In a relationship with a Borderline and Addict
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Taunton, MA
Posts: 3
In a relationship with a Borderline and Addict
Hello everyone,
I'm new here and I would like to first include some history about my current issues. My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 7 months. I've known him since I was 13 and he was 18. We had been on and off with our relationship in the past due to his addictions and mental/emotional abuse. I took the chance again with him 7 months ago, thinking he had gotten sober, as he said. However, his past behaviors are resurfacing aggressively.
The sad thing is he can be so loving, compassionate, funny and sweet. But if something goes wrong, or if I say something the wrong way, he'll lash out at me and use me as an emotional punching bag. He has Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, among other things. That doesn't matter to me, but it's the ways in which he treats me: lying, abusing, etc.
He is still very much an alcoholic who is still drinking everyday. He used to be very much into hard drugs, but has denied using them for a few years. However, a few weeks ago, he OD'd on heroin. He said this was a one-time thing that went wrong. I believed him.
Most recently I've noticed that his moods are extremely erratic. He'll love me one day, and despise me the next (of course this is all "my fault"). My bday was in October and he got me a cladduah (sp?) ring. I loved it and thought it meant that things were looking up. But I'm just constantly walking on eggshells with him. I understand this is a co-dependent relationship, but I love him. He is the first guy I EVER fell in love with.
Can anyone give me some words of advice? I feel like I'm addicted to this fantasy that we will work things out and be together forever. We do have this eccentric and insane connection to one another.....but, what do I do??
Please help. I'll also answer any questions you may have about this situation.
I'm new here and I would like to first include some history about my current issues. My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 7 months. I've known him since I was 13 and he was 18. We had been on and off with our relationship in the past due to his addictions and mental/emotional abuse. I took the chance again with him 7 months ago, thinking he had gotten sober, as he said. However, his past behaviors are resurfacing aggressively.
The sad thing is he can be so loving, compassionate, funny and sweet. But if something goes wrong, or if I say something the wrong way, he'll lash out at me and use me as an emotional punching bag. He has Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, among other things. That doesn't matter to me, but it's the ways in which he treats me: lying, abusing, etc.
He is still very much an alcoholic who is still drinking everyday. He used to be very much into hard drugs, but has denied using them for a few years. However, a few weeks ago, he OD'd on heroin. He said this was a one-time thing that went wrong. I believed him.
Most recently I've noticed that his moods are extremely erratic. He'll love me one day, and despise me the next (of course this is all "my fault"). My bday was in October and he got me a cladduah (sp?) ring. I loved it and thought it meant that things were looking up. But I'm just constantly walking on eggshells with him. I understand this is a co-dependent relationship, but I love him. He is the first guy I EVER fell in love with.
Can anyone give me some words of advice? I feel like I'm addicted to this fantasy that we will work things out and be together forever. We do have this eccentric and insane connection to one another.....but, what do I do??
Please help. I'll also answer any questions you may have about this situation.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Hi Amja welcome to SR.
That does not sound very fair towards you – it is tough to live in unpredictability. I think that impacts one more than you realize.
You should probably also write a post in the family section:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
There is a lot of experience there on how addiction affects the loved ones.
Do take care.
That does not sound very fair towards you – it is tough to live in unpredictability. I think that impacts one more than you realize.
You should probably also write a post in the family section:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
There is a lot of experience there on how addiction affects the loved ones.
Do take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by amja77 
The sad thing is he can be so loving, compassionate, funny and sweet. But if something goes wrong, or if I say something the wrong way, he'll lash out at me and use me as an emotional punching bag. He has Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, PTSD, among other things. That doesn't matter to me, but it's the ways in which he treats me: lying, abusing, etc.
He is still very much an alcoholic who is still drinking everyday. He used to be very much into hard drugs, but has denied using them for a few years. However, a few weeks ago, he OD'd on heroin. He said this was a one-time thing that went wrong. I believed him.
Most recently I've noticed that his moods are extremely erratic. He'll love me one day, and despise me the next (of course this is all "my fault"). My bday was in October and he got me a cladduah (sp?) ring. I loved it and thought it meant that things were looking up. But I'm just constantly walking on eggshells with him. I understand this is a co-dependent relationship, but I love him. He is the first guy I EVER fell in love with.
Can anyone give me some words of advice? I feel like I'm addicted to this fantasy that we will work things out and be together forever. We do have this eccentric and insane connection to one another.....but, what do I do??
Please help. I'll also answer any questions you may have about this situation.
He is still very much an alcoholic who is still drinking everyday. He used to be very much into hard drugs, but has denied using them for a few years. However, a few weeks ago, he OD'd on heroin. He said this was a one-time thing that went wrong. I believed him.
Most recently I've noticed that his moods are extremely erratic. He'll love me one day, and despise me the next (of course this is all "my fault"). My bday was in October and he got me a cladduah (sp?) ring. I loved it and thought it meant that things were looking up. But I'm just constantly walking on eggshells with him. I understand this is a co-dependent relationship, but I love him. He is the first guy I EVER fell in love with.
Can anyone give me some words of advice? I feel like I'm addicted to this fantasy that we will work things out and be together forever. We do have this eccentric and insane connection to one another.....but, what do I do??
Please help. I'll also answer any questions you may have about this situation.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
How much more of his behavior are you going to tolerate? He isn't very stable and won't get stable while still drinking and using. I fear for your safety when he's abusive to you. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Taunton, MA
Posts: 3
Thank you, Least.
It can get scary. But the worst part is dealing with the emotional/mental abuse and/or neglect. I feel like I'm going crazy because of him, yet he can treat me this way with a smirk on his face. It can get very hurtful.
It can get scary. But the worst part is dealing with the emotional/mental abuse and/or neglect. I feel like I'm going crazy because of him, yet he can treat me this way with a smirk on his face. It can get very hurtful.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm sorry for your situation amja77 but I'm glad you found us.
Often it's hard to be objective when love is involved - but what would you say if it were a friend in this situation? what would you advise?
D
Often it's hard to be objective when love is involved - but what would you say if it were a friend in this situation? what would you advise?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think you know that he is abusing you by treating you the way he does. And, it sounds like you know you are hoping for a fantasy ending to this story, when it's not going to happen. He needs to get help for his mental issues and alcoholism, and you need to begin to take care of yourself.
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