A little sunlight
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
A little sunlight
Yesterday sucked. The day before sucked. I was so good for 75 days, thinking everything was going to stay the same (not that they were all easy...).
And today, I went out to the state park behind my house and thought. Today doesn't feel any better. I'm sick, frustrated, tired, ineffectual, I feel foolish and like a pariah after some negativity over my lack of drinking at a neighborhood gathering last night. I'm sick of it all.
And somehow, I stood with those thoughts. Letting them be. Completely non-judgemental. It was that moment that I realized I don't have to hold onto these feelings. I don't need alcohol to send them away. I can choose to put them on a shelf in my mind and look at them later if I feel overwhelmed now. Nothing has changed - I didn't drink. I'm not comfortable in my skin, but I don't have to drink that away or dwell in it either. I can put some feelings aside - not push them down - just put them aside for a time when I'm more ready to deal with them, slowly and methodically. And for now, search out a little sunlight in my mind.
And today, I went out to the state park behind my house and thought. Today doesn't feel any better. I'm sick, frustrated, tired, ineffectual, I feel foolish and like a pariah after some negativity over my lack of drinking at a neighborhood gathering last night. I'm sick of it all.
And somehow, I stood with those thoughts. Letting them be. Completely non-judgemental. It was that moment that I realized I don't have to hold onto these feelings. I don't need alcohol to send them away. I can choose to put them on a shelf in my mind and look at them later if I feel overwhelmed now. Nothing has changed - I didn't drink. I'm not comfortable in my skin, but I don't have to drink that away or dwell in it either. I can put some feelings aside - not push them down - just put them aside for a time when I'm more ready to deal with them, slowly and methodically. And for now, search out a little sunlight in my mind.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,516
Yes,that's huge!
I felt like I was a victim of my emotions for years and years. It was amazing to finally understand that they were just feelings. They weren't 'me' and they didn't control me. Good for you!
I felt like I was a victim of my emotions for years and years. It was amazing to finally understand that they were just feelings. They weren't 'me' and they didn't control me. Good for you!
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