Stilltrecking

As many of you know i used soboxone at .25mg every other day for a month to get off of oxycodone. I am a chronic pain patient, but abused my meds for the feeling... At the end of the month i stayed true to my word and went completely clean. I am now 24 days completely clean and feeling so much better! Well the other day (four days ago) i took 10mgs of hydrocodone for extreme pain. It was effective, no high, a bit nauseous, slept fine. The next day, no pain, but i noticed myself starting to think "you didn't even get a buzz and used a drug last night, if your going to use you may as well get high, take some tonight so at least if your starting over you will have gotten the real deal." This i identified as extremely unrational and malicious thinking. I took the 10 mgs (about 1/6 of what i would take at a recreational dose) for legitimate pain, but the aftermath of that one use resparked such alarming thinking that i flushed the rest of the vicodin down the toilet. I kind of realized even if i can use the vicodin for legitimate uses once, the resulting days after are plagued by my old addictive thinking. I am not considering myself starting from 0, but i am becoming shockingly aware that if i want to remain clean I really have to find alternative means of treating serious pain. I have thanked god for getting me through these four days and giving me the strength to flush the vicodin and be honest with myself. Because it was like one little taste (no matter how legitimate the intention was) had me thinking crazy thoughts. Thanks guys i am feeling amazing at 24 days clean though. I will check in every week with updates

cleaninLI

Stilltrecking, congratulations on your 28 days! That was awesome that you realized your addictive voice was chattering to you and flushed those Vic's! It is so true how clever that voice can be and will play some pretty bad tricks on you! You recognized it for what it was and took the nessesary action! Have you thought of some other ways to treat the pain?
Below is a link to our pain management forum. The stickies at the top of the page have some useful information regarding alternative types of pain management.

Recovery and Pain Management - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

mkintexas

I think this is a quandary many CPP's face.

I wonder. Would hypnosis help reprogram the mind to be able to take hydrocodone for pain but NOT wake up the dragon? It may be worth investigating.

Also maybe talk to your doctor about tramadol. It might give you enough pain control, but the feeling / effect be different enough that the dragon stays asleep?

Just a couple of thoughts.