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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Hi everyone :
My name is nikki, I'm new to this forum and signed up during a particularly bad time when my husband was on a binge and out acting single again and like he hated me; I actually had to PEC him for the second time in 15 months bc he was starting fights, making threats and filing false police reports about stolen vehicles after destroying his mothers car and parents' house ... today he was all apologetic and asked if I was mad, but still tried to say he only drank a six pack, when a few days ago he was out all night (sans wedding ring, which was left on the headboard, "bc it falls off," ... kind if like the time it "fell off," into the truck cup holder just as he happened to drive up to a daiquiri bar when I was at work., and when I got home to him passed out, his phone was lighting up with text messages from 'Sasha,' from POF), anyway, I also knew about the fifth of wild turkey, or whatever it's called, that his brother had to pour out while I was at work, he also had to turn off the oven and stove that had frozen, still packaged, vegetables sitting in the perfect spot to cause a fire, i found the six pack of steel whatever that stuff is ... steel 24?, a six pack of 18 oz. miller light and when the coroner decided to pec him.,, he did it without even seeing him bc when he called for a police escort, the cops were already there, responding to his drunken false reports (he remembers none of this.,, bc he had already drank a fifth of vodka by 830 in the morning), so now the only way he can be released is to have a counseling session with the social worker ... this is why he tried to lie about it "only being a six pack," and told me that I need to act like everything is good and not mention our fights --- mostly over his binges and infidelity --- so that he can be released .,, I don't want him to hate me., but he needs help., serious, serious help .., these binges happen about every 4-8 weeks and last anywhere from 4 days to two weeks and usually land him in the hospital .,, I was even told once that had I not been there.,, he would have been dead and that he had enough alcohol in his system.,, that if he weren't an alcoholic, he'd be dead bc it was enough to kill three people.,, but due tonHIPPAA laws.,, they couldn't tell us the exact number ---- he has been to almost every mental hospital in the city and to rehab twice.,, completed it once.,, he puts on a god show at the mental hospitals and I've seen medications work.,, but they either get changed with no explanation, or he just stops taking them.,, or abuses them (I'm not even quite certain that he is an alcoholic bc he will do ANYTHING that he thinks will get him messed up --- he even snorted one of those packets of plant fertilizers that come with bouquets one time to see if it would work), right now I'm living with my mom bc I cannot have the kids around him.,, his patents said he can't go back to their place.,, do I don't know why he wants out so quickly.,, when he has nowhere to go ... I would do anything for him.,, but I can't afford to pay for an apartment for him right now like I have in the past AND I know that when I do that.,, he uses it as a ticket to NOTHING but drink.,, he hasn't worked since may/ June of 2012 and got fired from a company where his dad was his boss.,, but he finally couldn't save his job bc he stole the company truck to go see some chick, didnt show up and when he did.,, he had to be physically carried out of the room by the other guys on the job to get there.,, and finally threatened to kill one of his coworkers with a thing of rebarb.,, in any case.,, I love him so much.,, even though I swear he hates me and he's always accusing me of wanting other guys or cheating on him.,, ect ..., I just don't know what to do ... I actually found this forum by googling, 'why does my husband hate me?,' sad, huh? I'm just so lost right now and just want a normal marriage.
My name is nikki, I'm new to this forum and signed up during a particularly bad time when my husband was on a binge and out acting single again and like he hated me; I actually had to PEC him for the second time in 15 months bc he was starting fights, making threats and filing false police reports about stolen vehicles after destroying his mothers car and parents' house ... today he was all apologetic and asked if I was mad, but still tried to say he only drank a six pack, when a few days ago he was out all night (sans wedding ring, which was left on the headboard, "bc it falls off," ... kind if like the time it "fell off," into the truck cup holder just as he happened to drive up to a daiquiri bar when I was at work., and when I got home to him passed out, his phone was lighting up with text messages from 'Sasha,' from POF), anyway, I also knew about the fifth of wild turkey, or whatever it's called, that his brother had to pour out while I was at work, he also had to turn off the oven and stove that had frozen, still packaged, vegetables sitting in the perfect spot to cause a fire, i found the six pack of steel whatever that stuff is ... steel 24?, a six pack of 18 oz. miller light and when the coroner decided to pec him.,, he did it without even seeing him bc when he called for a police escort, the cops were already there, responding to his drunken false reports (he remembers none of this.,, bc he had already drank a fifth of vodka by 830 in the morning), so now the only way he can be released is to have a counseling session with the social worker ... this is why he tried to lie about it "only being a six pack," and told me that I need to act like everything is good and not mention our fights --- mostly over his binges and infidelity --- so that he can be released .,, I don't want him to hate me., but he needs help., serious, serious help .., these binges happen about every 4-8 weeks and last anywhere from 4 days to two weeks and usually land him in the hospital .,, I was even told once that had I not been there.,, he would have been dead and that he had enough alcohol in his system.,, that if he weren't an alcoholic, he'd be dead bc it was enough to kill three people.,, but due tonHIPPAA laws.,, they couldn't tell us the