Day 1, and new here. Need love and support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 68
Day 1, and new here. Need love and support
Hi guys!
My name is Chris. I'm not new to recovery, but I am new here. And i am a newcomer again. I had 2 years this time and I relapsed…again, couple days ago.
I've had 3 years, 5 years, and this time 2 years. Though this time it was so much harder to get the 2 years than before. I relapsed about every 3 months for close to 2 years before finally getting 2 years.
I've been doing AA for all of these years, but its not working for me. Its almost difficult to say that, but its honestly just not. I have to find another way.
Part of the problem I'm dealing with is what I believe is an Attachment Disorder. I won't get into the boo hoo story, cause honestly I'm not that attached to it, but the facts are that my mother had issues, didn't bond w/me properly (to say the least) and then was killed. And I've never been able to really establish and maintain personal relationships as a result. Its only in the past 6 months that I've finally figured out what was going on (though a lot of research online).
The Attachment Disorder causes me to be sort of stand offish. It causes me anxiety in groups. Makes me just sort of want to be left alone. Now, this is far beyond what I've heard for years in AA as "wanting to isolate". I've been caught up for years in the AA thinking that "you just think your unique" or "thats just your disease wanting you to feel apart from". Maybe that is also at work, but I know for sure I'm suffering from something completely different that really inhibits my ability to establish relationships or let them be established, or even WANT them to be established. I deal w/anxiety in that regard. But I don't have health insurance so I can't get help for that just yet.
In the mean time, I've relapsed. And as a result of what I'm describing, I've never felt loved and supported in AA. My own fault. Not for them being willing I'm sure, but I just can't seem to get it there. So I'm here. I'm a writer/actor here in LA. I love to write. And you've probably seen me on Tv. I look like and seem like the most normal guy. But secretly I struggle and I just need some love and support.
I want to stay sober. When I drink it takes me straight to drugs and is very self destructive. And I want to make the most of my life and even help others. But right now, I can't handle going back to AA. I need help and I am willing to do what it takes to stay sober, but i just need some folks I feel safe with and can share honestly with about my difficulties, and just to love me through this help me to get some help.
I'm going to check out some dual diagnosis meetings this week. And I'm here with you guys. So I'm trying to just put another system in place to help me feel the love and support I feel like i need right now and that I don't feel I can get from AA. Especially after a relapse when I've had time. Just such a terrible feeling.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the ramble but thats what's going on with me today. I really appreciate the unconditional love and support I might get here. And I hope that I can hang around and offer some to others. Thank you guys.
Chris
My name is Chris. I'm not new to recovery, but I am new here. And i am a newcomer again. I had 2 years this time and I relapsed…again, couple days ago.
I've had 3 years, 5 years, and this time 2 years. Though this time it was so much harder to get the 2 years than before. I relapsed about every 3 months for close to 2 years before finally getting 2 years.
I've been doing AA for all of these years, but its not working for me. Its almost difficult to say that, but its honestly just not. I have to find another way.
Part of the problem I'm dealing with is what I believe is an Attachment Disorder. I won't get into the boo hoo story, cause honestly I'm not that attached to it, but the facts are that my mother had issues, didn't bond w/me properly (to say the least) and then was killed. And I've never been able to really establish and maintain personal relationships as a result. Its only in the past 6 months that I've finally figured out what was going on (though a lot of research online).
The Attachment Disorder causes me to be sort of stand offish. It causes me anxiety in groups. Makes me just sort of want to be left alone. Now, this is far beyond what I've heard for years in AA as "wanting to isolate". I've been caught up for years in the AA thinking that "you just think your unique" or "thats just your disease wanting you to feel apart from". Maybe that is also at work, but I know for sure I'm suffering from something completely different that really inhibits my ability to establish relationships or let them be established, or even WANT them to be established. I deal w/anxiety in that regard. But I don't have health insurance so I can't get help for that just yet.
In the mean time, I've relapsed. And as a result of what I'm describing, I've never felt loved and supported in AA. My own fault. Not for them being willing I'm sure, but I just can't seem to get it there. So I'm here. I'm a writer/actor here in LA. I love to write. And you've probably seen me on Tv. I look like and seem like the most normal guy. But secretly I struggle and I just need some love and support.
