Lara

Dear SR friends (Anne, EnglishGarden, Vale and everyone else)... I have not posted in a while. I am still here. It has been just over a year since I joined SR. I can't believe how far I have come. H is in a good place. He has been in recovery for quite a few months. But this is not about him. This is about me. To all those new comers here on SR - just keep on posting. And keep on reading. Don't give up on YOURSELVES. This is a journey about YOU - not the addict in your life - or the recovering addict (believe it or not). Whenever you have a question about 'your' addict - turn the question around - and ask it directly of yourself. This will help give you direction - and to begin to heal. When you cry out "WHY has he relapsed AGAIN"?? - rather ask yourself "Why am I still HERE??" When you ask "Doesn't the 'addict' love himself enough? How can he be so selfish??" Rather ask YOURSELF "Why dont' I love myself enough to GET OUT of this dreadful situation"??
You need to be patient - this is a long process. It is a journey. One thing I have learnt - I don't regret having met H. I no longer 'regret' his addiction - or the wasted years. I have learnt more about myself this past year - then in all the years. His addiction brought me to SR. Initially it was all about him. I had so many 'WHY' questions. But slowly over the months, with the incredible support of everyone here - I realised it was all about ME!! Yes, many factors - my dad was an alcoholic - so I was text book 'Adult child of an alcoholic'. This helped explain the reasons for hanging on so tightly when H was in active addiction - he brought my world tumbling down around me - only after being with SR for a few months - did I face the bitter truth - that the only person responsible for bringing the walls tumbling down - was ME! Another HUGE HUGE factor in beginning to heal - is you have to have faith. Faith that you are not alone in this world. That there is a spirit / God / Christ - whomever you chose to believe is your Higher Power - that God is far greater than any addiction - and far greater than all our will power in the world. Truly surrender. Hand all your pain, worries and regrets over to Him. He will heal you - and comfort you. 'Let go and let God'.
God bless you all

Kindeyes

Lara....good to hear from you again and that you're doing well.

You have come a long way. I hope the light of your recovery will inspire others.

Keep taking care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

Ann

Hi Lara, welcome home. Your post is a beacon of light, an inspiration to everyone here.

I am so glad your life is going well, it's always good to see a familiar face.

Hugs

GardenMama

Everything you share is SO true, Lara, and it is good to see you posting again. I first posted needing advice and support about decisions regarding my RAD. Now I know that this space is really all about ME and how I respond to situations in my life that I thought were all about my daughter, but that I now see have a lot to do with ME. And this does not come easy to the parents here...

Thanks for the great insights!