying me. So I'm going to take care of me because nobody else will. It is very hard to walk away from someone you love and I cannot help but feel how unfair the situation is. But I have to get on with my life.

allthatsgood

Btr13, It's not easy to put our side of the rope down as Lizwig pointed out but it seems the only way to achieve serenity. There's nothing we can say or do to get our addicts clean and sober. They have to do this for themselves. Even though we know this, it isn't always easy accepting it. Take care of your yourself.

Btr13

I am just beginning to realize that theres nothing I can really do about it, which is heartbreaking. But love is about accepting someone for who they are, regardless of their lack of will to change. I would hate to see him go down that road again, but we will just have to take it day by day and see. I told him if his drug use got as bad as it did before the last time he quit, that I was going to leave him, if not making him go to rehab first. He told me he didn't want to go to rehab because he would lose his job and his family would kick him out of the house and hate him, which I can't make him go to rehab either. But if his addiction gets severe again I will have to bring him. But I put my point across that I would leave and something would have to happen because I wouldn't be able to deal with him doing that to himself again.
I'm hoping his addiction never gets as severe as it did about 6 months ago, but if it does, I am going to do what I said. Until then, I cannot change his actions and we will just have to see what happens.

AnvilheadII

i'd strongly suggest that you STOP accompanying him to buy pills, regardless of who they are for. stop engaging in ANY of his drug related activities. step back and just watch his actions. and keep in mind, he's still using. and it will get worse.

Btr13

I do hate bringing him to his dealers to even get them for other people since it's no good for me and puts me in danger. I told him before I didn't like doing it but he said it's something he wants to do. Before he got free percs out of the deal to sell and make extra money, but now that he's doing it again they'll probably be for him. He knows I hate it and will probably give me an attitude when I tell him I don't want to give him rides there anymore, like before. But I have to stick up for myself.

tyrocks

I'm in a (somewhat) similar situation. My boyfriend had been using perks and he just left yesterday for rehab. 30 days inpatient and could be up to three months aftercare - all TBD. He lied multiple times and tried to convince me that I was the one in the wrong for accusing him. I know that the addiction is bigger than he is - but he - as well as other addicts out there - need to realize on their own that they have issues before anyone else can force them. I hope that you can see the goodness in yourself and decide what the right oath for you is.

AnvilheadII

NO is a complete sentence. also a real good way to get to the motives of the addict....if you say NO I won't take you and he blows up then you'll know he's just using you for the transpo. but please, no more drug deals ok??? that is complete ENABLING and also illegal. hate to see you get locked up.

Btr13

Most of the time when I say no he gets rides from other people. Yesterday he didn't even ask me to bring him and he just got a ride with the people who wanted them, so he already knows he can't make me do anything I don't want to.

KeepinItReal

Have you thought about NA? Maybe you can go and see first hand how out of control a little addiction can snowball into.

zoso77

Btr13,

What's in this for you? What are you looking to gain out of this relationship? I can tell you straight-up with 99% certainty that so long as he is using, your relationship with him will not work. An addict in active addiction is not capable of being a responsible, loving partner in a romantic relationship. Otherwise, you wouldn't have found us and posted.

Right now is a time that you need to be brutally honest with yourself about what your motivations are by staying with him. Please, be safe.

ZoSo

jjj111

It sounds like he has been pretty clear about his intentions. He does not want to quit, and has told you that you can love it or leave it. And you also sound pretty clear that you don't want him to be on percocet. Sounds to me like staying with him won't make either of you happy...

Lily1918

I would like to say that in my state (Arizona) driving the car in which people are dealing drugs, even if you have no money on you and are sober (aka can pass a drug test) is considered dealing.

It is a Felony. It is punishable by a minimum of 2 years in state prison and a maximum of 10. Many times, if a person is an addict, they can avoid prison time by requesting to go to rehab instead. You, however, are not an addict, and will be viewed as a dealer, or in least case, a mule, still a felony.

Don't get me wrong, I did this for D ( My Addict Husband) dozens and dozens of times, but I just thought it might be wise for you to look up exactly what kind of charges you might be facing if you get pulled over.

hugs.

and I agree, No is a complete sentence

Btr13

I will not bring him to his dealers. I told him if he is to go he is to get a ride from someone else and I will see him when he gets back.

Lily1918

that was always really hard for me to do. I would always cave in when he would go back and forth between whining and begging to being angry.

hugs to you.

keep taking care of you