fedupbeyondall

Why does every social event my AH and I get invited to have to involve alcohol? It never fails, we get an invite to go to a party or outing and alcohol is always involved. This weekend a local "fancy" strip mall is having a wine walk, where you pay for a glass and go store to store and get some food item and a sample or two of wine. I'm tempted to ask the majority of our social group to stop inviting us if alcohol is involved, yet I know I'll hardly ever see them. Most of the members of our small social circle are able to control themselves and know when they've had enough and stop. One couple in particular does not have that ability. I'm opting not to attend this event and I'm sure the AH will be pouty about that as his designated driver won't be there.

Not sure what I'm looking for here, just needed to vent.

LexieCat

"Thanks for the invite, but I have plans." All you need to say.

You're just experiencing that urge to control.

fedupbeyondall

Oh most certainly I am. If we don't get invited the AH won't go, won't pressure me to go and be the DD, and I won't have to put up with him being his usul ahole self in public. So, yeah I'm desperately trying to control the situation. But if he wants to go, he can go I'm not stopping him. I just won't go and not going to be his taxi service.

fedupbeyondall

My not going accomplishes all those goals as well........and I don't have to control what the AH chooses to do.

SparkleKitty

I take a LOT of grief at my job for opting out of the alcohol-themed social events, including being accused of calling in "conveniently sick" -- as if it makes any sense at all that I would call in sick to avoid going to a PARTY. AND EVEN IF I DID, that it would make sense to COMPLAIN about it. "Sure, she's here whenever we need her to do work, but she always calls in sick when we go out and get trashed and act like inappropriate a$$holes -- what's that about??"

fedupbeyondall

You are such a buzzkill Sparkle. I mean really. To go harshing on people who "Just want to have fun". (total sarcasm btw)

What I'm not getting is why this group of friends thinks they have to drink all the time. Except for one couple they aren't alcoholics that I'm aware of, and we spend enough time around them to know. And it's not that they consume to get drunk even when they do drink. But we cannot seem to do anything without alcohol being involved. I've never been a drinker myself, even when I was younger. I would have 3 or 4 and I was done, (kind of a lightweight I suppose). But even that stopped once I hit 22ish. Neither of my parents are alcoholics no one in my immediate family is either. The only relation I have to addiction is tobacco, and my whole family has had their struggle with that.

Anyways, the AH doesn't want to go now so I guess issue averted either way.

LexieCat

Yeah, what kind of a team player ARE you, anyway!? Sheesh.

lillamy

I was invited to a wine tasting that would benefit the local women's shelter. I was like "are you kidding me?" It reminded me of that old 70s slogan "fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity" -- really, you're going to raise money to support a shelter for women who are running away from abusive alcoholics (almost always) by serving alcohol?

DreamsofSerenity

I hate how everything involves alcohol too..Its prevalence has turned me into a practical recluse. I don't want to drink, or be around people who are drinking, so it's easier to just stay home. My yoga events don't involve alcohol so I do go to those. It's so different having a conversation with someone who actually remembers it the next time they run into you!

Fedup, I don't blame you for wanting to avoid that event your are describing. But I think you need to ask yourself if you would want to go alone or with a non-alkie friend. If the answer is yes, I'm not sure you should avoid it just because your AH is going to get wasted and act like an a$$. Wouldn't that be letting his drinking control your life? I don't know. It's a tough one. Maybe you could tie him to a chair and go by yourself.

DreamsofSerenity

Just read your second post that AH doesn't want to go now.. Tie him to a chair anyway.

fedupbeyondall

I think daddy Fedup should just ground him. He didn't clean his dinner plate last night, I think that's justifiable grounds.

As to your question of would I go if I were going with a non alchie friend.....well I don't think I would enjoy it. I wouldn't drink, and certainly wouldn't want to be around a bunch of people who have done nothing but drink wine for the past 2 hours.

But, tying Mr. Wonderful to a chair on a regular basis does sound fun. LOL

fedupbeyondall

Oh my. That would be like funding an anti violence campaign with a boxing match.

PETA raising funds via a dog fight

Oh man that would blow my mind. Did anyone point out the bitter irony of their idea?

lillamy

you know, you may be a fundraising genius!

dandylion

Wellll, I do think there is a matter of going to extremes. If people want to spend their m oney on winetasting, I would gladly accept it to support the woman's shelter. I wouldn't hold a kegger to support the woman's shelter--on the other hand.

My problem with winetasting events is not so much the wine (although I don't like it), as it is having to talk to those, mostly, boring and "affected" people!

dandylion

HopefulinFLA

LMAO! That's a great idea....hmmm

HopefulinFLA

I don't drink much anymore, maybe a drink or two on New Years Eve or an occasional glass of wine with a friend. I stopped years ago when AH decided to quit to support him. (How much more difficult can quitting be when you're wife is out getting sloshed with your friends right?) When I do decide to socialize with friends at a bar I get harassed with questions like "What are you drinking?" and "How come you're not drinking?" "Oh come on, you can have a beer right?".

Why is it such a big deal what I do or don't drink? I can have a perfectly good time with a soda or bottle of water AND I get up early and feel great the next day. Social drinking just takes up so much time, both the act of doing it and the getting over it the next day.

Anyone here live in Florida? Maybe we could have a Kool Aid Keg party?!

unsureoffuture

I'm in FL, the kool aid keg sounds fun or maybe lemonade or sweet tea ,lol .

I have the opposite dilemma because I like to drink socially but stopped to support ADH. I really want to have a drink sometimes when we are out but don't to "set a good example" for him and be supportive. I in no way have any problem with alcohol and really only drink once every few months now. However, alcohol has caused so much pain and anguish in my life I feel guilty when I do even though I only have one or two beers. I too notice everything revolves around alcohol socially when you are an adult. It's frustrating.

wolfpackfan45

I drank in college and then outgrew it. I haven't been much of a drinker for around 20 years. Maybe a drink at Christmas or a few at a wedding. Maybe. I just don't care for the taste and don't see the big fun in it. We had a group of friends who had to have alcohol at every event and no one ever said anything to me about the fact that I was just drinking soda. No one really paid attention. And I personally just didn't (and still don't) care if they were drinking and I wasn't. As time went by our group of friends changed and now I see that most people really aren't out there drinking at every event. I started looking around in restaurants after my son developed a problem ( I suppose because i was sensitive about alcohol at that point) and I noticed that a lot of the diners weren't having drinks with their meal. And when I looked around at other events where there was alcohol I could always find some folks who weren't drinking. I think it's according to who your social contacts are. We've got a large groups of friends who don't drink at all or rarely drink. My son on the the hand is 22 and still in college. He's surrounded by it all the time. His girlfriend actually decorated a cooler for him to take tailgating which he fills with Gatoraid and Coke. He seems ambivalent about the fact that most of the other students are partying constantly. He told me that AA and his sponsor told him to be ambivalent about alcohol. They've taught him to be neutral and have no opinion whatsoever about it and ignore it. Pretty good advice I think. Sometimes we want what we can't have and feel we're missing out on.

FireSprite

South Fl here - did I hear something about sweet tea??? Count me in!

fedupbeyondall

Oh man, no one makes sweet tea out here. Well makes it properly. They will bring me a glass of tea and some sugar packets.....cause that's the same thing...NOT!!! I don't miss Florida but I do miss Sonny's BBQ and their sweet tea! We need to figure out how to ship these things to Colorado.