PrincessJasmine

Hi,
I'm new to this site, this is my first post, and in fact I'm brand new to the idea that I am a true alcoholic and should probably never, ever drink again.

I found this site quite by accident on Monday when while nursing a particularly bad hangover and googled "how to quit drinking." Mind you, I never intended that to mean "quit drinking FOREVER" I just wanted a few easy tips on how to stop "for a while". Somehow I found this site and started reading people's stories and seeing myself reflected in these stories. I also did an online AA worksheet that helped me realize that most of my drinking "accomplishments" such as going out with the girls and only having 2 drinks (only to come home and drink a whole bottle of wine or more) were actually my alcoholic way of avoiding negative consequences from my drinking such as embarrassment, a DUI, etc. Wow, what a mind blower that was!

Anyway, I'm currently on day 6. It's been pretty easy so far. Yes, I've had some night sweats but that's about it. Ive actually slept better these last 5 nights than in years. Insomnia was one of my reasons for drinking. I was very nervous about last night. My first sober Friday night in I don't know how long and I knew my husband was going to drink (which he did) but, it went very smoothly. We watched a movie with our children and I have to say I enjoyed that movie more than any other I've seen in a loooong time! Not necessarily because it was the best movie ever made, but because I was fully present in it. I could feel all its highs and lows and the suspense and the action because I wasn't sitting there passively but actively enjoying the movie. I had 1 stressful moment this week that made me want to drink, but I examined my feelings, why I was feeling that way, etc and was able to work through it without succumbing to having a drink.

But, today has been rough. It's Saturday. It's a holiday weekend. I felt like taking the kids out to dinner and a movie could be fun and keep my mind off things. However, I'm very afraid that being out to eat in itself will be a trigger. I almost NEVER go to a restaurant without having a drink. It just makes it feel like a special occasion. On top of that, when I mentioned the dinner/movie idea to my husband, he seemed less than enthused which took some of the joy out of it for me.
In addition to that its Saturday so my children are home and requiring more of me today and I'm just starting to realize that may be a trigger too. I will get frustrated by doing everything for everyone and I think I may view that glass of wine as my reward for being a super mom/wife.
Well, as I typed this DH told the kids that we're going out so I guess that's that. Can't disappoint them now. Very nervous about the restaurant thing.
I feel like crying. I don't want this to be a thing. I want to be able to go out (or not) without alcohol being at the center of anything.
I'm also still struggling with the idea of never again. Up until a few days ago I still assumed I just needed to get my drinking under control. You know, be normal. Now, I'm coming to realize maybe I'm not nor will I ever be a normal drinker, I guess that just makes me sad.

Sorry. I guess this is rambling. I am really hoping for some support from here.
If you pray, please pray for me that I'm able to order a tea tonight at dinner and be happy with that. Thanks

JumpnOn2

Hello! Welcome to SR!! You've come to a wonderfully supportive place! Keep coming back it does help!!!

Dee74

Hi and welcome PrincessJasmine
what about going to a non alcoholic restaurant?

If thats not an option, remember you're with your kids...focus on that. There's no need to drink alcohol tonight.

You can make different choices - it might be rough for a little while, but there is a mountain of support here

D

Amajorityofone

Hullo and congratulations on six days of sobriety!
Good for YOU!

My advice?

Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. Don't worry about next month and don't worry about next year. Instead, put all of your energy into staying clean and sober today and today only.

Good luck and God Bless

AlefVavResh

First and most difficult step. I will pray for you. Hope you ordered tea You can also do cranberry juice with a lime. That's my fav'

Keep checking in.

LadyinBC

Welcome to SR. I think most of us feel this way.

Don't look at it as never again. All that is required of you is to get thru today without picking up a drink. Don't worry about tomorrow, a week from now etc. Just get thru it one day at a time. Keep it simple. That is what I did and so far it has worked.

And congrats on 6 days!

firstymer

Hi, PJ. I am at Day 6 too. Stumbled onto SR on the same day as you. I have been a problem drinker, and lately a full-blown alcoholic, for probably 20 years without ever trying to quit until Monday. This site has been a God-send for me.

I struggled today too. With the physical effects of drinking starting to fade, I wondered today if I haven't proven my point - that I can stop drinking if I want to. That maybe I can drink for a while longer and quit later. But I know that I can't. I can't stop and 1 or 2drinks. I can't continue to try to juggle everything that I have to juggle (family, work, enjoying life, etc.) when I am drunk every night. I am one brief moment away from a drunk driving conviction, from losing my job and career, from losing my children, from serious alcohol-related medical issues. So I know that I can't drink again. Or at least, I don't want to drink again.

