First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 4
First Post
Well I've been a member for quite some time now, but this happens to be my first time posting here. It's about time, but I really don't know where to start. I guess I'll start with a little about myself. I'm 30 years old and I've been struggling with drinking for the past 10 years, although, I took my first drink when I was sixteen. It just progressively got worse upon graduating high school.
I've definitely been your typical party animal since the age of 18--not only drinking, but experimenting with many other drugs as well. Alcohol and cocaine went hand in hand on many weekends when I was that age. While I gave up the use of cocaine and other hard drugs in my early 20s, I have continued to be a binge drinker. I've always been the type of drinker that starts drinking on a friday night, has up to 15-20 drinks, passes out drunk, wakes up drunk/hungover and drinks a little more to "even myself out". It's just that sometimes that little more turns into a day of drinking, and often this cycle can last up to 3-4 days. Because I don't drink everyday and I usually have healthy habits on those days (eating healthy, working out), I seem "normal" to most people I encounter. I've even managed to find a wonderful young woman and get married just 4 months ago. My drinking problem is very evident to her and others I am close with, however. I have disappointed her on many occasions since we first met 4 years ago, due to my alcohol consumption. We have been able to talk about it and I am very fortunate she has had so much patience with me. I've taken breaks of up to a month without drinking, had rare nights where I've been able to have a few drinks and no more, but sooner or later it goes back to a full out binge and I find myself letting her and others down.
The longest I've been able to go without drinking has been around 4 months. The day I decided to start up again was the day I convinced myself that I could have a few beers and stop (Yeah right!). That seems to be my problem each time I have relapsed; my mind tricks itself into believing that I can control my drinking. I rationalize about it, I think "yeah, I can do it THIS time". Then I find myself right back at square one.
I tried AA several years back, and I could never get comfortable in a meeting because I've always felt awkward in social settings. I even felt slightly nervous about posting in this forum, I've just been reading during bouts of anxiety after a drinking binge. I guess I would just appreciate all the advice I can get, and while this is my first post, I plan on not making it my last. I'm tired of letting myself down, and I'm tired of letting my wife and my family down. I would really like to hear of other recovery methods other than AA, that have helped others rise above their addictions.
I'll end this post with saying I'm very grateful for this site, it has already helped me through some pretty rough times.
I've definitely been your typical party animal since the age of 18--not only drinking, but experimenting with many other drugs as well. Alcohol and cocaine went hand in hand on many weekends when I was that age. While I gave up the use of cocaine and other hard drugs in my early 20s, I have continued to be a binge drinker. I've always been the type of drinker that starts drinking on a friday night, has up to 15-20 drinks, passes out drunk, wakes up drunk/hungover and drinks a little more to "even myself out". It's just that sometimes that little more turns into a day of drinking, and often this cycle can last up to 3-4 days. Because I don't drink everyday and I usually have healthy habits on those days (eating healthy, working out), I seem "normal" to most people I encounter. I've even managed to find a wonderful young woman and get married just 4 months ago. My drinking problem is very evident to her and others I am close with, however. I have disappointed her on many occasions since we first met 4 years ago, due to my alcohol consumption. We have been able to talk about it and I am very fortunate she has had so much patience with me. I've taken breaks of up to a month without drinking, had rare nights where I've been able to have a few drinks and no more, but sooner or later it goes back to a full out binge and I find myself letting her and others down.
The longest I've been able to go without drinking has been around 4 months. The day I decided to start up again was the day I convinced myself that I could have a few beers and stop (Yeah right!). That seems to be my problem each time I have relapsed; my mind tricks itself into believing that I can control my drinking. I rationalize about it, I think "yeah, I can do it THIS time". Then I find myself right back at square one.
I tried AA several years back, and I could never get comfortable in a meeting because I've always felt awkward in social settings. I even felt slightly nervous about posting in this forum, I've just been reading during bouts of anxiety after a drinking binge. I guess I would just appreciate all the advice I can get, and while this is my first post, I plan on not making it my last. I'm tired of letting myself down, and I'm tired of letting my wife and my family down. I would really like to hear of other recovery methods other than AA, that have helped others rise above their addictions.
I'll end this post with saying I'm very grateful for this site, it has already helped me through some pretty rough times.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome. Glad you decided to post.
My drinking got progressively worse, too. It usualy does if you're an alcoholic.
