Multiple Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 68
Multiple Relapse
I had 3 years, then 5, then struggled for 2 years to get 2 years sober again.
I celebrated 2 years in September and then relapsed a week later. I've relapsed each weekend since. 3 weekends in a row.
After last time, I got my neighbor to be my sponsor, i went to meetings all week. I exercised, was productive. All was well till Thurs night. I started having funny feelings as I was leaving coffee shop late at night.
(It only comes on me late at night, usually Thurs/Fri/Sat)
I made it through Thurs night. Hit a meeting Friday. Fri night felt funny again but made it through.
Sat I watched football all day, went to coffee late Sat night with some friends. On way home it hit me hard. I rode by a bar decided to go in. Next thing you know I'm getting drugs. Same pattern.
I'm worried now. I'm one of those types that can get time and then just, boom, I'm gone. I envy you guys for whom it comes easy. It did for me first time around but not now.
I text my sponsor what happened. I'm home now recovering. I've blown off several responsibilities. All I can do now is try and recover and try and try to add some way of calling someone when i feel funny. Late at night, when it happens.
I'm just frustrated and sad and afraid. Has so much time, and no struggling again to keep a week. I appreciate ya'lls experience and support. Especially any chronic/repeat relapsers who have had similar experience.
Thx
I celebrated 2 years in September and then relapsed a week later. I've relapsed each weekend since. 3 weekends in a row.
After last time, I got my neighbor to be my sponsor, i went to meetings all week. I exercised, was productive. All was well till Thurs night. I started having funny feelings as I was leaving coffee shop late at night.
(It only comes on me late at night, usually Thurs/Fri/Sat)
I made it through Thurs night. Hit a meeting Friday. Fri night felt funny again but made it through.
Sat I watched football all day, went to coffee late Sat night with some friends. On way home it hit me hard. I rode by a bar decided to go in. Next thing you know I'm getting drugs. Same pattern.
I'm worried now. I'm one of those types that can get time and then just, boom, I'm gone. I envy you guys for whom it comes easy. It did for me first time around but not now.
I text my sponsor what happened. I'm home now recovering. I've blown off several responsibilities. All I can do now is try and recover and try and try to add some way of calling someone when i feel funny. Late at night, when it happens.
I'm just frustrated and sad and afraid. Has so much time, and no struggling again to keep a week. I appreciate ya'lls experience and support. Especially any chronic/repeat relapsers who have had similar experience.
Thx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
I'm so sorry, Chris. The important thing is you are here now.
You know what's going wrong, how can you make it right? What are some things you can do during those trigger times on Thurs/Fri/Sat?
During my worst times I would hunker down in bed with hot tea and stay glued to SR. That's still what I do every night when I get in bed. It makes me feel connected and I get strength from everyone.
I'd love to see you released from this pain.
It's trite but it's true when they say you have to want to be sober more than anything.
I couldn't handle the level of disgust I felt looking at my lifestyle and what I was doing to myself. I still get completely grossed out when I think of what I was doing for 'fun' or 'escape' when what it really was was me refusing to handle my life and handing over the reins to poison. I was poisoning myself daily to not have to deal with anything, while everything progressively got worse from the poison intake, withdrawals, bad behavior and absence of really being present in my own life.
Gross.
Stick around here and let's figure this out. You're bigger and stronger than these substances.
And most importantly, you deserve it.
You know what's going wrong, how can you make it right? What are some things you can do during those trigger times on Thurs/Fri/Sat?
During my worst times I would hunker down in bed with hot tea and stay glued to SR. That's still what I do every night when I get in bed. It makes me feel connected and I get strength from everyone.
I'd love to see you released from this pain.
It's trite but it's true when they say you have to want to be sober more than anything.
I couldn't handle the level of disgust I felt looking at my lifestyle and what I was doing to myself. I still get completely grossed out when I think of what I was doing for 'fun' or 'escape' when what it really was was me refusing to handle my life and handing over the reins to poison. I was poisoning myself daily to not have to deal with anything, while everything progressively got worse from the poison intake, withdrawals, bad behavior and absence of really being present in my own life.
Gross.
