LeSigh

This is so obvious.. And I'm not meaning this in a sexy way, just been thinking this last week about ways to meet my own needs. Been trying to identify how inner feelings of low self worth translate into outer choices, and trying to choose better..

But I've just treated myself to a massage at a lovely hotel in my city.. It is a half price offer, and while money is tight, I feel i can splash out - I've barely had a cuddle since marrying my A almost 2 years ago.. While a massage is very different from the cosiness off a couple, some of the books I've been reading suggest treating these needs as valid and real, rather than remaining lost and feeling unloved..

So I'm fresh out of a session, 55 minutes of caring touch, gently tending to areas of physical pain, and I tried to focus my mind on telling myself that I deserved to be treated kindly, that the touch is healing and an opportunity to extend generosity to myself.. My shoulders were so tight, but the massage therapist diligently and gently worked to relax me a little more.

I am worth this, I can take care of myself, I should take care of myself because I am valuable.

It's a balancing act to focus on this when my inner voice tells me it's a stupid waste of time and money, but as someone said on my last thread, I have choices.

Trying to choose me.

Posting this because we often spend so long worrying and caring and hoping for our As, forgetting ourselves and punishing ourselves for someone else's poor choices.

What else can we choose to do for ourselves? Ill definitely try to do this again..

Sending love x

dandylion

LeSigh, if you have a proper setting for a pet--a kitty or doggy can fulfill the physical touch with a living thing that can be so healing.

dandylion

LeSigh

Thanks dandylion..

I've got two lovely cats, they have been such comfort to me, you're right about that..

But sometimes (a lot) I feel like a lonely old cat lady loser who will never be loved again..

BlueSkies1

Now when you are truly healthy you won't come here to get support and justification for this simple thing for yourself...and there will be no more money guilt over it!
So you stop that guilt trip right now, you hear me?

Perhaps the answer is to adopt 50 more cats...?
When I'm old I plan on mumbling to myself in my garden surrounded by cats while the neighbors stare and whisper about me...but I will have no cares as my long gray hair flows in the wind and I realize I am gardening in my pajamas...
well it's a fantasy anyway.

Sueski

But they are REALLY CUTE pajamas, BlueSkies!! You look adorable!

LeSigh, I actually feel that way about therapy. It feels self-indulgent. I still go, and it's gotten easier to do. I think they key is just to push through the discomfort. You're building new habits - not easy. The therapist told me to think of it like going to the gym. We don't start out bench-pressing 200 pounds. We bench 10 pounds, or whatever. The point being that it is work but in our ultimate own best interests.

I had a day off yesterday, and took myself to brunch. I had the debate with myself, "it's expensive, I should just go home. I can scramble my own egg, etc." But it was nice at the little café, all by myself...

LeSigh

Sueski, I feel the same about therapy.

Plus, I tell myself I am not so bad as to need it, I'm a boring, uninteresting client that my therapist dreads seeing, that I better demonstrate improvement or the T will be disappointed..

I know it is at least progress to be AWARE of what I know I am TELLING myself, that its skewed thinking and untrue..

Lordy I need to work on this..

BlueSkies1

Reminds me I told myself I would contact that addiction counselor...not for him, not to make him feel guilty, not to look down on him, but for me.

LifeRecovery

I had to tell this to myself a lot at one point.

Self-care is NOT Selfish.

I love therapy, body work etc.

It is the best money I have ever spent on me.

FireSprite

Yes, yes, yes! Massages are one of my favorite things in the entire world!

I spoil myself whenever possible. It's fairly often that DD & I have at-home spa afternoons on the weekends. Facials, pedicures, long bubble baths. I'm lucky enough to have a spa on my back deck so I indulge many times per week in a 103 degree soak for 20 min.

When DD & I buy ice cream we each pick our own flavor & eat it directly out of the carton while we watch girl tv. No one else gets to touch our ice cream.

On Wednesdays I go to a group reiki healing session which has turned out to be the best $10 I spend all week & no matter how tight our finances are, I make that happen.

Sometimes we just crank up the CD player & dance our butts off around our living room.

Yoga, yoga, yoga! Some of my best self-care happens on my yoga mat because I really tune in to my mind, body & spirit at the same time when I practice. I also tend to finish off with a short meditation session when I'm done & it's so relaxing!

I started a Happy Jar for myself - every time something great happens I jot down a quick note about it & toss it into the jar. DD leaves me little notes & drawing around the house & I date them, then add them to the jar. When I am feeling low about myself I open up the jar & randomly pull out one of those little folded scraps & instantly feel better after reading it.

I have 6 full grown cats & 4 of them love to cuddle so sometimes when I lie down on my couch to watch some tv I have 3 cats piled up on top of me vying for attention... so warm & fuzzy!

Hammer

I am feeling kind of sore today.

In a very Good way.

Legs ache, neck sort of stiff, arms kind of tight.

Been playing at the gym. Karate push-ups, 1/8 mile sprints, swimming laps, and a bunch more.

Makes it real nice to just sit and do wire schedules and some drafting sketches. Usually that drives me nuts and I have to get up and pace.

But today, I can just sit and relax. Feels Good.

NEVER would have thought of actually doing this without SR, Alanon and this recovery stuff.

THANK YOU!

TakingCharge999

I felt the same way this morning!!
I am trying hard not to be pessimistic and see the promise of a new day.
"There are endless possibilities" is a thought to remember.

So glad you took care of yourself and enjoyed the massage!

"Never" is too harsh a word. What if the best of your life has not happened yet?

I am with you, "making the decision" to take care of oneself is HUGE. Congratulations and I am on the same boat