Angel1234

This last week has been horrible and has made me sick at my own behavior. My abf and I had gotten back together once again. Things were great. My own family accepted him in again. He was doing well. He had quit his job working for his family a few weeks ago. Their family is very dysfunctional and he realized he was better off with some distance and was not on speaking terms with them. His dad was an alcoholic who wasn't around and his mom still drinks every day.
He was starting a new business which my sister was going to help him with.

A few days ago she was waiting to hear from him and he never showed up. His phone was off. My sister went over there and told me description of cars that were there. They never answered door. I went to my sisters. Worse thing I could have done is have drinks with her. I don't drink much and had not eaten. We had someone drive us back to his house. When I saw the two people in his house that are drug addicts who basically are considered squatters I flipped out. Told them to leave. Knocked things over, etc. I snapped. I'm so embarrassed. At my behavior.

One of the addicts called the cops. Next thing I knew at least ten cop cars are outside and they go in the house looking for my ABF. I didn't even get in any trouble. I was irate so the police told me to stay away from there and they had been watching the house for awhile and knew who these squatters were. They let us go. Later the police told me he had two warrants out for his arrest for not completing his probation from over a year ago. That's why they went in searching. They also went and searched and found out he had already been arrested.

When we got home my sister called my ABFs mom and told her what happened. It's her second house she was letting my bf live in. A few hours later she showed up at my family's house and told me she would never see me again and to stay away from her and she would be getting a ppo against me. I had no idea but one of the squatters was in the car outside. I tried to tell her who these people are. She steels copper for money, has a rap sheet for drug offenses and isn't even allowed o see her kids. This is the person she had in her car and was blaming me for everything?!?!?! She didn't even know her son was in jail or these people were being allowed to squat.

I'm horrified at my behavior. I can't believe I went there and confronted addicts who the police had been watching. I can't believe I knocked things around. I can't believe I lost all self control.

The next morning I called his parents to apologize for how things happened and his dad just started screaming at me to never call his house again. I was going to try and explain to them who these people are, what my ex had been doing , etc and apologize and they just screamed at me. I'm being scapegoated for all his problems.

I found out he was charged with possession of analougs... Pills. Probably adderall. His visitation is today and I'm horrified to go up there. I want to know what happened. I know the people who were helping him get this business started we're with him that day and dropped him off there. He had his opportunity and was so excited when I talked to him last and then from there no one knows how he ended up arrested an hour away.

Do I even bother going on visit him after all this? I'm just as disgusted with my own behavior. I'm fearful I will go up there And his family will show up during the same time. Should I just let him sit there and not speak to him at all?

pravchaw

I think you need to take a "time off". Emotions are too raw.

MLJ88

I think you need some distance- he's prob mad at you and you already know his family is mad. They are blaming you for his arrest. I think it's best you keep to yourself for awhile. Hs obviously been lying to you- he needs time to get himself together. Worry about yourself for now.

Carlotta

Do you need that craziness in your life?

KeepinItReal

He wasn't very nice or thoughtful of your sisters property by letting known squatters stay in her house without her permission. She is the landlord and has rights.
Of course his family is angry with you! They are blaming you for their son not speaking to them.
You have every right to be angry.
Also... lock up your sisters house! They will be back.

Dude111

As someone who has also done some embarrassing things in reaction to an addict's behavior I can empathize. I would recommend getting help and support for yourself. Go to local al-anon meeting and get a sponsor and work the steps. You could also get individual therapy which is what I have done for myself.

You will get healthier mentally and make better decisions for yourself when you get the support and help that you need. Stop worrying about your boyfriend and take care of yourself. Having him in jail might give you time and space to deal with your own problems. We neglect our own needs for the drama of addiction and that's not healthy for anyone. Good luck!

Ruby2

I would not go see him. Let things calm down and quite frankly, do you really, really expect a straight answer from him?

I have had a few drinks and gone nuts so I can empathize. I am embarrassed about it. Especially since I can't drink. Should not drink.

If his mom is stealing copper, he is using, his dad screams at you...walk away. Head held high. Stay safe.