I want to stay sober. When I drink it takes me straight to drugs and is very self destructive. And I want to make the most of my life and even help others. But right now, I can't handle going back to AA. I need help and I am willing to do what it takes to stay sober, but i just need some folks I feel safe with and can share honestly with about my difficulties, and just to love me through this help me to get some help.
I'm going to check out some dual diagnosis meetings this week. And I'm here with you guys. So I'm trying to just put another system in place to help me feel the love and support I feel like i need right now and that I don't feel I can get from AA. Especially after a relapse when I've had time. Just such a terrible feeling.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the ramble but thats what's going on with me today. I really appreciate the unconditional love and support I might get here. And I hope that I can hang around and offer some to others. Thank you guys.
Chris
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Chris 
I know you'll find a lot of support here.
I'm glad you're looking at dealing with your other issues too - when it comes down to it, whatever the problem, alcohol is never a solution.
D
I know you'll find a lot of support here.
I'm glad you're looking at dealing with your other issues too - when it comes down to it, whatever the problem, alcohol is never a solution.
D
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,168
Hey Chris, you have come to the right site for love and support, there is plenty of that here. There are folk here from all over the world with also sorts of disfunctional histories, some more so than others. There are many different threads running, from monthly classes for newbies ( I am class of March 2013- just made 6 months!) to fitness or word game threads. I hope you find the support to move forward with your sobriety, I am also in the 1 year and under thread so pop in there if you like! See you around
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 228
Hi Chris. 3, 5, and 2, years sober....applaud yourself and take a bow! I'm on day 21 and I've NEVER made it this far. I give a huge amount of credit to SR...this seems to be a good fit for me. I have social anxiety disorder so going to any sort of group meetings was out. Please post more often...it helps all of us. Glad you're here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 68
wow, thats awesome. cool to hear im not alone in the anxiety thing. its such a strange thing. im just figuring that part out here not long ago and not yet able to get help for that. but i feel like if i can just find a place like this where i can share honestly about my struggles w/that stuff it will help a lot. i feel like if i can love and be loved a little then that will go a long way. and good or bad, its just so much easier for me to love and be loved through something like this than in person. thx again for your share. and to all of you for the warm welcomes. i need to find a way to stay close to you guys right now and receive your love. thx guys. Chris
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by actorchris 
Hi guys!
My name is Chris. I'm not new to recovery, but I am new here. And i am a newcomer again. I had 2 years this time and I relapsed…again, couple days ago.
I've had 3 years, 5 years, and this time 2 years. Though this time it was so much harder to get the 2 years than before. I relapsed about every 3 months for close to 2 years before finally getting 2 years.
I've been doing AA for all of these years, but its not working for me. Its almost difficult to say that, but its honestly just not. I have to find another way.
Part of the problem I'm dealing with is what I believe is an Attachment Disorder. I won't get into the boo hoo story, cause honestly I'm not that attached to it, but the facts are that my mother had issues, didn't bond w/me properly (to say the least) and then was killed. And I've never been able to really establish and maintain personal relationships as a result. Its only in the past 6 months that I've finally figured out what was going on (though a lot of research online).
The Attachment Disorder causes me to be sort of stand offish. It causes me anxiety in groups. Makes me just sort of want to be left alone. Now, this is far beyond what I've heard for years in AA as "wanting to isolate". I've been caught up for years in the AA thinking that "you just think your unique" or "thats just your disease wanting you to feel apart from". Maybe that is also at work, but I know for sure I'm suffering from something completely different that really inhibits my ability to establish relationships or let them be established, or even WANT them to be established. I deal w/anxiety in that regard. But I don't have health insurance so I can't get help for that just yet.
In the mean time, I've relapsed. And as a result of what I'm describing, I've never felt loved and supported in AA. My own fault. Not for them being willing I'm sure, but I just can't seem to get it there. So I'm here. I'm a writer/actor here in LA. I love to write. And you've probably seen me on Tv. I look like and seem like the most normal guy. But secretly I struggle and I just need some love and support.
I want to stay sober. When I drink it takes me straight to drugs and is very self destructive. And I want to make the most of my life and even help others. But right now, I can't handle going back to AA. I need help and I am willing to do what it takes to stay sober, but i just need some folks I feel safe with and can share honestly with about my difficulties, and just to love me through this help me to get some help.
