sobersovereign

I had a bit of an aha moment today that I wanted to share in case it speaks to anyone else. I've been in a state of constant relapse, or more accurately just not-being-sober-ness, for quite a while now. I can get a day or three together, but as soon as I start feeling even a little better, I have kept finding an excuse to start up again. Last night I found myself already quite tipsy at the liquor store, spending money I don't have on a giant box of wine, which really says it all. (It seemed like such a good idea at the time: "this will be such a cheaper way to get loaded than the sixers of beer you've been buying!" my AV chirped happily. Never mind that red wine gives me pretty much instant black outs and blistering, kind-of-want-to-die hangovers. Twenty bucks literally poured down the drain.)

The boozing is of course all wrapped up with a profound lack of productivity overall, as well as a significant weight gain, as well as just looking and feeling like crap all the time. And today I caught myself really beating myself up about all of it -- which I do every day, I just happened to notice it today. I realized I am just fueling and perpetuating self-beliefs that are undermining my efforts to get sober. "I can't believe you did this again. What the hell is wrong with you? Are you ever going to get it together? No wonder you're single. No wonder you can't finish anything you start." Etc., etc., except with more profanity.

Now, I'm not some kind of new-age hippie, but I truly believe we create our own reality through our self-talk, and we affirm our core beliefs with our actions (and our actions shape/reshape our core beliefs.) So this just made me realize that part of my recovery plan has to include actively rewriting that self-talk and essentially training myself to think in new ways. I'd love to hear others' experience with this and/or ideas for books or other resources that cover this kind of ground. Happy sober Tuesday to all.

Anna

Yeah, the negative self-talk has to go. It serves a brief purpose, but if you continue in that vein, you will continue to spiral down.

MatildaRose

Dear Sober, I agree with you about the fact that we create our future thru the thoughts we think and what we say when we talk to ourselves. I took a class back in 1979 with Jose Silva of "Silva mind Control" fame and it was the most important class that I ever took. Of course today we have all the wonderful work from Louise Hay and Hay House radio and Abraham Hicks Etc. but they are all basically just parroting what I heard Jose teach way back when. When I was drunk I still believed the same thing. I was creating hell on Earth thru my negative self talk but somehow I just could not stop. Today I am happily sober and prepaving a healthy productive future. I KNOW you can do the same thing and you all ready know what tools you need to use. I wish you strength and more than that I wish you love...self love! That's what I have found turned things around for me.

Dee74

hey sobersovereign

I definitely agree that negative self talk is not useful - but I think a lot of that self image and self talk is wrapped up in our addiction.

For me the stopping drinking had to come first, not after.

Being aware of my negative self talk and disregard for myself helped me fight the urge to go and add more alcohol fuel to the fire, and being sober a little while helped turn my perception of myself around, and helped me work out a more healthy inner dialogue

D

doggonecarl

There is the negative thinking that most people have to some degree. Self help books are good for addressing that. Then there is the insane thinking of alcoholism and the addictive voice. The AA Big Book and Rational Recovery reading is good for that.