brightstar43

I'm obsessing about my ex, conversations and past scenarios keep coming into my mind. This is a hard night. My kids are at thir dads and I usually go to my cousins but she's working tonight. The thing is why do I even want to be itch the loser? All he does is treat me as second best. Why is it so hard to break away from toxic relationships? It's been a few weeks now and I want to be better.

Tuffgirl

You won't just magically "be better" one day...put some work into it now.

Start a journal - write down all the horrible things he did to you. When you get the urge to be with him, take it out and read it.

When you start obsessing - stop those thoughts by redirecting yourself and your attention elsewhere. Get a new hobby, watch a movie, read a book. Anything that takes your thoughts off your obsessions.

You really do control your thoughts.

brightstar43

Last week I felt better. Was remortgaging house so had to paint and do some repairs for the survey so my attention was focused on that. I've got a cold this week and not much planned. Just seems like hard work all the time to keep the focus on my life. He's just doing the same old same old not a care in the world

Wavy

It IS hard work at first to keep the focus on you, because you are so used to keeping it on someone else. It will take many many times of gently redirecting your thoughts for it to start to feel natural to you, I'm sorry to say likely much more than a few weeks, its still early days. I wish there was an easy path, but the only way is through. You can do this!

Have you tried any AlAnon meetings? The might be able to give you some ideas of how to cope and a telephone list of kind, understanding people to call for exactly when you feel like this.

lizw

I get the obsessional thinking too. If I am tired it is chronic and I can struggle to know what is truth and what I am making up. It's like a form of torture. I find reading recovery literature or listening to recovery speakers helps.