Bills395

Hi. I went 14 days without a drink. Then for some reason I thought everything was fine and I could handle a couple. That went well at first, but I gradually slipped back into my old habits. It only took me about 3 weeks to undo what I did by not drinking for 14 days. So I guess this is day one again - I've done this before. Will a light come on? Will I finally get it? Its a powerful drug that is a lot tougher then I thought.

Mentium

Well done for digging yourself out of a potential hole! It does seem that for many of us it takes a good few goes before we realise that if we drink we will with utter certainty end up as bad or quite possibly worse than the last time we got on the roller coaster. It is a lesson I hope I have learnt for good that is for sure!

EndGameNYC

Hey Bills.

The problem is that there's nothing to "get."

Trying to tackle a condition that medical science has failed to remedy for centuries on our own usually ends in failure.

I achieved sobriety, and what I believe is a pretty amazing life, through working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps. I've long known that this is not the way for everyone. But without some kind of reliable support, treatment or program in place, we stand little chance of achieving stable and happy sobriety.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Bills. I think only you can answer your questions of whether or not a light will come on or if you will finally "get it". Do you think you will? It is certainly a good reminder of how quickly things go back downhill. It's also important to remember that each time things go downhill, they generally take you farther and farther down...and increasingly harder to get back up.

Perhaps you should look at what kind of plan ( or lack thereof ) that you were using during those 14 days. What could you have done differently to keep you from thinking that everything was suddenly OK and you could drink again? And how can you prevent it from happening again in another 14 days?

LillianGish

Bills395,
Most of us have done what you just tried.

I'm not in a position to give advice, but one thing I have been doing is journaling. Specifically, I've been writing down all the horrible things I did when I was drinking and how horrible I felt while I was doing it (or rather how I felt when I woke up).

It's helped me a few times now, when I feel my resolve weakening.

So, brush yourself off and now that you know what doesn't work....start again.

Good luck!!!

lorelei

Hey bills, you can beat this. Dig deep and keep posting x

Threshold

Welcome! I believe you can do this. So many here are proof that sobriety after boozing is doable, livable and a good life!

What I had to "get" was that what it was going to take for me to live sober was to be willing to live sober. And to do that I had to decide to not drink, no matter what, and create some sort of life I wanted to live.

Not drinking, made the second part possible. I couldn't create a life I cared to live while I was still drinking and using drugs.

Even before I quit I did a LOT of "investigating". Coming to this forum, reading, asking questions, and even arguing helped me figure out what might be possible for me if I got sober and some strategies for doing that, AND for making a life after that.

I also investigated lots of other resources, and reinvested in my own life.

I did NOT do a one time, super duper overhaul. I thought I had to do that at first, that my only hope was to wake up one day, change everything. So glad that was not the case. Not drink and make a little headway in other areas every day.

Bills395

Thanks everyone. I really think think I'm kidding myself into thinking I can be "normal" with drinking - when clearly I can't. It really is the last thing I have to get out of my head. That thought is hanging on pretty tight. How does one battle that one or get rid of it? I mean I think I can be the guy who has two drinks - but a 3 day binge later clearly says I'm not. It really is quite ridiculous as my thoughts and actions are clearly out of sync.

ScottFromWI

For me it finally just came down to admitting the obvious. If you re-read your reply above, you can see the contradiction we all make at some point. You know you can't drink normally because of your actions, that is clear. Yet you still think you somehow can. It's kind of like trying to mix oil and water - no matter how many times you try, or how much you stir it up - it's never going to work.

For some it takes reaching some kind of "bottom": Health scares, losing a job, divorce, etc. I was fortunate enough to realize it without reaching any of those.

It's really your choice. You can continue to try and moderate until things get bad enough that you are forced to stop, or you can quit now while you have your health ( and I'm assuming ) your job and family.

Imabuleva

Hi Bill, I would just think about how normal drinkers think. The answer is, they don't. They don't obsess about alcohol. Sometimes they'll have a drink, sometimes they won't. They could go for years without a drink and think nothing of it. If you're obsessing about controlling your drinking, you aren't a normal drinker.

I'm only on day 4 myself. But this is what made me realize I can't touch the stuff. It always leads down the same road of misery.

Anna

It's hard to accept that we can't drink ever again, but you can do it.

And, good for you for going 14 days without drinking. You can do this!

Dee74

Once I accepted that alcohol and I had a toxic relationship, the internal struggle thing really died off Bills

D

Hevyn

Hi Bill. I'm sorry you had that setback. I did it to myself so many times.

Once we convince ourselves we can never, ever touch it we're so much better off. I wish I hadn't been such a slow learner. I had to have terrible things happen to prove I couldn't predict what would happen if I drank. I'm glad you're on Day 1 and giving this another try. You can do it Bill.