Lost3000

I'm working with someone who seemed to really get Step 1. I was just about to move on when she said, I went to this bachellorette party in Vegas, I was nervous about it, and so I drank non-alc beer. Then she looks at me in caution, as if waiting for me to reprimand her.

Well, first of all, I'm not her mommy, and I'm not going to reprimand anyone - this is her recovery. However, the fact that she drank non-alc beer isn't what bothered me, it was more the fact that she reached for it when feeling uncomfortable.

I feel that Step 1 is about acceptance. Now I'm thinking she really doesn't have Step 1. And I really don't know where to go from here. My sponsor and I read the BB together, which is what I plan on doing with this girl on our next meeting, and then me and my sponsor would do whatever the BB said to do step-wise.

What do you all think?

DayTrader

Personally, I think step 1 is THE toughest to get. I don't think I get it fully most of the time (evidenced by action that's not aligned with someone who believes their life to be unmanageable) .

What you can do is continue to be the best example of a recovered alcoholic you can be for her. You can share your experience / what you've seen re. na-beer, and you can encourage her to continue to grow in her recovery.

artsoul

It sounds like this might be something to bring up with her in your next meeting(?) It could be that she hasn't given any thought to whether NA beer might be a trigger for her. Maybe it's not wanting to drink, but more of an attempt to fit in?

Any time I can identify things like that in myself it really helps strengthen my recovery. Frankly, I think I'd be more concerned about her putting herself in risky places/situations, but I understand not wanting to miss something like a wedding.

It's great that you're helping her!

paul99

I agree on this being the toughest one. I thought that once I started on the steps and eventually got to amends, and then the growth steps, etc. that step 1 was nailed. Oh was I ever wrong! Any time I balk at a step, whenever I dodged an amend, or when I don't think I need to do a nightly review or when I feel that I don't need to write some inventory over something that is disturbing me, it all boils down to either a Step 3 issue, or if I dig further, a Step 1 issue.

I was out of sort a few weeks back - thinking that perhaps I didn't need to be working the program as I had been...slacking, really - and I texted an old-timer on my way to work (i was riding my bike) telling him what was going on with me. He read my "plight" (ha ha) and texted back: "Do Steps 1 and 2. Maybe 3". Then about 5 seconds later, he added "Now." And so I did - pulled over, and quickly reminded myself that I can't, He can and I will let Him. Said the 3rd step prayer right there in the middle of the business district, and moved on. I felt lighter as I pedalled. I needed that reminder. And the old timer texted back later "I still have to remind myself, even after all this time, about step 1". It was quite a wonderful experience, and it taught me that I just don't do it once and get over it. I have to remind myself of these things and not get too comfortable.

Anyway, I think that what was said about being an example is probably the best way - a demonstration of living the program is attraction.

Great post and great working with a newcomer!

CAPTAINZING2000

the difference between drinking real beer wine or what ever my intent was usually to catch a buzz. I just over shot the run way when, it came to stopping. I'm more prone to worry about people drinking cough syrup and mouth wash if, they want to drink something with alcohol and delude themselves into thinking they're not trying to catch a buzz.

On most posts when someone asks if they should, I'd say no to them if they have to ask. Just my opinion on it. I question Bill W's use of LSD as well same goes for medical pot. That's just me though. I personally don't care what other people are doing unless they ask for help and advice. I don't dish it out an I believe to thine own self be true

Boleo

I agree with Clarence Snyder in that we only need to do the first 9 steps once (unless we relapse). I have found that there is enough going on in steps 10 - 12 to last me a life time.

"This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Love and tolerance of others is our code."

Lost3000

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I questioned the non-alc beer because of the way she stated it and the look she gave me. She made the statement but it had an inflection in her tone that turned it into a sort of question, and she raised her eyebrows and looked at me as if to say, well?

I really didn't know what to say about it. I had to give it some thought.

I still think it's an issue. Whether it be wanting to fit in, or wanting something similar to our usual drink. It seems to be a step 1 issue to me. Accepting the fact that we are drunks, cannot drink, and cannot drink again. If someone fully accepts that, I don't see how they'd want a non-alc beer, or why they'd feel the need to "fit in". Although I do understand the feeling of "odd man out", in which case, it'd be time for me to get away, or not embark on a trip like that. I also get the wedding trip being important. Sometimes though, important or not, we have to say no in order to protect our sobriety.

I do not believe she is willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. She is currently in the process of blowing off our appointment today, and if that happens, I am going to have to make a decision. There are plenty of others out there who are in need of help, and want the help.

Mark75

Intent.

Complicated and only can be answered by the individual, I think. Though, sponsors probably should discourage NA beer, especially at first, because, it is hard for them to know.... the intent. And it's not life sustaining to drink it, or anything.

CAPTAINZING2000

+1

Lost3000

Yes, I agree. I didn't discourage or encourage. We didn't talk about it as much as I wanted to, but then again, this is her sobriety. I think a lot of times we ourselves know when something isn't right, and then we make our decision.

pinkdog

I had a friend who was recovering from alcohol. He said the non-alcohol beers made his cravings worse for regular beer. He also found out that they contain .3 - .5 alcohol. So he decided not to have them. When everyone else was drinking, I would just drink soda. Good for you helping them, if they ask. Sobriety is a much better life.

Lost3000

I can see going there, why bother with the non-alc when you can just reach for the real thing? Seems a little too close for comfort for me. When I first quit I was drinking all kinds of things, I really liked the fizzy stuff. I was drinking carbonated fruit drinks, like Welch's grape juice, stuff like that. I was really guzzling stuff. I've finally relaxed and now I drink when I want to, when I'm actually thirsty!

I have cooking wine I use sometimes but it's not an issue for me. Now if it was a bottle of wine on my counter, that'd be different. Beer was never my thing, and last winter I continued to use the small amount of beer in my chili. It just doesn't taste the same without it!

I really feel it's a psych thing. I mean, no issue with cooking wine, but a huge issue if I'm out with friends and order non-alcholic vodka (hahaha, don't think that exists) or martinis. Too close for comfort for me.

Lost3000

I guess what I'm saying is that after being sober awhile, it's one thing if you truly love the taste of non-alc beer. And I do wonder about the small amt of booze in it. But I find it quite another thing if you are 2 weeks sober and reach for it. You know?

Mark75

Right, exactly... NA beer doesn't taste all that good anyway.

Lost3000

I know. I thought I loved the taste of booze, all booze, but really that was just another lie I liked to tell myself to cover up the fact that I couldn't quit, and that I needed to bliss out. Booze was easiest because it's readily available and socially acceptable. But I could have just as easily chosen anything else, drugs, etc.