Scotgirl79

Hi I'm on day 3 now. The problem is I tend to cave between now and day 5 . I really can't mind being past day 5 in 2 years! Ok this time I am really trying tho. I was dying for some wine last night I did find the craving finally pissed off. But today and the next few days ill be tested. Feel free to kick my backside to keep me on track! I hate being weak :/

FreddyBear

Hey Scotgirl,

Can you tell why are you trying to quit? Have you done something horrible while drunk, or just tired of being sick every morning? Reminding yourself or maybe writing it down may help.

Scotgirl79

I've done lots of things while drunk. Started drinking after being depressed after having my third child. I never drank before that. My husband for a few yrs was difficult to say the least so I also drank to deal with the situation at home which led on to me cheating on him or throwing him out so I could be single. That progressed to drinking more and taking pills. The pills stopped not touched them in 5 yrs but I ob still drink. Things with hubby are fine now I didn't realise he had issues stemming from his child hood till he got help and finally the way he had been stopped and he's been ok for the past year. I still do horrible things while drunk tho. Nothing crazy just things that I wish I hadn't done. I'm such a proud person sober and tend to let myself down while drunk. Which is as I can see like most people on here too. I can't live like that anymore but all I can see is my life like that?? I keep saying to him " how the hell did I end up like this?" I feel I've lost my personality who was someone so straight down the line and knew her own mind to what I am now a loose cannon some nights . Eurgh just horrible :/

apophylite

You can do this, even if its really tough imagine how great you'll feel when you get into your second week. No pain no gain and all that

Scotgirl79

No I know I'd feel brilliant for it! Being so far at the beginning it feels years away. All I can see is days of boredom and misery. I had a rotten horrible depressing hangover the other day and yet again I swore that's bloody it no more! Trying to hang on to that feeling! As I was miserable as sin then, one of the worst!

FreddyBear

It seems you had a lot of going on for you and need some outlet. Maybe trying to talk more to your husband can help? I wish I had someone to talk to, and your relationship with your hubby seems to improve. Spend at least one hour a week talking about your problem, make plans together so you won't have so much time by youself. You are not doing crazy things YET, but they can happen as your intake increase.

I was (am) an everyday drinker and haven't done anything crazy until 2011, when my alcoholism progressed to a new blackout level and I began to drive totally plastered, calling people on the phone and insulting them, getting involved in bar fights, losing a great gf and a couple of good friends.

Scotgirl79

I've done the driving drunk and on drugs racing my mate thinking it was funny with folk in my car. Prob about 7 yrs ago now when I was 26 orso. I'm at the point now that I'm blacking out and telling people to F off when we are just normally chatting on Facebook, friends I've not hung about for years but have just started ganging out again and there prob thinking omg she's psycho now what the hell? Then I have to go through the whole mortifying apology and then face them next time we are together and they've no said a word to hubby so he doesn't know. I try to talk him but he's heard it all before now just tells me he's fed up or in the odd occasion I can easily kick this. I've got a great best mate who listens but I suspect she's on the same lines with alcohol herself. How are you getting on with things yourself now?

FreddyBear

Trying to identify the triggers and manage them. Mine are severe social anxiety and boredom. As a first step, I write down all things I do while drunk. On the next list of paper I write down my plans for a week and for each day so I have a good reason to wake up with a clear head. I call this working on sobriety. Heard of an adage: "failing to plan is planning to fail". Last Friday I had nothing to do and gone on a 2 day bender involding all the old ****.

SA thing is harder to manage, but I accept it for now. Not everyone is created to become a social butterfly and hang out with tons of friends all the time. Sometimes I call my sober friend and we go play some billiard once or twice a week. This is enough.

Scotgirl79

Ill actually maybe try that. I'm reading the Jason vale book as well this now.it so far is pretty dam good.
I think I drink through well boredom / stress / plus to chill me out. I find that when I do drink wine I actually sit down and enjoy gaming again or tv if I don't drink I can't chill as my brain is at thousand mile an hour:/ when I do drink I think " oh sod it!! Stuff can wait!!" I've started archery a wee while back as I've lost myself in being a mum and don't have any hobbies now bar gaming so once I've my own gear I'm hoping the more I'm doing that and hopefully competing the less I need to rely on drink to stop my boredom! Well that's the plan anyway!

Dee74

stay close to SR scotgirl - and post here when you feel you're vulnerable or in trouble...use us...reach out for support

D

FreddyBear

Are you in sports just a little bit? Maybe you can find some spare time in the morning to exercise at some fitness facility. I was never into sports, pretty fat due to my beer consumption. Started at 31 and it steadily getting better. Most important, it adds structure to a day and a reason to wake up not hungover. I even hired a personal trainer today so he will wait me at 11 in the morning, it's way cheaper than my drunk adventures anyway.

Scotgirl79

Thanks dee for that matey. Ive a treadmill at home freddy. I did use to do sports in my younger years, hockey and tennis used to love mountain biking. Im doing a sport but its the lazy dudes sport lol. I try use my treadmill now for a long time it made a cracking clothes horse, but i know once ive been on for an hour orso it clears my head massively. This morning tho, I can't get my backside into gear, have a right fuzzy head for some reason, which is bizarre as i havent drank for two nights and i slept brilliant last night. Thats good you have done that mate, it'll help you i bet loads. I think as well once your seeing results from your efforts it keeps up the momentum. I know ive put on weight as well and its not like i sit stuffing my face so its def the vino. Have you found its helped you a bit being motivated sports wise? I hear it does really help some folk.

FreddyBear

Yes, I'm losing weight and getting in shape. This somewhat helps with self esteem and motivates. Hopefully it will become a routine for a long time.

Treadmill at home is great, but my point was to go out. Better yet, have an appoinment with a trainer or some women classes like biking or yoga, they usually don't charge extra. So you will be bound to a schedule.

Scotgirl79

Yeah I'll maybe do that. I'm kind of hooked on my archery this now so I'm hoping once I've paid the insurances and finished the course in it ill be at it a few times a week. But I know no weight will be lost in it . Def worth a wee think tho about doing something else. Ty for that matey