Kimmieh

But at least I am aware of it now.

Four weeks ago RAXBF and I split for good after a long separation. We are on very good terms, he went to detox, and is now in an outpatient rehab, goes to meetings, etc. Working and feeling good. Good for him!

So after I ranted and raved about his drinking for years on here, let me introduce myself. My name is Kimmieh and I am a raging co-dependent. I reconnected with someone whom I met a long time ago. We have been chatting and talking on the phone. Of course I know that I need to step away from this whole dating thing for a while (just having ended the relationship with RAXBF), but the compulsion was greater. And yay, he doesn't drink! Wooo-hoooo! Total winner eh? No, not really. I don't know what sort of personality disorder is at play here (and I haven't got the energy nor time to research this, which in the past I would have done obsessively for hours). You see, not only do I know EVERYTHING about alcoholism because of the most recent ex, I am also an expert in all things schizophrenia, bipolar (with and without psychosis), sociopathy, and narcissism. I pick them well, don't I?

All is fun and sweet with this most recent guy until he makes offensive remarks. Out of the blue. Becomes increasingly inconsistent. And when I lose patience and blow up at him (I take it right back of course, good codie that I am - after all he is so STRESSED with a school project the poor boy), he stops talking to me. For days. What? Proceeds to post manipulative crap on a forum we both frequent and directly pokes at my insecurities. Yes, he is way past age 13....

Codie me texts and asks for a conversation. Nothing. Only when I accuse him of manipulation, he responds, only to deny that he is manipulating and to manipulate me further ("I find your behavior repellent." Oh yeah? Well aren't you just so thrilled that I gave you an excuse to be an abusive viscious jerk? Consider it a one-time donation). There is more, but I will spare you.

The good news is that I now see it for what it is. I don't run for Google to find the right diagnosis to put me into proper savior mode. I understand that he is being cruel and vindictive and that it's HIM, not anything I did. So I told him to kiss my fat a** and grow the eff up.

Damn, RAXBF was a jerk when he was drunk, but this sort of cruelty and manipulation and mind gaming is new to me. I am positively astounded. What a blessing to reconnect with this guy AFTER I learned so much here. I cannot imagine the heartache and hurt and especially my disastrous attempts at making this work had this happened five years ago or more. I have told friends about this (no more hiding things like this), I have reminded myself that I am the catch here and that he just wants to latch onto someone who can help him out of the life rut he is in. I came in handy. I am not beating myself up for getting into this in the first place. I suppose I am in recovery...and single.

Kimmieh

And among many other reasons, I posted this here because I know the sob story ("I was so stressed and depressed") will follow and I will have to come back to remind me of how I feel now.

SparkleKitty

It sounds to me like when you knew better, you did better. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but it is a big step in a good direction.

I am sorry he turned out to be jerk. But I am glad you are turning out to be better equipped to take care of yourself than ever before. (((hugs))))

(ps, just for laughs, my iPad autocorrected "hugs" to "hogs" up there before I caught it)

Kimmieh

Thanks, Kitty! I was going to spend a week with him over New Year's, but now I am looking into flights to a Caribbean island I have always wanted to visit. No need to cry over someone who disrespects me like this when I can greet 2014 in a flowery dress on a tropical beach. Maybe they have hogs!?

It's one of my new strategies as well. If something is disappointing or falls through, I do something good for myself. That can be a latte instead of a regular coffee or a haircut or a trip to a cool place (like Friday when he started this bs) or, apparently, Christmas on an island.

But it breaks my heart that it's so easy to be lured in by cruel and selfish people to the point where being disrespected feels normal. He had me fooled and looking back, I put up with way more emotional abuse from him than I care to admit.