lessgravity

that's what they tell us!

If you say "Oh I'm trying to cut back on sugary foods" or "Yeah I stopped smoking last December" or "Taking some time off of heroin" - the responses are "GOOD for you!"

You tell them "Decided to cut back on my drinking" or "I don't drink anymore" and their eyebrows raise, their eyes shift, they become uncomfortable because of course something must be wrong with you!

Screw that. Incredible how fundamentally wrong this is, how insidious the booze-poison is accepted, needed, favored etc in our Western culture.

Nothing is wrong with not drinking. There's everything right about it, actually.

kiter

I love it! And thank you!

ReadyAtLast

My sister said she thought it was really sad that I'd decided never to drink again

FBL

I don't know, depends on the circumstances. Almost everyone in my life is glad that I quit as they could see I had a big problem, no matter how much I tried to hide it. Those that aren't glad ("drinking buddies") were never really my friends anyway, so who cares what they think.

Threshold

Yeah, I've gotten only positive responses, and many people saying they've been thinking about cutting back or that they should cut back on their drinking.

maybe it's an age thing. I'm pushing 50

ScottFromWI

I'd agree with that too. I'm glad you've found a motivation that works for you LG, but I'd hate newcomers or those thinking about quitting to assume everyone looks down on us for quitting . Other than a very small number of drinking buddies, the overwhelming response for me quitting has been positive.

neferkamichael

Lessgravity, well said, FANTASTIC.

IWLSAST

Muy Bueno, lessgravity!!!

LadyBlue0527

Awesome post!

I also second what FormerBeerLover said, although as I read it all I could hear was Frank Burns voice

The only people who had a problem with me quitting were those who could think only about the fact that I was going to deny them a person that they could get drunk with and act in any manner they wanted. I'm sure that my quitting also made them face their own denial that they have a problem and that made them angry too. Logically speaking, who would really get mad at someone for doing something that's good for them?

The other conclusion I came to is that I altered their "at least I'm not THAT bad when I drink" gauge. I was the "THAT bad" person. They didn't like the automatic gauge adjustment that I made for them when I quit. They were afraid that I just pushed them up to the turnstile

Itchy

Everyone here has it right, good thread. The truth is that it makes them uncomfortable with their own drinking. Good for us. But truthfully I now see how many people nurse one drink that I thought were keeping up with me. I was glaringly obvious to them. Maybe they realize that now, and are drinking that thought away?

bblackbirdflyy

bingo lady blue.

EndGameNYC

My world narrowed down to almost nothing after I relapsed. My family and the few other people who were in my life were all relieved that I stopped killing myself.

Lando45

I just stopped drinking and my biggest fear is everyone looking at me and whispering there is the guy with a problem. How do you get over that?

ScottFromWI

You get over it by realizing that it is merely a figment of your alcohlic imagination. Unless you make a habit of hanging out exclisively with drinkers in bars, no one will know, much less care.

lessgravity

Actually I want you, and the rest of the posters, to know that I posted this exactly because of the emotions you, and others, describe. I know them well.

I think everyone has a different way of dealing with this aspect of quitting. From those who say they don't care at all what others think, to those paralyzed by the idea of ever having the coversation, and the rest in-between. Truth is most people won't care that you don't drink - but then the other truth is if you operate in a social/work circle like I do then you have to explain to people on a regular basis that you don't drink, just as a matter of course.

Quitting is the best thing you can do for yourself. I'm still very much in the early stages of my sobriety so I'm no expert. But I have thought and read long and hard about this.

The "everyone" that you speak about either doesn't have your best interest in mind or, and I find this the case as much as any, your decision to not drink puts in question their need to drink. Either way, like many have said - those who love you and care about you and don't feel that their dependancy on the bottle is being threatened by your abstinence will root you on and be there for you.

And the rest? Screw them. The idea that alcohol (the most damaging drug in the world) is accepted and elevated to such a high place in our Western culture is wrong. But that's the public opinion - one only need watch any movie or tv or listen to any album or walk into any restaurant. It's the public opinion. But I like what Oscar Wilde had to say about that - public opinion... "an attempt to organize the ignorance of the community, and to elevate it to the dignity of physical force."

Lando45

Thank you that response. I am in a sales position that is constantly dealing with get together a and my coworkers all know me as the guy who drinks and has fun. It's so hard to have to explain to everyone that I'm quoting because I have a problem. One it's embarrassing and two you don't want it to affect your professional life. This is day 4 of sobriety and I'm glad I found this site.:thank you!

lessgravity

I'm also in a situation where my work is very often related to cocktail hours and the rest. But I think you need to look at it from a point of strength. There are a few things I've come to use -

1. most people, even drinkers, even your usual drunk buddies really don't care that much or at all that you aren't drinking - as long as it doesn't interfere with their enjoyment.

2. think of it from a position of health and well-being and self-improvement. You don't need another drunk night. I don't know you at all and I can already tell that. None of us do. Instead be the guy that (assuming you have to be around it at all) who checks in, has a laugh and then goes home with more money in his pocket, more brain cells in his head and a nice clear morning to look forward to.

3. finally I think it is ok if I struggle with a bit of the embarassment of being saddled with a problem with drinking. I have one. There are some others don't - they can leave half a beer in their glass and not pick anything else up on their way home - good for them. The way I deal with the embarassment is based on the premise of this post - that the truth is that the rest of the world is dead f**king wrong when it comes to this liquid poision. Even if they stand in judgement, it's because they are brainwashed into thinking it's a nice, happy pasttime where the truth is that lives, marriages, childhoods, friendships, jobs etc are lost solely because of the existence of this poison.

Lando45

Great advice...i need to get over the fact that I'm never going to drink again and start really enjoying myself. The past 10 years have been sneaking lying and hangovers. I am naturally funny and don't need the booze to help me in a crowd so that will be my focus. I've already cancelled couple of work function that I know are just alcohol induced networking parties. I think I'm ready....looking forward to saving money and Brian cells

wakko

I seldom am in drinking situations because I avoid them. If I am I order a soda if pushed I. say I had health problems with drinking

Nuudawn

You know I"m not sure if it's a sign of age ..or the company I keep these days rather than in previous quits. No one in my world "gives a (insert expletive)" about me quitting drinking. Actually .that's not true as my family are pleased about it. I also wonder if it's how I say it now to. I'm pretty matter of fact in tone no matter how I say it...no one cares. I know when I was younger and attempting abstinence it was a whole different story..and the ones who seemed to sit up and take notice (and comment/question) were pretty heavy drinkers/partiers..lol..so they weren't really caring about ME either..it was about THEM.