serenityforever

I would of had 14 days today. Yesterday my Dad watched the kids and I ran out to get dog food. Well, right next to the store was a liquire store. Instead of just ignoring it and going on my merry way, I stopped and got some irish cream...drank the bottle and went home. I had a counseling apt last night but of course I cancelled because I had been drinking and proceeded to buy a bottle of vodka and i sat in my car and drank two red bulls and vodka.

I am so angry at myself and feel like such a failure. I want to go to AA but my husband is not being supportive of that. He thinks I should just be able to stop and makes me feel bad that I am taking time away from the family. On the other hand if he new I was drinking he would divorce me. When I first relapsed I told him and he kicked me out of the house.

I don't feel like counseling is helping very much. I may end that and try to go to one AA meeting a week.

Thanks for listening. I am hoping and praying that this is my last Day 1

visch1

Hi and welcome back. Many of the reactions we have are because our ism, which I call the shite fairy is there giving us bad information about drinking like it's not that bad, just have one, it will calm me and on and on. Try training ourselves not to obey it. We also need to get sober for ourselves and not people, places or things. AA has helped millions and has a seat for you. You won't like this but 30 meetings in 30 days are SUGGESTED, no rules. All we have to do is just listen, no sign up lists needed but I'd suggest getting phone #s from other WOMAN as a good starter. A huge help to getting sober is being honest with our self. BE WELL

jazzfish

It can be near impossible to discuss alcoholism with someone who has not experienced it. "Why don't you just stop?" I have heard that many times and my answer is "I don't know." Whatever the reason is, I don't have it.

There seems to be a disconnect between your husband wanting to you quit and you doing what you need to in order to succeed in quitting. Maybe offer to try AA for a month and if it works extend for another. Once he sees something working he may become more supportive.

Of course, it is your program of recovery and you don't need his permission for the way you choose. I am learning that it is not good for me to choose to remain in misery so I meet the expectations of others.

noexcuse

For me, one AA meeting a week would not be enough. There is strength, stability, calmness, and serenity in those rooms. My life in early sobriety is a total clusterf***. I need those rooms to find peace and comfort within myself. Anyone who stands in my way of that is going to get knocked over.

least

I hope this can be your last day one.

bloss

Try again, don't drink today, no matter what. Don't give up!

serenityforever

You guys are the best. I am just feeling so down on myself and scared that I can't do it. I was sober for 6 years and it was easy and I felt great about my sobriety and took such pride in it. What happened? I did enjoy AA. I went to a womens group once a week and it really helped but I never worked the steps. Can you do that on your own without going to AA. I have the Big Book and the Steps book.

EndGameNYC

Can you learn to make what may be one of the biggest and most important changes in your life on your own? Can you make this change without continuous support? This is what you're asking.

Under your terms of engagement, you'd be doing this with little support from a husband who, as you wrote, would leave you were he to find out about your drinking. You'd be attempting this with the knowledge that this plan has already failed you.

I don't know if anyone has worked AA's Big Book Twelve Steps on their own at home. If people have done this successfully, I'd probably never meet them, and there's a good chance they don't talk about it with most people anyway.

Although it may help some people to just read the Book and the Steps, the Big Book is not designed and was not intended to be a self-help book.

What I read in your comments is that you're prepared to stop using counseling, can't or won't go to AA, except for maybe four meetings a month, and that you're struggling with relapsing. I don't see a plan to get the help you need.

As was true for me, many people report that coming back after a relapse is much more difficult than previous attempts at sobriety. I stayed sober and without cravings for twenty five years. When I came back to AA, I struggled hour-to-hour to stay sober for nearly a full year, and I couldn't have done it without consistent, daily help. For me, getting involved in the program of recovery in AA, the Big Book Twelve Steps, was the only thing that worked for me.

If you've decided that AA isn't for you, then there are several alternatives, many of which are posted on this site. If you do choose AA, the AA Big Book advises against your plan to use their program of recovery in the way you describe: "Half measures availed us nothing." Meaning, you give recovery in AA a half-hearted effort, you will not get five, ten or fifty percent of the benefits. You will get nothing.

I needed all the help I could get after I relapsed. Very few people can achieve sobriety without help, and lots of it. Find your own way, but also please find a way to do this with help.