SophieB

Just wondering if anyone else has this feeling??.. I'm over 8 months sober and I still feel like the people in my life, are suspicious that I'm drinking and it really gets to me at times.

They don't really say anything but looks they give me, questions etc. Sometimes I try and alter my behavior -Don't want to act to happy -Don't want to seem to sad- Just try and act normal whatever that is...

Makes me very anxious and angry

Any thoughts?

Dee74

I think most of us have felt that way Sophie.

The only thing I can tell you is keep doing the right thing and sooner or later people should come around to trusting you again...

If they don't, there's not a lot we can do about it - it's really their problem, not yours.

D

SophieB

Thanks Dee.. I know that deep down but uuuhh!,, ... Sometimes I just want to scream. Stop it!!,

That was then this is now, I know it will just take time but very frustrating

Sophie

Hevyn

Yes, Sophie - I was like that for about a year. I do think I imagined some of it. I agree with what Dee said - it's their problem and their loss. You're doing great - wonderful job on your 8 months.

UnixBer

Yes, that's a familiar feeling. I guess the thing is that when it happens, when people show signs of viewing you as a drinker, it brings the past to mind somehow. I've felt regretful some times because it reminds of how many stupid things I did in the past. Giving the wrong image of self to others is one thing too.

I've somehow noticed that this very thing is perfect ground for the addiction/addicted part to get at you. And the emotional and mental reaction to those situtations is a bit overkill, and that might be the ploy in the subconscious somehow to cause excuses (thoughts) to drink etc.
That's why I've learned to accept people's views on this in a way that is doesn't cause me any frustration. The fact is people are people and they have propably not learned yet that you are one of the sober, or something like that.

So I don't get angry or frustrated anymore at anyone who shows such signs or gestures, because I know it is only human for them to do so.

GracieLou

Yes, I have had this. For some unknown reason my mother asked me three times last week if I was okay or if everything was okay. I felt I was the same. I did not do anything different. My schedule was the same as is has been for months.

I dunno..lol

visch1

In my case I understand the questioning as my past with all the "I'm sorrys" wore out and came to be another lie. I think only time and example will repair it. BE WELL

hayley86

Hi Sophie,
I am nearly 10 months sober now and no one questions my behavior or what i do anymore because they know i am sober, very focused and they trust me. I do however feel like i overcompensate for my past behaviors by explaining why i am having a particularly happy / bad day sometimes. I feel like i need to do this in case people worry that i may drink.

I used to sometimes find myself leaving my soft drinks half finished too so people knew that i had not been drinking. I don't do that now. I think because i spent so long sneaking around i feel like i sometimes go overboard with explaining things to people now. I know these are my issues and not theirs and i think this will get less with time.

wiscsober

Sophie congratulations.

What other people think of me is none of my business.

You are doing well.

hypochondriac

Yeah I understand paranoia. I think I have always suffered from this to a certain extent. When I was drinking I was paranoid that everyone knew and now I am sober I am paranoid that everyone thinks I am over reacting. I hate to say it though but I have come to realise that it is not all about me. Most people don't spend there waking hours wondering about my drinking habits. It is best to concentrate on how you feel about what you are doing rather than worrying about what other people think x

Mountainmanbob

just keep doing the right thing
it takes a long time sometimes, for the ones around us
to realize that yes, they are staying sober no matter what
and
they learn to trust and accept us just the way in which we are
for all involved
this sobriety thing takes time to trust, believe in and understand

God please grant me patience
and
grant it to me now

MB

awuh1

I have one suggestion. When you are sad, be sad. When you are happy be happy. Pretending not to feel emotions may be a bit transparent to others, and cause them to doubt your sincerity. It’s then just a small step to doubting if you are 100% sober.

Strive to be as honest and genuine as you can be. They’ll come around.

SophieB

Thanks so much everyone... I cannot control what everyone thinks only what I do.

I guess I just have to show them not tell them..

Just a little distrubing when everyone wants to taste my drink .. which is selter mixed with lemonade, tea , juice etc..

Im like ok but I can make you one of your own Hee..

Whatever..:0

Mountainmanbob

that is best Sophie -- just walk the walk

kind of off the wall that they want to taste your drinks
but
if we think about it maybe it is understandable
I had to rebuild a lot of trust back
with my wife, family, neighbor's and friends
and it took time
I really didn't care that some didn't trust me in early sobriety
knowing each day that I was sober was most important to me
and still is today
being sober is where the good life begins
then
we just need to keep it

easy to deceive ourselves --------------- yet again


MB

MatildaRose

Well done Sofia. I too am tired of my friends giving me that once over look to see if I have been drinking. I rarely ever drank in public so few ever saw me drunk. Somehow because I freely admit that I'm in recovery that are quick to think if I am late for something or post something silly on FaceBook because I'm in a good mood they think I'm drunk??? I am just being happy to be sober and intend on staying that way.

Tang

People have complained I am too serious when I'm sober. I'm getting to that point where I just don't care what they think.

wolfpackfan45

I'm in Al Anon because my 22 year old son is a recovering alcoholic. I never understood what people meant when they said alcoholism is a family disease until my son developed a drinking problem. It wreaks havoc on the whole family. My son never understood the worry, pain, and anxiety he put us through because he was too drunk to know. My husband aged 10 years in a year. It's so difficult to trust again after you've been lied to and you've seen the damage done. I've learned in AlAnon to not ask about his recovery or whether he's drinking or not again. I can say as a parent it's very, very difficult to do.Many family members become obsessed with the alcoholic and their drinking. It becomes such a worry that they can think of nothing else. And the fear of relapse once they're sober is another whole issue. Your family has to recover too. And it takes time. What has helped me the most is by getting involved in AlAnon and working the 12 steps too.