wolfpackfan45

I've been going to a counselor for 10 months. He has been helping me work through my depression and anxiety. Some has been brought on by family health situations, and some by my son's alcoholism. I asked him several months ago if he would be willing to work on my 5th step of Al Anon with me and he agreed wholeheartedly. I trust him and don't really have anyone else I trust as much that can do this. My AlAnon group is very small and there is no one in it I would feel comfortable talking to. I also felt that maybe if he did this step with me he'd get some insight on why I suffer such horrible anxiety and panic. I took my Blueprint for Progress notebook to my session several weeks ago and we started going over some of my work. When I went back for the next session he told me he'd rather not work on it with me anymore. I was pretty surprised and I must admit, a bit hurt. He told me he felt my step work should be separate from my counseling sessions. It normally is, but I really just needed someone to listen to me while i tried to finish the step. Was I wrong in asking a counselor to do this? I thought he'd be great for it. I'm so confused.

DesertEyes

Hello wolfpackfan, and pleased to "meet" you

You were not wrong The 12 steps of al-anon clearly state that the "inventory" is to be shared with "another human being". There is no requirement that it _must_ be a sponsor. I know a lot of people who have used their therapist, others use a member of the clergy.

Mike

Diva76

I don't think so? I'm surprised a counselor would respond to you this way? Based on what you shared, it sounds to me like you were using the Blueprint for Progress Notebook as a tool to use during your therapy sessions.

Did you ask your counselor why he prefers not to work on it with you anymore?
I can certainly understand why this would be confusing for you....

I sincerely hope this gets resolved for you....

All the best,



Linda

Hammer

Yeah, it sounds sort of clumsy in the explanation. Not by you, but from him to you.

Maybe it is an ethics thing? Alanon (and AA) 12th step work is usually viewed as a VERY NON-PAID sort of thing.

Maybe because he would be in the dual role (paid T + 12th Step (for him)) he views it as a conflict?

Bubovski

I did my 5th with a priest; he was quite good.
I don't want to complicate things but personally I would be wary of a counsellor who limited his degree of inquiry........................

LexieCat

I wouldn't say you're "wrong" but your counselor may feel uncomfortable in that role--he might not feel qualified, for whatever reason. Nobody is "obligated" to take on the role of someone participating in a Fifth Step, so he's within his rights to decline. Guess you will have to find someone else to do it. Do you have a sponsor? If not, this might be a good time to get one...

LifeRecovery

Just my experience.

My counselor agreed to be the person I did my 5th step with.

She has extensive experience in AA/Al-anon though so I don't know if that makes a difference. When I mentioned it to some AA/Al-Anon people (non-therapists) I was surprised that they did not think it was appropriate.

I think it is appropriate to follow up with your therapist and ask about it. It might be something straightforward, and either way it would be a good learning experience for me if needed.

wolfpackfan45

Thanks for your responses. Lexicat, what confused and hurt me was that we'd started it and spent a whole session on it and then he didn't want to finish it. When I first approached him on it he said he'd be honored. His explanation for the reason why he didn't want to continue really wasn't clear to me, but he did say he didn't understand what the purpose of the step was. I just wish he hadn't told me he'd do it and go through some of it with me, to then tell me he'd changed his mind. Diva76, it was the Blueprint for Progress notebook. I figured it would also help with some of the issues I've been having with anxiety. I guess I'm just second guessing whether this guy is really the best counselor for me now. I went to him mainly to help me get through all the issues that have arisen from my son's alcoholism and also to help me to overcome my codependency issues. I originally went every week but am now going every other week. He still tries to schedule me every week and I have to cut him off and remind him it's now every other week. This bothers me in that I'm starting to feel he just wants me to keep coming back even though it's costly for me. I wish I had a sponsor, but the group I'm able to attend is very small and there insn't anyone in there I'd feel comfortable asking or who'd be willing to take it on. I'll have to come up with someone.