smac2166

In April I was hospitalized over night after a 5 day bender. My kids had to take me and it was horrible. I managed to stay sober for 4 weeks with once a week therapy. But I hated the therapy because they just kept pushing AA. so i quit therapy and started drinking but I was totally gonna be in control. Nope.
Quit again 9/30/13 which means today is day 14. New therapist immediately got me started on Anabuse since I know I have to quit but still dont want to quit. K pins for anxiety headed to the psychologist soon for depression.
I cant seem to get off my couch. I am miserable.

soberhawk

Congrats on the 2 weeks, that is rather short time - it will get better.

Start slowly of the couch, plan 1 short walk tomorrow - or something else you know you will do and do that.

hayley86

Congratulations on 14 days. It does get easier. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Anna

Welcome!

I really hope that you decide you want to quit. It's very hard to stop drinking and recover and it takes a lot of motivation, so hopefully you will change your feelings about sobriety before too long.

Keep reading and posting.

Mentium

..but you say you don't want to quit? Why bother then?

You probably won't manage to until you really (really!) want to.

Hevyn

Smac, I hope you can leave it behind for good this time, even if you're quitting reluctantly. It sounds like a part of you is still clinging to the good feelings you once got from it. As you've proven, once it gets in your system there's no control. It's a danger to play with it. A better life is waiting for you - you don't need it.

smac2166

Im quitting because it is out control. I dont want to because it is all I had to look forward to most nights.

heath480

You have to want to stay sober if you are to succeed at it.

I hope you decide to stick at it,things will get worse if you pick up a drink again.

smac2166

Ok so apparently because I need but dont want it I should give up?

Hawkeye13

I can't speak for other people, but from my own experience I drank, drank more, alienated my family, and destroyed my health. When it moved into my work life and my job was threatened was when I really got a wake up call that even though I still wanted to drink (like you do) I was physically unable to drink normally and I had to make a choice to keep drinking and continue my rapidly increasing descent into maybe losing family, friends, home, health and ultimately life, or I had to make a decision that drinking was not an option for me and quit. That sounds like where you either are or are approaching. But only you can decide if you've had enough. I think that's the message others are trying to get across, and it was certainly true for me. I didn't do the AA thing either, but quitting on your own can be very hard and you have to be committed. There are plenty of other programs to look at on this site if you don't care for AA.

Sounds like your episode at the hospital which involved your children was pretty rough and might be a clear wake up call, and I can tell you my life is so much better since I stopped. My health is good, work is solid, and I've healed my relationships with my family. That was worth kicking the booze and the downward spiral. But it took me awhile to choose life over alcohol. Good luck.

jaynie04

I am newly sober too. I put myself into rehab. I am a 48 year old SAHM with an 8 year old daughter. I found a new therapist in June who specializes in addiction.

I looked at your first post, and the smiley guy you posted at the bottom, hitting his head against the wall. To me, that wall is alcohol. It boxes us in and barricades us from the world. Life feels hopeless, and we are miserable. And when we stop drinking we expect things to improve immediately.

But they don't, so we pick up the glass again, go further down into the bottle. And each time we build that wall up a little higher.

The wall is never too high to get over. But you have to throw your back into it, you have to want it. And you have to dig deep because as far as I know, we only get one ride. Right now, I am not white knuckling it, but if I was I would be sitting in the front row at meetings, I would take antabuse, I would do anything to climb over that wall.

Because that wall that we build, that bottle that gets in our way, we can"t go around it we have to go up and over it. Or else we will just keep bashing our heads against it as it gets higher and higher.

smac2166

That is exactly where I am. I feel like an insolent child pitching a fit "I dont wanna! I know AA is not for me and I am looking for other ways. Thanks

wakko

Not sure what you have against AA but you may wish to read the AA big book which is a weath of information on alcoholism and recovey

smac2166

I dont have anything against AA. I did read the first half of the Big Book. I dont believe in a higher power. Although AA, and the members I talked to, say that that is ok but its really not in agreement with AA teachings. Also while I am dealing with social anxiety as part of my problem, I am also (happily) an introvert and don't like dealing with groups of people.
If it works for you great. Also statistically, not a great long term success rate.