csd

Hi, I joined a couple of days ago, thinking I probably dont need to, seeing as i finally got it through to the exag not to contact me, but i just read the " normie" post and omg, i thought i would laugh at all the bull i put up with, but hey im not, its all so sad, and i guess im no normie, iI have soooooooo much respect for each and everyone here.

sorry got emotional, I havent put up with half you guys have been through, I dont feel the right to say anything.

Ruby2

We all have our stories. We all have our pain. W le come.

Dee74

Welcome aboard csd

Like Ruby said we all have our stories - something you share may help someone else

D

Katiekate

csd, we would like to hear more about your story.

Please keep posting, and welcome to SR.

We care!

hopeful4

Hello and Welcome! If you found this place and took the time to read you need to be here. Everyone has issues to different degrees. It does not make one anymore relevant than someone elses, it is just not measured in that way. We are here to support each other and to listen. Please feel free to share in any way you wish!

Glad you are here!

csd

Thank you all, well I was with my AEXG for a year, I got pretty messed up within the first 6 months, until I started reading and learning my enemy, then I settled down and began doing the right things, like walking away when she was a mess and abusive, not enabling etc etc. the compulsive lying, the sudden changing in character, stopped bothering me. Then I one night she wouldnt get off the chair to help me make the bed, so we could sleep, she passed out, so I walked home,( I didnt live with her, but pretty much spent every night there). then im told by a third party, she went to her divorced neighbours and slept with him. her denials where almost convincing, until she passed out and left her phone infront of me, well curiosity killed the cat, there it was in text messages..... so that night I fronted her, very calmly and told her thats why I was leaving. I will never forget her 10yo girl in my arms crying, asking me to stay just for that night, ( I dont know what she will do ) her own words. I stayed till they were all asleep, then left. so anyway for the past 6 months, she has been sucking me back in, wants me back in her life, etc. I know she hasnt stopped sleeping around, so I have finally told her I cant be in a relationship or a friend until she sorts her life out and not to contact me. funny, she told her mother we were back together, then for the next 2 weeks its like I dont exist. Well I guess ive vented, but now the more distance I have, the more I see 2 things clearly. 1, the good times, were so out numbered by the bad times & 2, she did me a favour by opening my heart, which had been closed for a very long time & by cheating on me, cause I am loyal to the end and more than likely stayed by her side.
well thats about it, sorry if its a rant.

csd

ok well i guess im still believing in the unreal, getting texts right now, to come stay with her, cant do it, have to stay focused, please someone tell me im a fool. why do I feel so weak to her, I love her but ffs, what do I have to do.

ResignedToWait

Well, if you do decide to hop back onto that crazy train, feel free to come back here and get support once you can't stand the ride anymore.

Also, your story about the 10 y/o being home alone with her, and begging you to stay due to fear from her?? That is a tragedy waiting to happen.
One option....you can make an anonymous report to Child Protective Services, and they will investigate.
Possibly sending a 10 y/o into foster care by herself is not ideal in any situation...but considering the alternative?

ShootingStar1

csd, stay focused! You chose your path for very very good reasons, and she hasn't provided anything new or different to change your mind.

One thing I found that may be helpful is that my head was a much better judge of what behavior was the best choice for me than my heart. What I wanted, sometimes so desperately, just wasn't going to be good for me. So I made the best decisions I could, then just let myself feel and tried to deal with my feelings separately.

ShootingStar1

Hammer

where is the dad for the 10 y.o.?

Probably needs to be contacted.

Overall description you have sounds more than just A.

Mental Illness tracks along this path. Maybe look at this >>>

Borderline Personality Disorder - Support group for families and relationship partners

The kid needs help. Get her out of there. CALL: School, Family, Legal/Family Court Kid's Dad, etc.

steelman1649

Tough situation and tough choices still lie ahead. Kudos to you for finding this place and getting some perspective.

You've already made it over the mountain so many of us are still climbing, congrats. Do you really want to go through all that again? Life is too short. Find a healthy person to build a life with that you can trust and respect. Trying to work things out with an A that you don't trust or respect will often turn you into something ugly.

