Stilltrecking

Well today is day 52 clean from opiates, and things have been getting better. Not in the linear fashion that they were in the first 30 days, but they seem to overall be getting better still week by week. I still get these feelings of emptiness though and bouts of anxiety that feel like I'm on day 3. They are accompanied by a runny nose, which seems to be the definitive physical symptom of opiate withdrawal for me. Its so strange that i will get this runny nose for two days along with these mental symptoms, then it will go away in two days and i will feel happy and motivated and strong (physically) again. Are these PAWS symptoms? Has anyone ever made it through PAWS who can give me some advice and insight into some of the symptoms? I think the hardest thing about PAWS is not feeling like your moving forward anymore. It feels like your in a stasis in your recovery when you get hit with these symptoms, and you just can't tell if this is "you" or a symptom of PAWS. I was an opiate user btw. Any advice would be amazing, thank you and god bless
P.S. for all of you guys in your first two weeks(ish) i want to make it very clear that at day 50 you will feel infinitely better and these symptoms (although you will eventually have to deal with them) should not make you think that getting clean is a waste of time.

Dee74

Just my opinion, but I'm gonna suggest it might not be Paws.

I think bouts of emptiness and anxiety are pretty common. For most of us our drug of choice was a big part of our life - take that out and there's a big gaping hole.

What things have you done to try and fill that hole?

The other stuff, it might be possible you're simply run down - had a checkup recently? how's your diet and lifestyle?

D

Stilltrecking

I think you could be right. Rather than it being a chemical response, it could be just the fact that i loved my opies, and without them i have to find new ways to fill that void. I noticed i get those feelings during the times when i would use opiates (alone at night time). I have a very healthy lifestyle (minus all the tobacco) exercising an hour a day, exercising my mind and eating very healthy, socially active ect... But its those times at night when i am kind of bored and alone that my mind starts to go into that bad zone (not craving opiates, just thinking pessimistically) and i get a runny nose and feel kind of physically weak. Its so strange. But yea i think overtime (maybe even six months) ill learn newer and better ways to fill that "witching hour" with new things that make me happy and accomplished. I would still like to hear from people who know about PAWS though because i think it could be a combination of the two, 1/2 chemical and 1/2 just mental attachment to opiates at that specific time of night.

fancyfee

Congratulations on making it this far! I've found from reading other people's experiences on this board, and through my own, that many have a tough time around 45ish- 90ish days. I just hit 90 off sub so I can't really tell you anything personally beyond that time frame. I think it's common to struggle during this early period or we wouldn't have rehabs or IOPs or recovery groups. I don't know if it is clinically considered PAWS until 6 months but it is still difficult. Kind of like the residual goo left after the band aide stayed on too long.

I just had a pdoc appointment last week and quit benzos, and am finally seeing some light through the tunnel. I hope it passes quickly for you!

Copycat512

Stilltrecking, I'm 2 weeks off vicodin. My physical symptoms have passed but as Dee pointed out there is a hole where my pills used to be. It makes me sad and a little lonely. It's better when I'm super busy. Right now here on the couch on my laptop alone I sure would like my pill bottle!

DecBaby

I think PAWS is a very general term. When it is paws and when is it just other issues going on? When is it just life? In my experience things have leveled out emotionally for me a bit but I've also been actively working on that.

TiredEnough

Dec, I have the same thought on PAWS. It's such a blanket term who knows what is that and what is just life? How can anyone know the difference?

opentorecieve

Stilltrecking, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. God, I could have wrote your post. I'm day 51 off opiates and am experience so much of what you describe; even down to the pesky physical symptom (mine is excessive sweating) that makes me feel like I'm right back in the early trenches. I feel that flatness too, like nothing but makes me sparkle. PAWS is a very mysterious phase of getting clean and sober, I think it's different for everyone. As for myself I try to accept, PAWS or not, that I have to pay the piper, with opiate abuse you reap what you sow, u know? So I "treck" onwards, doing the next right thing, working my recovery and delighting in those days when joy consumes me. It will only get better.

Stilltrecking

I think we are in very similar boats. I do have days were everything is jolly good and i am having one of those today. So the best thing to do is not to put a timer one when i will feel amazing without opiates, but enjoy days like today were i do feel good. And recognize that these days are becoming more frequent and be grateful for that

TiredEnough

Trecking, from everything I have read here and what I experienced, what you are feeling is completely normal. I think your outlook is going to see you through this Don't time it, don't expect, just ride the waves.

cleaninLI

Stilltrecking I like your attitude. I think that's exactly how we should look at this. We were so used to taking our doc's at the least bit of discomfort. We controlled all these uncomfortable feelings, aches, pains with a pill. We can't do that any more. Now we have to learn to be patient and work through all our discomforts in the natural way. I think it takes time. Slowly but surely we will make it to the point where we will enjoy feeling normal whatever normal is for that day.

Stride34

As someone who has been through it, you are still early in the recovery process so you should continue to feel better over the course of 6 months or so, as your brain and nervous system heal.

But, A big thing with us opiate addicts is that we want to feel good, and can't stand not feeling good. Most humans are like this, but we take it to a whole nother level. When I was in PAWS, for months I thought every bad thing I felt, all the anxiety, depression, aches was due to getting off opiates, and that in time it would all go away. Now I realize that its just part of life, but I was numbing all those feelings. Hang in there. Things do get much better, and it gets much easier.

If things get severely uncomfortable, please see a mental health doc.

Stilltrecking

thanks stride your post means a lot and is very insightful to my situation.