Been fighting alcoholism too long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oxford
Posts: 126
Been fighting alcoholism too long
I have been fighting alcoholism too long but not really doing the right thing.
A year ago I read parts of AA's big book and it struck me there is a way out.
I reluctantly went to my first AA meeting then and hoped they could save me from my path of self destruction. The first meeting was great.
My second meeting in a different location was a different experience.
It seemed gloomy and dark, I left feeling depressed, went and bought a bottle of JD to drown these feelings.
I went back to the first meeting and attended as often as I could, I was still drinking but learning from others.
In my arrogance I thought my problem was no where near as bad as some of the people there. And thought I can manage this myself.
So I attempted to do.
I moderated my drinking to almost social levels for a while. And as most of you will know.
I slowly slipped back into drinking alone everyday at home.
Creating my own prison of isolation, fear, self doubt and daily hangovers.
Feeling in a desparate place 2 weeks ago, I picked up my copy of the big book and started to read it again.
I don't know at what point this happened but it was like someone had flicked a light switch.
"My recovery is not about me"
My recovery is about saving the lives of other people.
I can save other lives help people recover.
WOW
Last Saturday I went back to what was the depressing AA group with this new light and it was a totally different experience. The room was bright and filled with welcoming faces.
I didn't try to change the things I couldn't, I accepeted them, it was me that had changed :-)
Sunday I went to what I will call my "home group", with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. No longer in fear and looking for a cure for me. I went knowing I can help other people.
Yes, I am on the first steps but it feels great.
My prison walls have gone, fear has left me, I am no longer living in isolation.
Through AA I know I have millions of friends all over the World.
Peace and love
T
A year ago I read parts of AA's big book and it struck me there is a way out.
I reluctantly went to my first AA meeting then and hoped they could save me from my path of self destruction. The first meeting was great.
My second meeting in a different location was a different experience.
It seemed gloomy and dark, I left feeling depressed, went and bought a bottle of JD to drown these feelings.
I went back to the first meeting and attended as often as I could, I was still drinking but learning from others.
In my arrogance I thought my problem was no where near as bad as some of the people there. And thought I can manage this myself.
So I attempted to do.
I moderated my drinking to almost social levels for a while. And as most of you will know.
I slowly slipped back into drinking alone everyday at home.
Creating my own prison of isolation, fear, self doubt and daily hangovers.
Feeling in a desparate place 2 weeks ago, I picked up my copy of the big book and started to read it again.
I don't know at what point this happened but it was like someone had flicked a light switch.
"My recovery is not about me"
My recovery is about saving the lives of other people.
I can save other lives help people recover.
WOW
Last Saturday I went back to what was the depressing AA group with this new light and it was a totally different experience. The room was bright and filled with welcoming faces.
I didn't try to change the things I couldn't, I accepeted them, it was me that had changed :-)
Sunday I went to what I will call my "home group", with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. No longer in fear and looking for a cure for me. I went knowing I can help other people.
Yes, I am on the first steps but it feels great.
My prison walls have gone, fear has left me, I am no longer living in isolation.
Through AA I know I have millions of friends all over the World.
Peace and love
T
to SR - glad you're finding peace in your life 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I love your attitude. I agree that AA is about helping each other stay sober. Carrying the message. One alcoholic helping another and that is how it started.
I have heard others say that If I even had 1 day sober I could share with someone else how I did it.
But for me recovery is more than that.
The solution AA speaks of is in the 1st 164 pages of the book.
I have to save my life first.
I have heard others say that If I even had 1 day sober I could share with someone else how I did it.
But for me recovery is more than that.
The solution AA speaks of is in the 1st 164 pages of the book.
I have to save my life first.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Well done Takoda
We will never win a fight against alcohol.
Everybody fighting it loses because it just wears us down in the end.
A lifelong struggle is going to do that. Eventually......
IMO, it is only when this is understood that we 'win'.
The path becomes clearer and the chains fall away in time.
Early days for me, but with help i am hopeful of a better life having fought it for 35 years.
God speed on your journey.
G
We will never win a fight against alcohol.
Everybody fighting it loses because it just wears us down in the end.
A lifelong struggle is going to do that. Eventually......
IMO, it is only when this is understood that we 'win'.
The path becomes clearer and the chains fall away in time.
Early days for me, but with help i am hopeful of a better life having fought it for 35 years.
God speed on your journey.
G
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Takoda 
Service work has certainly helped me - just don't forget about you in all this...I think our recovery actually needs to be about us too or we can be no good to others...
You're important too
D
Service work has certainly helped me - just don't forget about you in all this...I think our recovery actually needs to be about us too or we can be no good to others...
You're important too
D
Last edited by Dee74; 10-29-2013 at 04:13 PM.
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