You will order tea tonight and be happy with that. You will do it because you know that you are capable of doing that. And you will do it because you know that it will make you feel better about your life. And I hope you will do it because, as I have learned this week, there are many, many people here at SR that are thinking about you and supporting you, and who know exactly what you are going through.

Good luck. Congratulations on Day 6.

P.S. I just got back from a very nice Italian resturant. My fiancee had a glass of wine. I drank 3 glasses of water. You can do this.

Hevyn

Welcome Princess! That wasn't rambling at all - I felt that way when I first realized I needed to stop.

At the end of my drinking career, everything I did had to have alcohol involved in it. I had become completely dependent on it. I refused to admit it wasn't even fun or enjoyable anymore - just a terrible habit I couldn't let go of. I'm glad you're taking a look at what it's doing to your life. You can get free of it - and we will help.

Anna

It's normal to feel sad and to mourn the loss of alcohol. For many of us, it's been something that we turned to and depended upon to help us through each day. Unfortunately, it often takes over our lives.

You're doing great and I hope you get through the restaurant dinner tonight.

phoebe64

Welcome. I am here on a new day 1. The forever thing always gets me too. So, I am going to try to really stay in the present and not drink today, or sometimes, not right now. I identify with the hard day as mommy, and needing the reward, especially out to dinner. But, I find, I look more and more often to reward myself. It takes over.

Good luck out to dinner tonight. I hope you do/did enjoy it.

PrincessJasmine

Hi. Thanks to all of you who replied. I posted this then showered and got ready for tonight and in that time I got several replies that I read right before walking out the door. Thank you!!!!! I believe those replies helped get me through! We went out for Japanese which made it very easy to be happy with my hot tea.
Dinner and the movie were fun, although, I completely lost my cool with my son on the way home (this is the 2nd or 3rd time today I've overreacted to something (irritability setting in much?) so I have that to deal with. Also, although DH only ordered iced tea at dinner, he is planning on getting a 6 pack now that we're home. Beer isn't really my thing so I'm hoping I am ok with that.
Thank you all who replied. You've helped me get through my first night out without a glass of wine. Your thoughts are so appreciated

pinkdog

Welcome Princess. Glad to have you on board here. It's a great place.

angie9

When you enjoy drinking and a heavy drinker its normal to mourn alcohol. Ive been sober for over a year now after slips and hitting rock bottom ..in hospital, losing my children I could not or so I thought live without my friend alcohol and I panicked at the thought of no more booze!! So it took me a while ten years in fact to realize that I can and that I can never ever touch alcohol EVER!!! do I feel sad at times I sure do but then I look at my life now.. no hangovers no wondering what Ive done the night before and I have more money!! ( I was a expensive drunk!!) Day six is a awesome start and all you can do is be honest to yourself and take each day as it comes

Nuudawn

The realization that we must give up something we have depended on, often for many, many years..is never an easy one. Facing life without alcohol takes effort and resources. It's an overwhelming thought..so I just focus on my present and handling each situation that comes along..as they come along. It's when I get out of my "now" that I get into trouble. I had a rather surreal experience today whilst driving to work. I thought about drinking in the future. I thought..well, maybe I could drink if I didn't NEED to. Like I could drink if I wasn't stressed or anxious or just wanted to relax into a situation rather than work through it...if I didn't want to do the work of true relating and connecting and just let wine do the work. Well why would I drink then? What would be the point then? I guess that's what makes me alcoholic. And as I thought about drinking...I could almost see this ugly little troll within me wake up..with its gigantic drooling mouth and incessant thirst....start smackin' it's lips. Ya...my drinking days just don't make sense anymore.

Soichiro18

Welcome! I'm a newcomer myself just Thursday, a few of what you said hit home for me. One being that when you say 2 drinks, it's never 2 drinks. It's you drink until you don't want to drink anymore even under the effects of alcohol.

Two being that when you stop drinking, sleeping at night is better, you enjoy the things you do more, and remember the things you do more vividly. The part about you enjoying the movie more than anytime during drinking is totally true for me. I drink to have fun with the buzz, and I find myself asking why am I drinking if all I end up doing is ruining the enjoyment I'll have from a movie/activity if I was sober. It's so self defeating.

So here is something you may think about the next time you want to drink. What if that drink cause you to not remember something great from your children or other activities? Something you could talk about for years if you were sober at the time to recall. I wouldn't want to miss that.