I binge drank like you, too. In fact it brought back memories of my drinking. The three and four day binges. I suffered horrible anxiety and fear after these episodes. I won't go into the gory details, but it was bad.
The thing that has worked for me is thinking of where that first drink will lead me. Straight into the abyss of an active alcoholic. I never have to worry about that if I don't take the first drink. And I've managed to do so for two years nine months now.
But, I'm always on my awares that alcohol isn't going away. I just realize I don't have to drink it any more.
Glad you posted and hope to here more from you. You can quit. Many of us here have.
Best to you.
My drinking got progressively worse, too. It usualy does if you're an alcoholic.
I binge drank like you, too. In fact it brought back memories of my drinking. The three and four day binges. I suffered horrible anxiety and fear after these episodes. I won't go into the gory details, but it was bad.
The thing that has worked for me is thinking of where that first drink will lead me. Straight into the abyss of an active alcoholic. I never have to worry about that if I don't take the first drink. And I've managed to do so for two years nine months now.
But, I'm always on my awares that alcohol isn't going away. I just realize I don't have to drink it any more.
Glad you posted and hope to here more from you. You can quit. Many of us here have.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hey you!
You don't have to be nervous here.
Welcome to our family.
I have over 18 months without a drink, 98% of that is due to SR.
I used to drink far too much.
Then in the depths of despair come here and read and post.
I felt less alone.
I finally started to 'get it' about 2 years ago.
By 'get it' I mean that if I did not drink as much as I did, I would not be filled with that hideous anxious shame and worry that my hangovers seemed to entail.
I probably kept drink small amounts for another 2 months.
Then I realised I wanted to stop it all together.
I never set a time scale for how long.
I just woke up every morning and said 'today I will not drink'.
If anything got that bad I would say 'I will not drink today but if things are still bad I can drink tomorrow'.
Nothing was ever that bad.
For me I had to learn to recognise addictive thoughts and that addictive voice that entices me to drink after a few days sober.
I had to understand that for me drinking was not a way to celebrate or a reward.
It mostly made me and people I loved miserable.
At first I had to occupy myself.
Now it is second nature to not drink.
My drinking can be summed up my this statement which I live and die by
'I have regretted drinking many times. I have never regretted drinking once'.
For me, nothing is more true than this.
I am glad you posted, I wish you well and I hope you have a long, happy, healthy marriage that is in no way tainted or blemished by drink.
xx
You don't have to be nervous here.
Welcome to our family.
I have over 18 months without a drink, 98% of that is due to SR.
I used to drink far too much.
Then in the depths of despair come here and read and post.
I felt less alone.
I finally started to 'get it' about 2 years ago.
By 'get it' I mean that if I did not drink as much as I did, I would not be filled with that hideous anxious shame and worry that my hangovers seemed to entail.
I probably kept drink small amounts for another 2 months.
Then I realised I wanted to stop it all together.
I never set a time scale for how long.
I just woke up every morning and said 'today I will not drink'.
If anything got that bad I would say 'I will not drink today but if things are still bad I can drink tomorrow'.
Nothing was ever that bad.
For me I had to learn to recognise addictive thoughts and that addictive voice that entices me to drink after a few days sober.
I had to understand that for me drinking was not a way to celebrate or a reward.
It mostly made me and people I loved miserable.
At first I had to occupy myself.
Now it is second nature to not drink.
My drinking can be summed up my this statement which I live and die by
'I have regretted drinking many times. I have never regretted drinking once'.
For me, nothing is more true than this.
I am glad you posted, I wish you well and I hope you have a long, happy, healthy marriage that is in no way tainted or blemished by drink.
xx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
to SR! Here are some of the more well known recovery programs and resources.http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 4
Thanks for the responses everyone, I appreciate the support! I wouldn't say that I have a solid plan down besides the plan to not pick up a drink again. I have two weeks sober so far, and I've been checking into lifering and I actually have thought about celebrate recovery at one of my local churches. I just know there are going to be days where my mind is going to try to rationalize my drinking, and I need to take advantage of this site and/or have a plan when that happens. It's as if I don't want to believe that I have a problem, but deep down I know that I can't control my alcohol consumption no matter how hard I try. Once I take that first drink, I'm in for a wild ride. Thanks again to those who posted, I really enjoy hearing from others and their experiences.
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