I feel like a pathetic excuse for a Human Being.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
I feel like a pathetic excuse for a Human Being.
Hi all! Well its Sunday again and once again im sitting here after probably consuming 50 cans + this weekend. Its terrible I know.
I wrote my last post here saying that I had some self realisation and was going to kick it this time. What a load of rubbish that turned out to be. I managed 1 day. That's was all!! I want to refocus my mind like I did a short time ago and back then I lasted almost 5 weeks. I should have learned not to pick up that first drink but I did. I didn't do anything except laugh and smile this weekend and no arguments were had and there is no anxiety or regret this weekend thank god. But that's not to say there wont be. I am fully aware of where I am heading if I don't stop drinking, and that's what scares me. I cannot go to rehab because of endless financial commitments that are only just surviving now, and I have looked into many ways to do it but just simply cannot afford to. Then there's AA. I have tried many times at meetings and just feel so uncomfortable there.
I have it in me to quit as I have managed before for lengthy periods so why cant I this time. I tell you what I do know.. Is that if I ever get that power back again then I will add my lessons to it. The main lesson is certainty 100% full proff (pardon the pun) ..DONT TOUCH THAT FIRST DRINK, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT IT DOWN AGAIN. Truth.
I wrote my last post here saying that I had some self realisation and was going to kick it this time. What a load of rubbish that turned out to be. I managed 1 day. That's was all!! I want to refocus my mind like I did a short time ago and back then I lasted almost 5 weeks. I should have learned not to pick up that first drink but I did. I didn't do anything except laugh and smile this weekend and no arguments were had and there is no anxiety or regret this weekend thank god. But that's not to say there wont be. I am fully aware of where I am heading if I don't stop drinking, and that's what scares me. I cannot go to rehab because of endless financial commitments that are only just surviving now, and I have looked into many ways to do it but just simply cannot afford to. Then there's AA. I have tried many times at meetings and just feel so uncomfortable there.
I have it in me to quit as I have managed before for lengthy periods so why cant I this time. I tell you what I do know.. Is that if I ever get that power back again then I will add my lessons to it. The main lesson is certainty 100% full proff (pardon the pun) ..DONT TOUCH THAT FIRST DRINK, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO PUT IT DOWN AGAIN. Truth.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
The program of AA is in the 12 steps, not meetings. When you tried AA before, did you have a sponsor and work the steps? Maybe you could try again and do the program?
Whether you choose AA or some other program, you definitely NEED some kind of face-to-face support to help you. White-knuckling it just doesn't work for drinkers like us.
You aren't a pathetic excuse for a human being. You are like many of us here who tried many times before we were able to make it take hold. Keep trying. Do something you haven't done before if you want different results. You CAN do it!
Whether you choose AA or some other program, you definitely NEED some kind of face-to-face support to help you. White-knuckling it just doesn't work for drinkers like us.
You aren't a pathetic excuse for a human being. You are like many of us here who tried many times before we were able to make it take hold. Keep trying. Do something you haven't done before if you want different results. You CAN do it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 8
This doesn't make you a pathetic excuse for a human being - it's these foibles that are the very essence of being human.
No expert in these matters, but it seems from reading these baords, that lots of folks who have quit successfully had a few stumbles along the way.
Put those 50 cans out of your mind. No sense crying over spilt milk or gulped beer :-). What matters now is the rest of today. . . .
We're all in this together.
No expert in these matters, but it seems from reading these baords, that lots of folks who have quit successfully had a few stumbles along the way.
Put those 50 cans out of your mind. No sense crying over spilt milk or gulped beer :-). What matters now is the rest of today. . . .
We're all in this together.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
Originally Posted by suki44883 
You aren't a pathetic excuse for a human being. You are like many of us here to tried many times before we were able to make it take hold. Keep trying. Do something you haven't done before if you want different results. You CAN do it!
And as for AA, I never did the steps, but for the first year or so I went to a lot of meetings. I sat in the back and listened, didn't share much. Even if I didn't realize it at the time, I got a little something out of each meeting. Take what you need and leave the rest. And a commitment to a meeting, kept me from drinking for that day.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
You are not pathetic. Your disease wants you to believe you are pathetic, so it can take hold of you. You are not pathetic and you can stop drinking now. You're right about changing your thoughts and perspective.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 321
I've been there. On my last day, nearly nine months ago, I was living in my car. I was smoking pot at the time, I had been drinking but not every day. Every day I woke up and hit the pipe. Every night I did the same. Most of the day I couldn't go without it. This went on for several months, living in my car, bumming off of society and not doing a thing to help myself. I was truly a bum and a waste of a human being, or so I thought. Nine months ago I crawled out of my car and made a decision that brought me to where I am today. I went to AA and got a sponsor. I started to work the steps, and for the fifth time I started down the AA road to sobriety, probably the twentieth or thirtieth time I got sober. I am now clean and sober longer then I have ever been.
And it turns out I'm not a waste, I'm not pathetic. My behaviors were. There is a huge difference. In reality, I wasn't even me. I didn't give me a chance to run the show, and at the end the power of choice was a luxury I no longer had. Only by making that last ditch effort and surrendering to AA and my sponsors direction am I able to claim honest sobriety. And only by being sober am I able to learn who I truly am.
Hope this helps,
And it turns out I'm not a waste, I'm not pathetic. My behaviors were. There is a huge difference. In reality, I wasn't even me. I didn't give me a chance to run the show, and at the end the power of choice was a luxury I no longer had. Only by making that last ditch effort and surrendering to AA and my sponsors direction am I able to claim honest sobriety. And only by being sober am I able to learn who I truly am.
Hope this helps,
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