firstymer

Struggling on Day 9. I find myself in one those circumstances (alone, at home after work, done for the day), when I would ALWAYS get drunk. And now I can't. And that makes me angry. It seems that not drinking has turned upside down about 75% of my free time.

So, with that, I list randomly 15 of the things about being an alcoholic that I hope not to experience again. I am hoping that listing these items will get me to Day 10.

1. The way my kids treat me differently when they know that I am drunk. My 12 year old has talked to me more in the last week (since I have been sober) than I can remember. (Of course, given how little I remember when drunk, I guess I can't really be sure. Haha)
2. Feeling nauseous after virtually every meal.
3. The coworkers who look sideways at me at work, making me wonder if they know that I am hungover.
4. Waking up at 2:30 a.m., sweaty and panicky, virtually every morning after going to bed drunk, and usually not getting back to sleep.
5. Planning my meals to ensure that I can drink before I eat and thereby catch a better buzz by drinking on an empty stomach.
6. Dreading trips to the dentist because I fear I will start losing teeth like my alcoholic father and brother. And being too drunk to care about brushing my teeth at night.
7. Worrying about being too drunk for sex. And frequently being too drunk for sex.
8. Shaky hands. All the time.
9. Swollen hands and feet. And a swollen stomach, from drunken, late-night eating binges.
10. Horrible breath, brought on by dehydration.
11. The panicked feeling of seeing a police car while driving drunk.
12. Losing clients who have seen me drunk in public, and who decide (even though they don't tell me) that they don't want to work with me anymore.
13. The lack of interest in work, and lack of focus, brought on by a seemingly constant hangover.
14. 3 (or more) separate sessions on the toilet each day.
15. Constantly worrying that I will end up like members of my alcoholic family who are sick, broke, lonely and alone.

I am still angry that I can't drink tonight. But, having listed these random 15 experiences, I think tonight I will be angry and sober. It is preferable to me than being drunk and experiencing numbers 1 through 15, above.

james872

Great going on 9 days! Remember, it only takes a little while longer for the hardest part to be over. You won't be angry anymore either, your emotions are a little out of balance right now. That's completely normal at this point.

And great going on making this list! It shows that you take this seriously and those are damn good reasons to stay sober (especially 1, 11 and 15, in my opinion).

After 9 days it'll get easier and easier. Stay strong and remember your list. Read it frequently and add things to it if they come to mind. Also, I recommend making a second list with the benefits of staying sober. That way you have one that focuses on the bad things that will go away and another one that focuses on the good things you will have.

About the 75% free time. First of all, notice how much time you used to waste drinking! Maybe it's a good idea to make a third list. A list of cool, fun and useful things you can do in the time you freed up and then start doing them.

Again, great going!

lessgravity

Excellent work. And I know I could add another 15 in a heartbeat.

Stay strong.

foolsgold66

That's a really good list. Get yourself a soda and watch the television, or read a book, or clean something. You can do it!

Ornithology

Thanks firstymer for the fifteen reasons, it's my day 9 and I struggled this evening as well. I'll keep you list of reasons not to drink nearby for future use.

Acheleus

Thank you for the list.