Girlfriend is a recovering alcoholic
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2
Girlfriend is a recovering alcoholic
I started dating her a year ago and we broke up due a situation largely caused by her alcoholism.
She had been sober for 6 months when we decided to start dating again. For the last 4 months everything has been amazing. Until recently she started getting increasingly distant. She tells me spending so much time with me took her focus off sobriety and she started getting more and more anxious. She says she's having a difficult time juggling our relationship and the program. She's gone back to going to meetings 6 nights a week and I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. We've gone from talking to eachother all day to hardly speaking.
She said she's still interested in our relationship but doesnt know how to handle both things. I want to be as supportive as possible, but I don't know how to deal with someone who acts like they want nothing to do with me. Is there a point where I need to just let her go? If anyone has experience with this or any advice please share!
Just to clear up, I rarely drink at all let alone around her. So it's not a matter of me pressuring her or anything like that.
She had been sober for 6 months when we decided to start dating again. For the last 4 months everything has been amazing. Until recently she started getting increasingly distant. She tells me spending so much time with me took her focus off sobriety and she started getting more and more anxious. She says she's having a difficult time juggling our relationship and the program. She's gone back to going to meetings 6 nights a week and I haven't seen her in 2 weeks. We've gone from talking to eachother all day to hardly speaking.
She said she's still interested in our relationship but doesnt know how to handle both things. I want to be as supportive as possible, but I don't know how to deal with someone who acts like they want nothing to do with me. Is there a point where I need to just let her go? If anyone has experience with this or any advice please share!
Just to clear up, I rarely drink at all let alone around her. So it's not a matter of me pressuring her or anything like that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 78
Hi tropic1,
Unfortunately there is only so much you can do and you have to respect her space/process. Truth to be told, the first 2 years are crucial for her and if she is really committed to her life, her focus has to be her program, not the relationship.
You will know what to do and always follow your heart and gut.
My exboyfriend of four years broke up with me after 76 days sober. It was hard and crucial and well, I have no idea where he is right now in his recovery, but every day I just hope he is well. Our relationship was rocky, but nevertheless, I stayed by his side because I believed in him...however, he (just like you girlfriend) needs to do it on her own. NOBODY can do it for them.
Big hugs from my heart to yours!
Find al Al Anon meeting or a therapist. They will be able to guide you in the right direction
Unfortunately there is only so much you can do and you have to respect her space/process. Truth to be told, the first 2 years are crucial for her and if she is really committed to her life, her focus has to be her program, not the relationship.
You will know what to do and always follow your heart and gut.
My exboyfriend of four years broke up with me after 76 days sober. It was hard and crucial and well, I have no idea where he is right now in his recovery, but every day I just hope he is well. Our relationship was rocky, but nevertheless, I stayed by his side because I believed in him...however, he (just like you girlfriend) needs to do it on her own. NOBODY can do it for them.
Big hugs from my heart to yours!
Find al Al Anon meeting or a therapist. They will be able to guide you in the right direction
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm glad she is focusing on her program, because it will save her life.
Letting her go, for now, anyway, is probably the best idea. You never know, you may reconnect when she is feeling in a stronger place, or maybe you will both just sorta move on. Timing is everything, and you came in at a difficult place for her.
You can wish her the best and stay friendly if she is so inclined, but the less pressure the better, for both of you.
Letting her go, for now, anyway, is probably the best idea. You never know, you may reconnect when she is feeling in a stronger place, or maybe you will both just sorta move on. Timing is everything, and you came in at a difficult place for her.
You can wish her the best and stay friendly if she is so inclined, but the less pressure the better, for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by mv6348 
Hi tropic1,
Unfortunately there is only so much you can do and you have to respect her space/process. Truth to be told, the first 2 years are crucial for her and if she is really committed to her life, her focus has to be her program, not the relationship.
You will know what to do and always follow your heart and gut.
My exboyfriend of four years broke up with me after 76 days sober. It was hard and crucial and well, I have no idea where he is right now in his recovery, but every day I just hope he is well. Our relationship was rocky, but nevertheless, I stayed by his side because I believed in him...however, he (just like you girlfriend) needs to do it on her own. NOBODY can do it for them.
Big hugs from my heart to yours!
Find al Al Anon meeting or a therapist. They will be able to guide you in the right direction
Unfortunately there is only so much you can do and you have to respect her space/process. Truth to be told, the first 2 years are crucial for her and if she is really committed to her life, her focus has to be her program, not the relationship.
You will know what to do and always follow your heart and gut.
My exboyfriend of four years broke up with me after 76 days sober. It was hard and crucial and well, I have no idea where he is right now in his recovery, but every day I just hope he is well. Our relationship was rocky, but nevertheless, I stayed by his side because I believed in him...however, he (just like you girlfriend) needs to do it on her own. NOBODY can do it for them.
Big hugs from my heart to yours!
Find al Al Anon meeting or a therapist. They will be able to guide you in the right direction
Hi mv6348,
I hope this is not stealing this thread, but I something you said caught my attention. That your boyfriend broke up with you after entering recovery. You must have been hurt by this? My EX-AB broke it off with me 3 weeks ago after being in AA for 14 months. We had a hiatus for about a year, at my request, but were in contact and hung out and it was not easy. We were about to reconcile and then he went awol for several days and then broke it off with me abruptly and that is the last I heard from him. I am trying not to be hateful and angry and hurt and sad and broken hearted, but...well I am all those things. The truth is he probably did both of us a favor, but nevertheless....You seem understanding of his decision. Did it take you awhile to arrive at that kind of acceptance?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Her recovery is life and death for her. If she relapses, your relationship will be in jeopardy anyway. She is being honest enough to tell you she's concerned about her sobriety and keeping the relationship. Since her sobriety has to be #1, you really do need to give her the space she needs right now. If you guys are meant to work out, you will, but at a time when she's healthy enough to commit to it. Now is not that time.
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