Stick around here and let's figure this out. You're bigger and stronger than these substances.
And most importantly, you deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 186
We all have made mistakes and we can always step up to the plate again. What has helped me is making a promise to myself that I am never going to drink again. And then that is my first thing I tell myself when I have a craving: "I am not going to drink.". I have had urges and cravings, but I am going to have a knee-jerk reaction to any unhealthy thoughts immediately: "I do not drink." It takes practice and I am nowhere near having a time length of sobriety that is acceptable to me, but every day is new. The urges to drink are not you: they are your addiction, and you can separate yourself from them and instead focus on the positive thoughts you have about staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 107
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. Do you see a pattern in these relapses? I've never had as much sober time as you, but I assume it can't be so different from drinking after a year spent sober. Did something happen in your life recently? Is it related to the two year mark?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi.....I was reading your share and the
words that stood out for me were ...
"I envy you guys for whom it comes easy."
I'm Sharon and I'm an alcoholic living a
recovery life for the past 23yrs. That's a
many one day at a time sober added together
to get me where I am today.
I have to say for myself, it was not easy
to stay sober. First, I was angry to have
my family intervene on me when they saw
I was in trouble with drinking and I didn't.
Over the yrs. I changed my feelings of hatred,
anger, resentments towards them to being
very grateful to them for helping me save my
life. It was them doing for me, getting me
help I so desperately needed at that time
in my life when I couldn't or didn't want to
myself.
Anyway.....no, it hasn't been very easy for
me, but I learned about willingness, keeping
an open mind to what a recovery program
could and would offer me in the long run.
I listened. I learned. I absorbed. And I
applied what was taught, what was spoken
by others by them sharing their own ESH-
experiences, strengths and hopes of what
life was like before, during and after their
drinking careers.
I was taught about what addiction was and
how it affected my mind, body and soul. How
it affected me and others around me. I then
took those valuable tools and that knowledge
and began applying them to my everyday
life day after day after day.
I worked and lived a program of recovery
at my own pace and continue to do so today.
There is no race, just progress to be a better,
happier, honest person I can possibly be today.
I remain sober by not drinking and use a
program of recovery to help live life on lifes
terms.
As time goes on I realize life in recovery is
far more acceptable than life as a drunk.
words that stood out for me were ...
"I envy you guys for whom it comes easy."
I'm Sharon and I'm an alcoholic living a
recovery life for the past 23yrs. That's a
many one day at a time sober added together
to get me where I am today.
I have to say for myself, it was not easy
to stay sober. First, I was angry to have
my family intervene on me when they saw
I was in trouble with drinking and I didn't.
Over the yrs. I changed my feelings of hatred,
anger, resentments towards them to being
very grateful to them for helping me save my
life. It was them doing for me, getting me
help I so desperately needed at that time
in my life when I couldn't or didn't want to
myself.
Anyway.....no, it hasn't been very easy for
me, but I learned about willingness, keeping
an open mind to what a recovery program
could and would offer me in the long run.
I listened. I learned. I absorbed. And I
applied what was taught, what was spoken
by others by them sharing their own ESH-
experiences, strengths and hopes of what
life was like before, during and after their
drinking careers.
I was taught about what addiction was and
how it affected my mind, body and soul. How
it affected me and others around me. I then
took those valuable tools and that knowledge
and began applying them to my everyday
life day after day after day.
I worked and lived a program of recovery
at my own pace and continue to do so today.
There is no race, just progress to be a better,
happier, honest person I can possibly be today.
I remain sober by not drinking and use a
program of recovery to help live life on lifes
terms.
As time goes on I realize life in recovery is
far more acceptable than life as a drunk.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I drank or drugged for nearly 30 years...now I've been in recovery for the best part of 7.
it's not impossible - but it doesn't just happen either - it takes commitment, diligence and hard work.
The real me is this guy - no highs, no net. The drunk me was the affectation - a long running role, but still a role.
Believe that of yourself Chris
D
it's not impossible - but it doesn't just happen either - it takes commitment, diligence and hard work.
The real me is this guy - no highs, no net. The drunk me was the affectation - a long running role, but still a role.
Believe that of yourself Chris
D
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