KateL

I live with alone with my son (Freudian slip, but yes, I am alone.)

To cut a long story short, my violent ex lost his mother a couple of years ago and my son, who has learned mental bullying without the violence, brought his gran's dog to live with us (I didn't have a choice in the matter). Since then, I have always fed, walked and paid for all the dog's needs. It is vicious and has bitten me several times, but they don't care. I guess they could have had it trained but they never bothered and I can't afford that. The dog bit my friend recently and she didn't press charges but I bought him a muzzle.

Yesterday he got hold of the muzzle and tore it to shreds. On his walk this morning, he was on a short lead, but as a man passed by he lunged and pulled me with him (I am not very strong, due to arthritis). I am not sure if he will press charges, but of course it's all my fault.

Just thought I would vent. I can be tough and tell them all to eff off but I am trying to be a bit more serene than that.

KateL

Thanks for the support. Any suggestions? I am in one of those impossible situations.

FeelingGreat

Please take the dog to the vet and get it put down. It's a dangerous animal, and if it's bitten you several times, and you are it's master, then it will attack anyone. You need to take responsibility for this. Your son does not pay for the dog, and will not be the one being sued so he does not have a say. If you can't control it, you could be charged as a criminal if the dog does serious damage. Imagine if he attacked a child.
I suggest you don't discuss this with him, just go ahead and do it.

KateL

Thank you. I really needed someone to tell me that. I will heed your advice because you are quite right, especially the bit about the child. If they never speak to me again, it might actually be a good thing.

foolsgold66

First, I love dogs and would struggle with this myself but then do what needs to be done. Kate this dog needs to 'go to the farm'. Have it put down, if you must, use whatever excuse you need for the dogs disappearance to pacify those who cannot understand the wisdom of that decision.

KateL

Yes, the serenity prayer springs to mind. They will know what I have done however. But if they decide never to speak to me again (which is probably what will happen) then so be it. They are unreasonable and I don't need people like that in my life, blood or no blood.

Twinings

If your in London and it's got any kind of staffy/pit etc in it they won't even let the dog live even if it hasn't bit anyone and you let him go because there are soooo many unwanted

If he hasn't there is hope for the animal but it is not with you. You could find a no kill rescue center, they may be willing to retrain the animal rather than have to put him down. Or let him live out his days in the rescue center.
It's not the animals fault. He's not had a master, he's attacked you cus it doesn't know your supposed to be his master, he doesn't know where he stands and is confused.

You can't keep the dog without it being unfair on him and you.
I'm sorry for your difficult situation but I don't agree the dog HAS to be put down because he hasn't been trained properly. A dog can be rehabilitated.

FeelingGreat

KateL, I applaud your decision. As for what the others say, well if they haven't taken any responsibility for the dog they can hardly tell you what to do.
As you say, it might be a blessing not having them talking to you!

Croissant

Kate, what others have said is true, the dog needs to be put down. I would ring. The local council and ask the to assist you if you cannot pay for it yourself. Is the dog registered in your sons name?

Do not feel bad about this. When I was little my little friend got half his face mauled by a dog who wandered into their backyard.

This dog is a time bomb, please know you are doing the right thing to have it put down.

Nuway2fly

I'm really sorry you are in this situation, Kate. I don't have advice exactly, but if you decide to have the dog put down, I support the decision you make. One thought: if the dog is not current on his vaccines, he may need a visit to the vet to assure the man bitten that the dog does not have rabies.

Anna

I am a huge animal lover, but this poor animal clearly can not be near people. Perhaps your vet could find a farm home for this dog or someone who would take and spend the time and money training him. But, you are doing harm to yourself and others by keeping this animal with you.

KateL

It's ok he has all his vaccines up to date. He is a Jack Russell. I told my son what happened and he blames me and has been stomping around all day taking his mood out on me and ordering me about to make him food etc although I am in constant pain with fibromyalgia. He is just eighteen but has learned bullying behaviour from his father who says I should not be respected because I am stupid and used to be a drunk (although he is one still) It is going to be tough but I must stand my ground and wear a tin hat because I will probably be hit somewhere along the line (by the ex). Some people are just plain evil. The ex's family all have a history of violence including his late mother, so it's no wonder the dog is the way he is. The ex brother in law used to kick him. I have tried to look after the dog after he was forced on me with the threat of 'you have him or he'll be put down.' But I can't do it any more.

Skye2

Kate - if your son is 18, he's old enough to have his bullying a$$ thrown out the door!
Please phone women's aid and have a chat with them - no-one should have to live with that!!

There might possibly be some animal rescues that would be prepared to take on and retrain the dog, but you'd need to ask around. I can try and help with that as I have contacts all over the UK.

Your son though at 18, is now an adult under the law, so I would seriously have a confidential chat with womens aid, or pop into your local women's centre - even if you don't want to follow their advice, it at least get's you out of the house.

Xx

PS If you are under threat of violence womens aid can find you somewhere to stay temporarily while you regain your strength - they are wonderful - please phone them X

TexasMichael

Your son sounds like he is more trouble than the dog. If he is "ordering you about to make food etc." it is because you are letting him.

I know it is easier said than done, but it sounds like there needs to be some priorities adjusted.

18 is old enough to contribute to the household, or at least be appreciative, ie "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."

UpForIt

I adopted a dog years ago that I had to make that awful decision about. I exhausted what I thought were all options, trainers, vets. I trusted him completely in my home with me but as soon as he was outside or I wasn't around he was completely unpredictable. It got to the point that I didn't dare take him anywhere. It took me a long time to figure it out but he didn't have a good life either. It was one of the worst things I have had to do.

littlefish

We can be alcoholics and have codependency issues. Great work on getting sober! You might consider alanon because you have some codependent relationships that are screaming for boundaries. Establishing boundaries would be for example, not accepting a pet you really don't want in your home, not allowing your son to bully you, not taking care of the pet when it is your son's job, etc.
Do you really mean that you expect your ex to physically harm you over this? (hit you?)
Then it is really not just alanon that you could use, there is help for domestic violence: it starts by asking for help -

Carlotta

it s your house, your rules and your boundaries. I would not tolerate violence or bullying in my home whether it be by humans or animals. I agree with the other poster it seems like yoy have codependency issues. I m a double winner myself, in recovery for both alcoholism and codependency.
being bullied is not acceptable Is your son or someone close to you also an alcoholic or addict?

soberhawk

I have put a dog down due to behavior issues, it was with sorrow I did that. Putting an animal down if done probably is not the worst solution.

You should never ever have a dog that makes you worried and certainly not a dog that you are afraid of – there are two solutions to that find another owner (often not sensible) or put it down.

Jack Russels are small, but they can be rather dominant and are working dogs, they are not that easy to handle always.

KateL

No, he isn't but his father is and is constantly sticking his nose in. I want to make enough money to go and live in Spain where I lived before and was happy. Not running away but there is nothing left here for me.

KateL

Thanks for the advice everyone, it has really helped,