KirstyMarie

hiya, my partner of one year is drifting away from AA, he's constantly fighting it, he says he doesn't like the people in the meetings and .. 'once more an AA meeting has left me feeling negative and i'm sure that the hyperbole will recommend i ought to keep coming back etc. enough, please.' &.. 'i just don't buy into the holistics of AA. i certainly understand i am an alcoholic and work for my daily recovery using the tools at my disposal.' he has no sponsor, doesn't want one.. (uses me), he smokes pot & has had two er 'slips' since june 2012. for my sanity & sobriety i've suggested a week apart for .. reflection, courage, humility, truth searching, for using the tools we were given so freely,. relationships depend on unity, i gave him the final choice & hope it's loving, wise & honest. anyone been or going through similar?

Dee74

Hi and welcome KirstyMarie

I haven't, but I know you'll get support and ideas here
You may also want to check out our Family and Friends forum too

Good to have you here
D

Hawkeye13

Hi Kristy;
Have you checked out the secular forum here--there are other types of programs which he may respond to better. There are links explaining each of them there.

I'm not implying that changes the situation for you as a couple, but I do have to say that AA is not for everyone. I think you have to do what is best for you, however and if stepping back is what you need right now you should have that space.

After I stopped drinking, my husband's drinking got worse for several months since he was very angry at me for bad actions when I was drinking. I couldn't afford to physically go somewhere, but more or less stayed away from him when he was drinking. He went into one room, I went to bed or read a book. It was a very uncomfortable time. It got better, but I was lucky to have a big house.

It sounds like a difficult situation and you are quite right that the signs are there for a slip. If he is saying the problem is AA, maybe another approach could be explored by him?

Good luck

MIRecovery

I fought AA for a long time and looking back the problem was AA wanted me to be abstinent for life and I was unwilling to never drink again. IMO smoking pot only only keeps his addiction alive and well

least

to SR! Do take a look at the link Dee provided. Lots of insight there.

DoubleBarrel

Smoking pot isn't sobriety. I have nothing against it, but it is NOT sobriety.

I think you know that you are not a good fit to be his sponsor. Too complicated.

Sounds like hes trying to do things half way.

I did this, and ended up drinking for fifteen more long years.

Now if I am in a meeting, and something bothers me, I try to see what my part is in it, and it almost always means my thoughts are in a weird place.

Just my $.02

KirstyMarie

thanx so much for your reply, i agree with it all tho i'm finding it hard handing it over, it's his journey not mine i guess .. i just want to call him & say come home, it's all gonna be fine. i posted the Jimmy Breslin quote on fb .. perfect thankyou

Razorback

Consider SMART Recovery -- it's secular and abstinence-based, not 12-step (but accepting of AA; some people do both). There are six meetings weekly in Essex, on M, T, W, F:
Meetings - SMART Recovery UK

There's also Lifering and SOS (Secular Organizations for Sobriety).

NewBeginning010

Maybe he could sign up here as well... if he would like to look at other options this part of our site may be valuable for him Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information