Beanie25

It has too. Drinking and knowing at the same time it's over.I can't move in any direction otherwise physically or emotionally...stuck in the most vicious of cycles that will not let me go. Torment is ongoing. I was like a robot, existed but wanted the end. Now more to the point I just want a beginning. Thanks if anyone is reading.

mytimeforchange

I am here. I am reading. I have been wherever you have/are! The feeling of "losing it all" is such a B*****. Start by talking and sharing everything you can. I have said things on here my mom would blush. Right now in our earlier recovery we hold out are hand. I grabbed yours. There are many who will. Just journal how you feel for now...it has done me wonders.....stay with us.

Beanie25

I lost me(didn't give myself a chance) and everything else that I had ever known. Have no idea how to make a life for me, cos that means being bothered enough to carry on for me.not pity, but my take.

ImperfectlyMe

Change your thinking leads to change your actions leads to CHANGED your life!

Welcome

mytimeforchange

Read my PM i sent you. Yours and my journey have only begun. If you are talking about our self inflicted troubles created by drink/drugging.....well guess what. there is a simple overlooked solution. We stop! We lean-up and in time we slowly heal. May sound to overly simplistic. Look for support like you are now. I will let one of the senior member's chime in. Thank you being here, you don't know this, but you are helping me too....

ScottFromWI

It can happen, and you hold the keys. Most of us have been there before, I can still vividly remember exactly how you feel right now. The torment will stop and the cycle will end - if you choose to let it. Today can be the beginning you so desparately want. It might be a visit to the doctor or a therapist. It might be an AA meeting. It might be spilling your guts here and asking for help. Or maybe a combination of all the above, or something not even mentioned.

The first step though is to put down the bottle. Are you ready?

Beanie25

My self is totally unknown..to feel is to admit what had happened. I have wanted to hide for so long. Self preservation has been my whole life. Take away drink, who will preserve me then..if you know what I mean.

ScottFromWI

I know exactly what you mean. What will preserve you is the "you" that was hidden under all that alcohol. When we drink we are not ourselves. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. I'd love to meet the real you - wouldn't you too?

Beanie25

Scott, what you said hit a nerve, well maybe an artery. How will I do life and have the need to think I am worth the effort. I lived 20 yrs to reverse history and stop the cycle for my kids. Now it comes down to just me, the effort of living for myself that seems impossible.

mytimeforchange

Lost family of 15 years and small children. I live alone know for the VERY first time. But you know what, i can reverse it and so can YOU! I know if I work hard, dad can come back home....so can mom.....by best to you!

ScottFromWI

You at least owe it to yourself to find out, don't you think? The past is done, but the future is only limited by your choices. Choose to be sober and you never know where life might take you. Keep drinking and you know exactly where you will end up.

Beanie25

The sheer effort of living for me seems so hard and impossible

ScottFromWI

You are living and breathing right now, right? And drinking is hard too - the shame, the hangovers, the physical problems, they are hard. Getting sober will be hard initially, there's no question. But it does get easier and thigns do get better. I'd suggest you perhaps try and find some local support to help you get started. It can make all the difference in the world.

Beanie25

I am looking weak aren't I..but no I was too strong. Moved away from dysfunctional family to save us. I couldn't save myself though. I wanted to die..and couldn't understand why it wouldn't take me, even though I was a expert at it.