My friend is on life support , how do i do this without you ( alcohol) :-(
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I know this is not a very comfortable answer but you just do it Snoozy.
I found I was a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
I've been able to be there for others and been able to process things naturally, and sometimes I've had to grieve too.
It hurt, but it didn't kill me - I think maybe I grew a little even.
It's scary I know but I know you can do this sober and you'll be glad you did - honestly.
Prayers for your friend, and for you
D
I found I was a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
I've been able to be there for others and been able to process things naturally, and sometimes I've had to grieve too.
It hurt, but it didn't kill me - I think maybe I grew a little even.
It's scary I know but I know you can do this sober and you'll be glad you did - honestly.
Prayers for your friend, and for you
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
You do it because this isn't about you. Your friend deserves to have you as clearheaded and clearhearted as you can possibly be. Your friend deserves your purest, cleanest, most beautiful positive energy to either to help them heal or to help them transition. A drunk does nothing but add to any problem. You need to uplift the situation not bring it down.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by SnoozyQ 
How the hell do i do this sober ?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
You do it because, as much as it hurts, it's really not about you. I say this from experience, not to be harsh.
Twice in the past 2 years, I've been across the country for dying or death of a loved one. This side of my family is rampant with addiction. Both times, I was the stable one, I was the one others knew they could count on.
Yes, I used to be a nurse and though I lost that career to drugs, I still am one at heart. However, watching my grandma die in front of me over more than 2 days? It didn't matter what I'd done in my past, it hurt.
I've grieved, I still do. However, I know that people could be there for my g'ma without having to worry about ME going off the loose end (as we did my uncle).
I don't mean to be all about me, but bottom line - I can't imagine having to deal with real-life emergencies AND have to deal with "um, well I was messed up" on top of it later. You owe it to you and to your friend.
This is life, and sometimes it hurts like hell. It all balances out in the long run (IMO), though.
Keeping you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers,
Amy
Twice in the past 2 years, I've been across the country for dying or death of a loved one. This side of my family is rampant with addiction. Both times, I was the stable one, I was the one others knew they could count on.
Yes, I used to be a nurse and though I lost that career to drugs, I still am one at heart. However, watching my grandma die in front of me over more than 2 days? It didn't matter what I'd done in my past, it hurt.
I've grieved, I still do. However, I know that people could be there for my g'ma without having to worry about ME going off the loose end (as we did my uncle).
I don't mean to be all about me, but bottom line - I can't imagine having to deal with real-life emergencies AND have to deal with "um, well I was messed up" on top of it later. You owe it to you and to your friend.
This is life, and sometimes it hurts like hell. It all balances out in the long run (IMO), though.
Keeping you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers,
Amy
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
SnoozyQ, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend
You know in your heart that drinking is going to provide a very brief, very short term relief. In reality, maybe it will feel like it dulls the pain a bit but then what are you going to do? Cry in your drink so is it really helping? On top of that you'll not only have to contend with dealing with your friend being on life support you'll have to do it with a hangover.
It's natural in a stressful situation to use alcohol as the go to. However, you're going to find that dealing with this head on is the better choice.
We're all here for you.
You know in your heart that drinking is going to provide a very brief, very short term relief. In reality, maybe it will feel like it dulls the pain a bit but then what are you going to do? Cry in your drink so is it really helping? On top of that you'll not only have to contend with dealing with your friend being on life support you'll have to do it with a hangover.
It's natural in a stressful situation to use alcohol as the go to. However, you're going to find that dealing with this head on is the better choice.
We're all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
You do it because the one thing you can do for him/her and yourself is be clear headed, alert, hydrated, well nourished so that you can do anything your friend may need whether that's beside him/her, at your home or elsewhere.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It doesn't help us Snoozy. It never makes anything any better or easier. It only adds to our anxiety. I found it actually made me weaker and less able to cope. Prayers up for your friend and you - I'm so sorry this is happening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: MI
Posts: 102
Snoozy, I'm an active alcoholic who has been struggling to get sober. Seventeen days ago my best friend committed suicide. At first I thought the experience would propel me to being sober as he was a fellow addict, but then I just grieved with some incredibly dark days of being drunk.
My advice to you would be to not think about the thoughts of your friend and your addiction in the same thought process. Treat one as personal and one as business, maybe, as a metaphor? Try to separate the two things in your head any way you can. I don't know, I just know I am experiencing something similar to what you're describing, and I hope you can handle it better than I am.
God bless you and your friend.
My advice to you would be to not think about the thoughts of your friend and your addiction in the same thought process. Treat one as personal and one as business, maybe, as a metaphor? Try to separate the two things in your head any way you can. I don't know, I just know I am experiencing something similar to what you're describing, and I hope you can handle it better than I am.
God bless you and your friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
The devastating thing is we have just finished fundraising $4000 to send him overseas as he qualified for the world championship games.
We have a weekly group. We meet every Wednesday and play tournaments once a month. He is gifted with words and chess.
He lost both his parents when he was 15 then 22 and has 1 sister.
He really needed a break in life.
Airline tickets all booked etc . Now he wont be going as it's only weeks away.
This is just too sad , beyond words.
His brain has shrunk and they are pretty sure he has brain damage.
He is only 27 - devastating.
Thank you i appreciate your posts , it's not about me . Xx
We have a weekly group. We meet every Wednesday and play tournaments once a month. He is gifted with words and chess.
He lost both his parents when he was 15 then 22 and has 1 sister.
He really needed a break in life.
Airline tickets all booked etc . Now he wont be going as it's only weeks away.
This is just too sad , beyond words.
His brain has shrunk and they are pretty sure he has brain damage.
He is only 27 - devastating.
Thank you i appreciate your posts , it's not about me . Xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
SnoozyQ, you and your friend are in my thoughts. I know you will stay sober through this as it's the right thing to do for you and for your friend. If you don't mind sharing, please do keep us all posted on the situation so we can be here for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Snoozy - My specialty in nursing was brain/spinal cord injuries and diseases. Prior to my addiction, I had to lose my baby (18-years-old) stepsister to a brain injury. I did what I could out of love and I don't regret a thing.
Long story short - she had a daughter 13 mos. old when she died. I was there for that baby for years, then became an addict. The "baby's" bio-dad is also an addict.
20 years later, that "baby" is married and her daughter is about to turn 1. Her bio dad is back in prison. We had our rough times when I finally got clean, but we have an awesome relationship now.
NONE of this would have happened had I gone out and gotten f'd up when her mama was on life support.
I know it's hard to not just want to get numb. I know it's hard to think about the future. I'm just telling my story because I want to show you...you never know what the future holds, but as long as you're putting that one right foot in front of the other? It's a good thing.
Take deep breaths, know that worrying or grief won't kill you. It will hurt, but we work through it. We are here for you.
Love, hugs. and prayers,
Amy
Long story short - she had a daughter 13 mos. old when she died. I was there for that baby for years, then became an addict. The "baby's" bio-dad is also an addict.
20 years later, that "baby" is married and her daughter is about to turn 1. Her bio dad is back in prison. We had our rough times when I finally got clean, but we have an awesome relationship now.
NONE of this would have happened had I gone out and gotten f'd up when her mama was on life support.
I know it's hard to not just want to get numb. I know it's hard to think about the future. I'm just telling my story because I want to show you...you never know what the future holds, but as long as you're putting that one right foot in front of the other? It's a good thing.
Take deep breaths, know that worrying or grief won't kill you. It will hurt, but we work through it. We are here for you.
Love, hugs. and prayers,
Amy
Bobbi
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