I'm going to check out some dual diagnosis meetings this week. And I'm here with you guys. So I'm trying to just put another system in place to help me feel the love and support I feel like i need right now and that I don't feel I can get from AA. Especially after a relapse when I've had time. Just such a terrible feeling.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the ramble but thats what's going on with me today. I really appreciate the unconditional love and support I might get here. And I hope that I can hang around and offer some to others. Thank you guys.
Chris
My name is Chris. I'm not new to recovery, but I am new here. And i am a newcomer again. I had 2 years this time and I relapsed…again, couple days ago.
I've had 3 years, 5 years, and this time 2 years. Though this time it was so much harder to get the 2 years than before. I relapsed about every 3 months for close to 2 years before finally getting 2 years.
I've been doing AA for all of these years, but its not working for me. Its almost difficult to say that, but its honestly just not. I have to find another way.
Part of the problem I'm dealing with is what I believe is an Attachment Disorder. I won't get into the boo hoo story, cause honestly I'm not that attached to it, but the facts are that my mother had issues, didn't bond w/me properly (to say the least) and then was killed. And I've never been able to really establish and maintain personal relationships as a result. Its only in the past 6 months that I've finally figured out what was going on (though a lot of research online).
The Attachment Disorder causes me to be sort of stand offish. It causes me anxiety in groups. Makes me just sort of want to be left alone. Now, this is far beyond what I've heard for years in AA as "wanting to isolate". I've been caught up for years in the AA thinking that "you just think your unique" or "thats just your disease wanting you to feel apart from". Maybe that is also at work, but I know for sure I'm suffering from something completely different that really inhibits my ability to establish relationships or let them be established, or even WANT them to be established. I deal w/anxiety in that regard. But I don't have health insurance so I can't get help for that just yet.
In the mean time, I've relapsed. And as a result of what I'm describing, I've never felt loved and supported in AA. My own fault. Not for them being willing I'm sure, but I just can't seem to get it there. So I'm here. I'm a writer/actor here in LA. I love to write. And you've probably seen me on Tv. I look like and seem like the most normal guy. But secretly I struggle and I just need some love and support.
I want to stay sober. When I drink it takes me straight to drugs and is very self destructive. And I want to make the most of my life and even help others. But right now, I can't handle going back to AA. I need help and I am willing to do what it takes to stay sober, but i just need some folks I feel safe with and can share honestly with about my difficulties, and just to love me through this help me to get some help.
I'm going to check out some dual diagnosis meetings this week. And I'm here with you guys. So I'm trying to just put another system in place to help me feel the love and support I feel like i need right now and that I don't feel I can get from AA. Especially after a relapse when I've had time. Just such a terrible feeling.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the ramble but thats what's going on with me today. I really appreciate the unconditional love and support I might get here. And I hope that I can hang around and offer some to others. Thank you guys.
Chris
We all have a back story and personality traits. Some of us have serious behavioural problems, while others show no psychological symptoms at all.
What we do have in common, is a desire to stop drinking. Some people on here have relapsed many times and I personally do not see this as a sign of weakness because, for period of time, you were free from alcohol.
Anyone that comes on here and says that they can stop drinking easily and stay stopped permanently is setting themselves up for a fall.
Every day you dont take a drink is a day of victory. If you fall and you will, then no matter, simply stop and try again.
The posters, moderators and admin on here are very helpful and not judgemental. Feel free to PM (Private Message) anytime you want.
I have alcohol free for 8 days, I cannot go to AA for my own reasons. I have successfully managed to hide my drinking from those around me and now I have stopped, I would prefer not to trouble them. I have too much to lose.
If I lost what I have, then I would drink myself into oblivion and I simply do not choose to do that.
My strength for not drinking anymore, is based around self preservation. Whatever your reasons for not drinking, they must be stronger than your desire to drink or the battle is a hard hand to hand combat with the demon drink.
She is very persuasive and very manipulative.
Welcome here and you have a friend already.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Welcome again, Chris! I said hello in September as well. Many of us have anxiety issues. I do. I definitely used alcohol to chill after some very stressful times, and that was when my use escalated and affected my health adversely.
You have had some great success with sober time, so I think you can do this!
Ro-
You have had some great success with sober time, so I think you can do this!
Ro-
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Central California
Posts: 83
2 years....wow. Good job Chris, you should be proud of that, dust on and move on. You get a pass in my book! They call it "starting over" which is an AA term I don't believe. Why live and count each day (which sets one up for relapse, cuz your always a drink away) and just be FREE..........and forgive your self!
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