Cleanman

Hello, everyone. I hope this title is what I think it is
At first, I am very sorry for my english, this is not my mother language, so don`t be rude about my grammar mistakes.

So, I `ll start with that I have smoked weed from time I was just 15 years old, now I am almost 24. Also I have been drinking a lot for some time, some years ago. I had an access to weed every day, perfectly grow weed. I smoked about 5G a day ussualy, sometimes it was up to 10G a day and even then I could do more, but I couldnt afford it more..

I was like a guy from Mac Millers song - "I smoke till I halucinate"..
I really loved this process and I thought I wont stop it never ever! I smoked strains like Orange Agent, AK-47, White Widow.
I smoked cigaretes and then I started to smoke rolling tobace, becauze it was much cheaper. And I got so accustomed to tabaco, that I couldnt smoke no cigaretes at all! Then somehow I could use one (40g) pack of tobacco for almost 2 months, becauze I used it for weed, as a mix.

I lived with my parents and then I decided that I will move in with my girlfriend. And last moth before I quit weed I felt that after smoking it, my hands started to sweat and I felt discomfort. And that month (last month I smoked weed) i did it just some 5 times, 5 evenings. At that time I had a, how to name it? - Astral dream and i dont know why I thought I am gaining powers to control everything around me, even weather (sounds crazy, huh?)

And so it began, few days I thought that I really control everything around me, like I am a God or something. It is really unexplainable.

That day, when everything changed i will call a "boom" day...
Four days before "boom" day i didnt eat and drink anything at all, and the problem was that I just forgot it (its not because I had memory problems), I just didnt want to eat. Just before the "doom" day I had some crazy stuff around me, I dont know was it for really, but I predicted a lot of things, like I have connected to some higher powers, like I have unlocked some humanity secrets that (at that time I thought) illuminaties or smth had been hiding from us. I thought I had discovered immortality. And so in the evening just before the "boom" day I was @ my parents house, i dont know why, but i cried for an hours, I thought someone has to die or something. I cried like a baby for a long long time. My parents didnt know what to do with me! At that night I stayed @ my parents house with my girl and I couldnt sleep at all. I had had halucinations. I`ve had this idea, that great mind + weed +smth and smth (4 elements) =do everything you can imagine. Forgot to tell, a previous evening I was at my friends house, he had a bong hit and went to sleep for 2 hours...
And i smoked from the same bong, same weed..and after a hit I understood that I smoked the same mix, that was ment by me to give him to reveal my secret.. (unexplainable) and then suddenly voice appeared in my head and it asked me - do you want to die know. It was so powerful, I dont know why, but I believe until this day, that if I answered - yes, i would really die at that moment. But I said NO, and it felt like a key got in to me and unlocked me in to 4 parts and lots of voices said that I have to put together myself now or I will die, it felt like a had a small time for it.. Felt like i was a firework on fire and I have to do smth fast...really sick! I got on the ground, I kissed the floor and said thanks that you gave me one more chance. I was - 20 degrees (celsius) outside and i was so scared that I ran out to clear my mind of what just happened. My friend had a dog outside, it knew me from the birth and that night i attacked me for the first time (i didnt act crazy, just went out for freash air). It scared me, so I went in. SO...back to the time before "boom" day...@ parents house I didnt sleep at all, I woke up, my mom got to work and I felt like i am 99% slower than I was ussualy, I thought I was like a ****** or something. Whan I had breakfast with my dad and girl, dad asked if I want to go visit astrologer - she was a friend of our family..
I said that ok, probably i really need it, but my dad considered that she wont help at all and that I need real doctor help and then we drove to mental hospital. At that moments I really didnt realize it. All I was thing about is was not to get on the police - I dont know why. I walked in to that mental hospitals, then I thought that I am there because my grandma is dying. I cried a lot...the doctors gave me "******" "crazy guy" costume.. And even then I didnt realize that I am in mental hospital. My dad was angry, he told them that I am crazy because of weed. But 8 doctors told them that I am crazy, probably because when I was inside, i told them, that i didnt smoke weed. And actually at that month I smoked like 99% less than ussualy. I thought I have to lie about my weed smoking..
So they put me behing metal doors and locked them. I was there for 4 days and I thought it was just one day..After that time, they analised my urine and put me into narcoticks department and cleaned me with system for 14 days.

Then I got home.. it was crazy, for 30 days I had unexplainable (sorry) **** going on with me.. I thought everything is just a movie.. When doctros asked me, what is the date today, I knew only a month..
Doctors said to my parents that I could not get back, I could stay ill as schizophrenic and something else..

Now I understand that before all this I really wanted to quit weed and not to get back to it.. but it is impossible if something like this wouldnt happen. Now I am scared and havent smoked anything. Just had some 10 beers in 6-7 months. If I will remember anything else, I will write.
I hope nobody will ever feel what I had gone trough, I was more than a nightmare! And now every day I see potheads all around me and I see that they are stuck in a cage...they dont see a way out.. I wish I could help them, but I now, i realised that everyone needs to understand it buy themselves!
Feel free to ask any questions, thanks for your attention and I am sorry again about my english

Good luck to You