Br00ksie

I'm a really big fan of indie rock, but emotional guitar has always been a trigger for me. I would drink/smoke weed and wallow in my feelings in the midst of guitar.

"That time of the month" is always the most emotional for me. Usually a week before and during is when I drank and smoked the most.

I am newly sober and am coming up on "that time." I already feel the emotional triggers happening, because I have been listening to more emo music. (been playing Typhoon "The Lake" on repeat!)

I love sobriety, but have found myself thinking about picking up more today than I have since I first quit drinking almost a month ago.

I'm going to a meeting in an hour, but I hate that I'm kind of obsessing. It is the afternoon right now, and evenings are the hardest, as that was prime time drinking/wallowing for me.

Just looking for any support/advice from anyone who can relate.

hypochondriac

We all love a good wallow now and then. Maybe this time though you could give the emo a rest and listen to something more upbeat and totally different to what you usually listen to. Music was a big trigger for me too. I still struggle listening to the cure. I went back to listening to more punk rock and stuff I listened to as a kid, like public enemy. It totally changed my outlook x

doggonecarl

There nothing wrong with wallowing sober, if that's what you want to do. Part of being sober is learning to have or deal with our emotions without alcohol.

So learn to be emotional without drinking. Or perhaps you'll discover what I did--that my wallowing in sadness was directly related to drinking. Now that I'm sober, I don't find myself there anymore.

Chances are, you won't either.

PoppiesInJuly

I can 100 percent relate. That "time of the month" has always been a trigger for me too. I have also been known to wallow while listening to music. (the music hasn't been too much of an issue for me in a while as I've been trying to listen to more upbeat stuff in recent years) can't tell you how many drunken times I'd put my Otis Redding cd on repeat, lol..Oh, I could most definitely wallow to the Cure too. You're doing the right thing by coming here and heading to a meeting tonight. I would maybe avoid the music that sets you off for a while. Listen to some cheesy top 40 and dance around the house instead. I have to admit to listening to some of that stuff when I run because it's pretty motivating.

Notmyrealname

Have you found things to fill your evenings yet? (going to meeting, I guess huh?)

Definitely a good idea to stay active with something fun, fill that time with something you enjoy, keeps you out of trouble

advbike

Music is a BIG trigger for me and I have relapsed many times when listening to certain music (from the 80's and 90's especially) that brings back too many memories - either painful or even good ones. Stirs up the emotions and reminds me of all that I have lost in my life, much due to alcohol. For this reason I have to avoid certain music in early recovery and stay in the present moment. It's just the way it is. For me sobriety is the most important thing right now - I can worry about the music later.

Renarde

Turn that music off! I don't listen to sad music anymore, ever. It's amazing how happy music can turn your mood around. Definitely get some exercise too and get those endorphins going. Get lots of sleep and drink water. Stick around SR!

james872

Sounds like you're doing great. Some parts are going to be challenging for a while. But from what I gather from your message, you're doing great.

Keep it up! Before you know it nothing triggers you anymore and you can make music all you want.

This triggered the musician in me. I know music. In and out, through and through. I make music, I listen to it and it is my number 1 passion.

There is nothing that can beat a clean consciousness when it comes to music. I've been under the influence and music can seem soooo pretty when you're high for example.

It's never real though. Only a clean consciousness can appreciate and produce real music. The type of music that hits any sober person right where it counts.

Any type of drugs can create the illusion of perfection, while it really is a downer. Something you experienced in some sort of haze.

Human consciousness, clean and sober is perfect. Any type of drug will dampen it and make it seem great.

From one musician to another, take a moment when you're sober and open up your senses. Amp up your ears. Make the world look brighter. Make the way things feel on your skin sensual. Smell and at least enjoy the wonder of being able to smell.

Tune up all your senses. That is what music is all about. Think about it. Ever been sober and got ecstatic from a song? That's the same type of stuff.

Drugs never help, they only dampen and give an illusion of something being wonderful.

Real music and sobriety go hand in hand.

zombiebbq

When I was younger I definitely loved my emo music...but now if I'm sad I try to put on the happiest and most upbeat songs I like. I like a little bit of everything so for me that might be throwing on some bubblegum pop from the late 90s to get me dancing, laughing, and remembering being little. Or maybe a cheesy 80s song that is so lame it makes you forget about being sad and gets you to smile! Or something completely experimental or weird that you're too busy scratching your head and saying HUH? to wallow in sadness...

sugarbear1

over the counter drugs do work when sober

it's not as bad when sober, either.

you'll get through it sober!!!!

Br00ksie

So I met with my sponsor, went to the meeting, saw a few people I knew, made SOBER plans for the weekend with them, and now I'm at home playing Jay-Z's new album. The more upbeat music and events of the evening has really turned my mood around!

Regarding feeling music in sobriety, that is definitely something I want to work on, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I LOVE live music, but have never been to a concert sober. Ever. It is definitely a goal once I get some sobriety under my belt! I look forward to the day when the "false happiness" I felt at concerts brought in by drugs and alcohol will be replaced with real, meaningful enjoyment of the music!!!

Thanks for all of your input/support! It was really helpful!

Imabuleva

Can't help you there, Brooksie. Being an idiot male, I've never had a time of the month.

Though some of my male coworkers definitely make me wonder if they have some sort of weird male cycle going on...

Br00ksie

Haaa!

doggonecarl

Same here. Concerts were drunk fests for me. When I quit I was cautious about attending any shows until I felt strong enough to go without the temptation to drink.

Took two and half years.

Not saying you have to take that long. But go when you are sure you can handle it. I recall one newcomer, newly sober, who HAD to see her favorite band. She said it was a once in a lifetime chance. I and several others warned her, asked her to put her sobriety ahead of a concert and the risk or relapse. She went, assuring all of us that she'd be fine and would check back.

I never saw another post from her. Did she drink? I have no way of knowing, but I suspect she did and continues to drink.

One of the things I discovered in the 2.5 years I didn't go to concerts was, I didn't love live music as much as I thought I did. What I loved was getting drunk. The concert was merely the context, the excuse. Drinking was a way to overlook the rude crowds, the other drunks, the smoking, the spilt beer.

Nuudawn

Good stuff. Our thoughts dictate our emotions. Feeling feelings in sobriety is one thing..but to "wallow" is another. I'm not sure I understand the point of throwing on some tunes to specifically dwell in moments outside of your present moment. Reminiscing indicates brief, fluid reflection with a smile. Wallowing, to me, sounds an awful lot like stuck in self pity (one of my biggest triggers). I would avoid it.

Ya...not a fan of the 'wallow"for any reason.