NevarCiots

So I was clean for a good week and out of nowhere I just felt like "well lets get some drinks after work now that I feel better blah blah."

I was only drinking my 5 foster cans a night for I usually had to go to work. But yesterday, had the day off, and drank my 5, drunkenly walked to the store to get 3 more, and after those I went out a final time and got 3 MORE!!! Ugh I don't even remember the 3rd trip. How did this happen again! I thought we were supposed to be moderating I told myself.

Now i'm at work with the damn sunlight everywhere and my head just feels so floaty, got briefly dizzy for a moment

I better quit tonight and stay quit. I had to get stretchered out of work few monts ago because of this stuff. Scared.

Dee74

Glad to see you're ok.

So you're re-committing to abstinence? I think thats best.

I think you'd have a greater chance of success if you threw yourself into some kind of group or programme - but thats your call, not mine....

I really hope this is the time you call it quits Nevar.

D

Sorensen

I've done the same thing but with higher quantities. The worst is when I bought a 12 pack. Downed that, walked to the liquor store bought six more, downed that, then drove to a different liquor store and bought six more. I don't remember the rest, just that I didn't wake up till 1:00 p.m. the next day still drunk with a heart rate of 150 bpm. By 3:30 I was sure I was going to die I felt so poisoned that I called an ambulance. They hooked me up to an IV stuck me in a waiting room for four hours while I began to feel gradually worse, then the doctor told me to not drink so much and sent me home.... Yeah I know what it's like..

NevarCiots

Oh wow that's just about the amount I had yesterday. And that's what they did to me EXACTLY when I had to go to the ER. The IV. The "don't drink so much."

Ugh God my brain feels like it's trying to shrink.

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

Hevyn

I was doing that sort of thing too - that's why I couldn't trust myself ever again. I had to stop all together to be sure I'd never put myself in danger. I thought of it as denying myself at first - but now I realize I was getting free. It's a wonderful thing.

spinape

This is what happens to me. As a daily drinker, it was about 500ml of vodka per night. Abstain for a while and your playing catch up. Making dumb decisions like drinking and driving. Day 1. Keep at it!

Anna

It's a progressive disease and I remember being shocked at times by my behaviour.

I'm glad you decided to stop drinking.

beancounter26

Maybe you can use this experience the next time you want to drink. When thinking about that first drink, just fast forward to the reality ending of you ending up passed out or in the ER again. It might help to take some of the romance out of that first drink.

NevarCiots

Just noticed my join date. WOOOWWW close to 1 year since beginning an account here and still the same old mess. Ridiculous...

Well I feel a little better since a co-worker gave my some ibuprofen. But that is NO excuse to think I can play around with cans of beer any further.

NevarCiots

I have been to a 3 day detox and the ER since I joined up here. This drinking business is f*****g silly. It's starting to get OLD everyone!!!

Cmon Michael, get it together man...smh

Michael <-----me

wehav2day

Michael, nice to meet you. you can do this, man.

you are right, this drinking business is flippin' silly. and awful, anxiety producing, bank account draining, and eventually downright deadly.

I like what beancounter said, nothing quite kills the romance like a trip to the er. ain't that the truth!

bigsombrero

Sounds familiar, Michael. Been down that road, same as others here, the ambulance, the detox center, the seizures, the whole nine yards. I kept going until all was lost and finally went into rehab. Never thought it would get to that point...but it did.

And it will for you, too. You know why you don't see many 65 year-olds drinking 20 beers per night? Because they're either dead, or they've quit. This has to happen at some point, man. Face reality, there is no moderation. Sobriety is a crazy ride in itself, and it will open up your eyes to everything you've been missing.

Hope you make a decision that your life is worth it. Put this down for good.

NevarCiots

Thanks everyone. I want to be able to post some more positive messages on here. Can't really post "im sick "im tired" "what do seisures feel like" threads forever. You all have answered my ?'s. Many times in the past. I have the tools, the knowledge here on SR.

Just looked in the mirror and yelled "CUT IT OUT!" lol

Just giving myself a lil tough love

wehav2day

knowledge is powerful, but it doesn't keep us sober.

have you thought of seeing/talking to someone? aa? avrt? anything besides you and your brain? I can't even tell you how many relapses I have had, and almost all of them were because I thought I could handle quitting on my own.

chaili05

I agree with wehav2day- have you talked to anyone or thought about joining something in the hopes of having that assistance/accountability help you??
I've been exactly where you are at... except mine was 2 ER trips in one week with the same thing everyone else has said- being told "You have a problem don't drink so much" and being handed a sheet with groups listed on it. Gee thanks. Even that didn't stop me- kept going another couple months before this last attempt at sobriety. All that to say we all understand where you are coming from! You can do it though!

NevarCiots

Oh trust me I know of AA meeting all over town. I was really good at attending 2 of them a day and not drinking between them. Well, for a while. I stopped going to the only evening one after work. "Ew, can't stand the smoking allowed rule anymore, not going anymore."

That thought (excuse) coming from a person who smokes while drinking. It's not even that bad the smoking in the meeting. The beer was just waiting for me to get lazy, and I did.

chaili05

What also helped me a lot was literature... have you been reading any of the AA literature? I understand this is not for everyone, I just know that it's been helping me when I feel like I want to go buy a liter a vodka.

NevarCiots

[/COLOR][/COLOR] Oh yeah I have a big book and carry it around in my bookbag everyday. Problem was it was always laying at the bottom underneath the stupid cans. I need to get back into the book and I love reading here on the website.

That's another problem: I only visit you all only after I'm not feeling good after drinking the night before


=/

chaili05

It sounds like you have to really work to make it a priority- that's one thing I was reading today in a story... that your sobriety has to come first. So what if in the morning you forced yourself to read something in the big book, or come on SR for support, or something, anything, that works for you to get you in the right mindset? There will OF COURSE be a ton of times you think to yourself "I do NOT want to [insert activity that brings you focus and concentration on sobriety here]!"; however, really work to make it a priority?