I would ignore her pleas, but contact enough people to know the kid will be safe.

csd

well its a new day, I survived, went to bed. I didnt really explain the 10y/o properly sorry, she meant she didnt know what her mother would do to herself. I know she would never hurt them, she has 3. as for the father, well lets just say he has his own addiction.
thanks for the replies, time to get my head right and go to work.

csd

ok, well I thought I would just add on here, it was obvious the message of no contact wasnt going to work, anyway, quick run down....
I caught up with exa on the weekend ( whilst sober ) mainly for my own closure type thing. Well I basically told her what she had been doing for the last 6 months to me. ( I kinda wanted it all out there, maybe wanted to see if she even realised ) well she didnt, seeing as she asked me to stay with her that night straight away. Anyway, she still denied things until I told her days, dates, names ( man I hate my memory sometimes) then she cried and wouldnt talk anymore ( nothing new ). I wasnt mean, I didnt raise my voice, I just say it how it is, I always have.
Basically getting to the point, I felt better for me, kind of lifted a little. I ended up texting sorry for the truth, I got a thank you for it. She ended up joining this site last night, I hope she reads and stays here, but thats entirely her choice. I am clearer now, its still like she will never get out of my head, but thats ok, I can live comfortably in solace with my head, cause I am in control ( just for today ).

I dont usually talk much at all, but its easy here, no faces, good place just to release anything and everything.

teresasue

It sounds like my issue with my soon to be xABF.
I was soo loyal and i am (was) in love with him. He drinks everyday and lives out of state, hoping to have me there with him; but he drinks everyday and he sleeps around alot, like he has a big appetite or something; no morals. Does drinking really cause you to just sleep with who and whatever all the time?
I am so sorry u went thru this. i was with my xabf for 2 years; more bad than good. i supported him an awful lot. You seem like a good person, everyone here deserves better than what we have run into... I cant stand alcoholics now, i will run so fast and far away...from them.
Btw, his sister is the same , she drinks everyday, 51 yrs old, and sleeps with every guy that walks by... Im so disgusted!!! Run!!!

csd

Thanks teresasue, this is only my opinion, I believe alcohol and infedelity go hand in hand, but when they are with a partner, I do not believe it can be blamed on alcohol. A cheater is a cheater, I personally dont believe its an alcohol problem, i believe its a character problem. I read somewhere, an cheating alcoholic who becomes a recovering alcoholic, still cheats. just my opinion. and yes we deserve better, and the further you distance yourself from them, the more you come to realise it.

wow listen to me, from the first sooking post to this, who am I....

teresasue

character says alot. Geez, sometimes women go for a man so charming because he has looks, intelligent and talks u off your feet( especially at a bar). and all of a sudden, off on an ego trip with his other partners. I associated with someone that said he loved me , while probably on his way to check into a hotel; ( but said he slept on the beach all night, ha).
I wish i can just erase his face out of my head. He is very attractive, but a non committal man; even thou he says " that im crazy to think there is someone else. im in a different state.. I need help, after finding out about all his women...

teresasue

I feel so low and I feel he has some power over me due to his strong personality.

csd

been there, done that, know exactly what u r talking about.
you feel low because he took away from you what you gave him, power over you. take it back now. at the end of the day, I never really thought about someone cheating on me, i just guessed I would of gone crazy and bashed the poop out of the guy ( I wouldnt hit a woman if my life depended on it) but in the end, I just said I forgive you and walked away ( I have read way too many f****** quotes in the last 6 months, but you know this one was right on the dot.

Forgiveness doesnt excuse their behaviour.
Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart.

I read it, as i truly forgive them, I can move on and forget about them, its no longer my anchor. If I dont, then what is now sadness, will become resentment, then hatred, then evil. when I thought about it, there was no better option.

teresasue

I pray when i wake up tomorrow, that i might have a tad amt of forgiveness. Too soon. Just finding out all the bad stuff of my xAbF...

csd

this isnt going to sound good, but try not to let that get to you, just remeber what is meant to be will be, believe in it, believe in yourself, refind you.