exact number ---- he has been to almost every mental hospital in the city and to rehab twice.,, completed it once.,, he puts on a god show at the mental hospitals and I've seen medications work.,, but they either get changed with no explanation, or he just stops taking them.,, or abuses them (I'm not even quite certain that he is an alcoholic bc he will do ANYTHING that he thinks will get him messed up --- he even snorted one of those packets of plant fertilizers that come with bouquets one time to see if it would work), right now I'm living with my mom bc I cannot have the kids around him.,, his patents said he can't go back to their place.,, do I don't know why he wants out so quickly.,, when he has nowhere to go ... I would do anything for him.,, but I can't afford to pay for an apartment for him right now like I have in the past AND I know that when I do that.,, he uses it as a ticket to NOTHING but drink.,, he hasn't worked since may/ June of 2012 and got fired from a company where his dad was his boss.,, but he finally couldn't save his job bc he stole the company truck to go see some chick, didnt show up and when he did.,, he had to be physically carried out of the room by the other guys on the job to get there.,, and finally threatened to kill one of his coworkers with a thing of rebarb.,, in any case.,, I love him so much.,, even though I swear he hates me and he's always accusing me of wanting other guys or cheating on him.,, ect ..., I just don't know what to do ... I actually found this forum by googling, 'why does my husband hate me?,' sad, huh? I'm just so lost right now and just want a normal marriage.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Hi Nikki,
Welcome to SR.
Sounds like a rough time, I am sorry you are going through this.
I am not having problems with a spouse more my self
.
There are though many here with similar experiences as you. You should probably look into the Friends and Family section also.
Glad you joined use.
You know it is not only about how you husband feels it is very important that you also take care of yourself.
Take care
Welcome to SR.
Sounds like a rough time, I am sorry you are going through this.
I am not having problems with a spouse more my self
. There are though many here with similar experiences as you. You should probably look into the Friends and Family section also.
Glad you joined use.
You know it is not only about how you husband feels it is very important that you also take care of yourself.
Take care
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Hi nikki;
This is a really tough situation. You should look at the friends and family thread since there are many people there dealing with addict spouses. I looked there yesterday and the overall picture that I got was that you should take care of yourself and your children first, and that an addict is going to do anything they can to feed their addiction even at the cost of the their family. As you say yourself, if you pay for an apartment he will just drink. If I were in your situation, I don't think I would consider living with this person under these conditions. It doesn't sound like he wants to / is ready to quit. That has to be his decision, and you are not responsible for that, no matter how much you love him. Please take care.
I hope you can reach out to some local help in your area to help you deal with this and of course post on the forum. I wish you the best
This is a really tough situation. You should look at the friends and family thread since there are many people there dealing with addict spouses. I looked there yesterday and the overall picture that I got was that you should take care of yourself and your children first, and that an addict is going to do anything they can to feed their addiction even at the cost of the their family. As you say yourself, if you pay for an apartment he will just drink. If I were in your situation, I don't think I would consider living with this person under these conditions. It doesn't sound like he wants to / is ready to quit. That has to be his decision, and you are not responsible for that, no matter how much you love him. Please take care.
I hope you can reach out to some local help in your area to help you deal with this and of course post on the forum. I wish you the best
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,336
Hi nikki,
I think your first obligation is to your children and yourself....keeping them safe and cared for. If you read through the Friends and Family section of this forum, you'll probably relate to many of the stories....it helps to not feel alone and be with others who understand.
Welcome to SR, you are among folks who understand the pain of addiction.
I think your first obligation is to your children and yourself....keeping them safe and cared for. If you read through the Friends and Family section of this forum, you'll probably relate to many of the stories....it helps to not feel alone and be with others who understand.
Welcome to SR, you are among folks who understand the pain of addiction.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 345
Originally Posted by uclanikki 
I would do anything for him
unfortunately, there is nothing you can do for a person lost in their addiction.
it is crazy, but it seems we should be able to talk some sense into them, reason with them, show them all the ways their life is getting messed up, but until that person wants to really stop the madness, our efforts are worthless and actually can enable them further. i suggest you get support asap, through counseling and/or alanon (it's for family members of alcoholics), and i can bet they have a group within 15 minutes of where you live.
also, you are not responsible for your husband's addiction. it has actually nothing to do with you, he is sick. i have a beautiful, wonderful wife, that loves me unconditionally and supports me, and i still drank like a stupid idiot and acted like an a**hole in my addiction. a foundation of alanon is 1) you didn't cause it, 2) you can't control it, and 3) you can't cure it.
there is also a friends and family area on SR that you may find value
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
keep posting!
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