thirdtyme

I slipped ended up taking oxys on Tuesday of this week which was day 21. Im using that experience to keep moving forward I was not happy about the move I made but I see how real this is and am using this to make my sobriety plan stronger. I haven't taken anything since Tuesday thank God I didn't have withdrawls I thought it would have started the process all over again. I believe I messed up because I wasn't taking the full does of naltrexone which is 50mg I was taking 25. Now I will wait a few days and resume taking the naltrexone. At first I felt so guilty but Im glad Im going forward and not continue taking.

thirdtyme

I have a question which I know is debatable. Does this mean I have to start counting my sober days since Tuesday because of the slip up I had?

TiredEnough

I my lowly opinion, I would say no. If you get a ton of hard earned clean time, it seems awfully harsh to go back to day 1 for a slip.

I would say your winning 21-1

fancyfee

Sorry you had a lapse. How much did you take?

I don't think it really matters about counting days...but from my point of view- you are on Day 2. I really don't mean to sound like a meanie, because I'm not, but if you don't count it, then it doesn't matter. Then 3 weeks from now, it might not matter again, it was just a treat...just one day. Then the cycle keeps going.

Days don't really matter though. Staying clean does, right?

doggonecarl

If you are going to count, then yes, you start over with Wednesday being day one.

It doesn't wipe out what you gained during your sober time, experience-wise. But it does help to remind us that when we relapse, we are still in the grip of our addiction.

fancyfee

I wanted to add that I think it's awesome that you came on here and admitted it though, and learned.

Whatever keeps you sober/clean is the most important thing!

cleaninLI

Thirdtyme, IMHO it depends what you were referring to when you said "I have x amount of days."

Were you saying I have x amount of days clean and sober? This obviously means days you didn't take pills. So if you took one you need to start over with your count.

Or

Were you saying "I have x amount of days in my recovery?
My belief is that relapse or lapse can be apart of recovery. If you have learned from the experience and you quickly stop using. If this is the case, continue counting where you left off.

This count and how you interpret it is for you, no one else but you. Look at jakes thread, some are triggered by counting. If that's the case, don't even count!

If this lapse causes guilt or a f***** it attitude "I might as well use more if I have to start all over again." Then you should continue where you left off.

If by continuing the count where you left off causes a "oh, I can dib and dab here and there it won't take my clean time away" attitude then you better start your count over.

Do what works for you to keep you committed to remaining clean and sober!

TiredEnough

My concern is someone with alot of clean time can devastate themselves with calling it day one. Everyone has a valid point, though.

If you went on a 5 or 10 day bender, I dont think you could really not start over. Brrrr. That gives me the shivers just thinking about it

doggonecarl

Being honest about our recovery, every facet, our clean time or our relapses, shouldn't devastate us. If it does, we should look at the state of our recovery.

I know for myself, when I started to fudge with the numbers, like saying "I've been clean 180 day. One day of using isn't that bad." Next thing I know, before I've even slipped, I'm thinking 180 days further down the road and planning that relapse with the justification, two days in a year isn't bad. But who's to say I'm make it more than one day past a relapse?

Relapse isn't part of recovery; it's part of the addiction.

Count, don't count...you can say it doesn't matter as long as you stay clean. Maybe so. For what I've seen, the people with the most problem with counting clean days are those who have trouble accumulating them.

thirdtyme

Thanks for the feedback. And I used 3 15mg oxys on Tuesday. Not that it means anything but I used to use 90-115 a day. I slipped that's the way I look at it and I'll try my best to not let it happen again. When I gave in I said I give up and will start back up again. After taking those oxys I told my self I wont let that stop by sobriety I slipped but I will get back up and keep up with my sobriety. To tell you guys the truth I actually didn't like the feeling they gave me maybe I still had naltrexone in my system and it blocked the high. I gave in because I still felt restless and wasn't sleeping well. Thankfully last night melatonin helped me sleep but I actually feel good now no withdrawls. Thankfully it was one day and not two and the continued cycle.

cleaninLI

Thirdtyme, I'm just glad your back! You make the decision what you want to do about your count. We will respect whatever you decide. I know it's important to have accountability in recovery, but the one you need to be most accountable to is yourself (for those who believe -your Higher Power)

I don't know how others feel here at SR.

I am your fan, your cheering section not your judge and jury.

thirdtyme

Your the best cleaninli if I could hug you I would.

fancyfee

Just keep up the good work. I'm totally cheering you on! This stuff isn't easy. I think we are around the same timeline- you for Oxy, me for Subs. Today I was thinking, why do I have to feel this way! Why did I do this to myself? One day at a time if that gets you through it. Sending you a big hug, and CleaninLI because she always knows the right things to say