gatorgirl67

My story...I'm a 46 year old mom of two amazing children, 14 and 12. I divorced my verbally abusive ex-H of 19 years, five years ago. I have a great job, just bought my own home, and have a wonderful boyfriend of almost two years. I have known I had an alcohol problem for quite some time, but never tried to quit. My bio-dad, who I hardly knew was an alcoholic and my mother drank heavily during my youth and early adult-hood. I remember promising myself that when I had children, I would quit drinking, so I would never embarass them, they way I was embarassed by my mom's drunkiness. She is fine now, started a new life with my awesome step-dad, and rarely drinks, and then only one or two. I drink wine every evening, sometimes two bottles, sometimes I blackout. I've never missed work because of drinking, nor has it ever threatened my job. Actually, no one has ever talked to me about my drinking, it's just my drty little secret. I'm just tired of it controlling my life...always making sure it is available, and a little bit panicky if I may run out. I haven't gone to sleep sober in over two years.

I have this wonderful new life that I have made for me and my kids and just feel more out-of-control everyday. I haven't talked to anyone about this before, because I didn't want to be held accountable. I have seen a therapist for 15+ years for other issues; bulimia, sexual abuse, marriage issues. But I only mentioned it to her in one session, but wasn't honest with my use.

Anyway, today I made the choice to stop and I'm really kind of scared, because I don't want to fail, also don't want to admit that this thing has that kind of control over MY life. So, it's been 13 hours since my last sip of wine last night. I get my kids back today for the week and I plan to find joy in them this evening to fill that vino void.

wiscsober

gatorgirl67

You will find a lot of support here at SR.

With AA, Alanon, and SR I have a great support system.

You sound like a very loving person and wonderful mom.

Stopping drinking may be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.

I think strongly one doesn't fail in recovering from alcoholism or drug addiction.

You may want to take a few online tests (from reputable medical sites) to see where you are at with alcoholism....at least from what you posted you are a problem drinker.

My very best to you....the amount of experiences, advice, support here is overwhelming and priceless.

Stay awhile....pulling for you!

360shoes

Hi Gatorgirl!
Welcome! That was a great introduction. Good for you for just coming out with it. I know it sure felt good to me to find a place where I could be honest and share with other people who knew how it felt.

I too have a pretty nice life but for whatever reason did the evening wine bottle thing too for way too long. I also fibbed about how much I really drank. Until I had a couple of instances where it got dangerous. As in fall, to my head. Ugh.

I have found SR to be a great help to me and I have met some really nice people from all over the world who get me.

Welcome!!

gatorgirl67

Thank you for your kind words, Wiscsober...I've been visiting this site since last week. The helpfulness and encouragement have really made me take a hard look at myself and my life. I don't want to miss anymore of it in a buzzed state.

Now1000

Welcome to you Gatorgirl and very well done for making the decision to get back on track with a healthier way of life. One tip for the start which is helpin me right now (am on day 10), make sure you plan some activities for your evenings, for example play games with the kids, launch yourself into a research project on the Internet, read books, visit or invite (non-drinking) friends over for a chat, go out for a walk etc. Basically distract your brain from your drinking habits in the evenings as much as possible. Even avoid sitting at the same place as you normally would. Watch tv while cycling on an exercise bike?... Then feel how good it is to go to bed sober and wake up 'fresh' the following morning for the first time. Feel how your body thanks you for that everyday. This is how I see it and I feel very very proud of myself, clear head, energy and new ideas, fantastic! Maybe join a local support group too (not necessarily AA, there are others out there)?

Keep us posted!

gatorgirl67

Now1000, thanks for the great tips and ideas. Makes total sense!!

wiscsober

NOW1000 thank you for a great post....things I have to remember to do daily....congrats. on day 10!

Now1000

Gatorgirl67, I'm a mum too, busy work, great hubby etc, so I can relate to you and would be happy to share a bit of your journey with you if it helped. I have craving in the evening mainly between 5 and 7, in waves (I get quite edgy) but I know they always go away and it is so much easier if you're busy concentrating on something else during that time.
I see the whole thing as a really positive experience, like an exciting challenge and a new mindset really. I have a wedding to attend soon, so this will be an opportunity to enjoy my new me and have a great time sober, which is actually totally possible! Plus, you don't need to spend any money on taxis and the final bill at the bar is soooo much lighter too. So at the end of the month, calculate the savings and splash out on a day out with the kids, cinema, new fitness class or anything else fulfilling and special!

Tonight, you could watch 'Rain in my heart' on youtube... Not saying you'll identify (hope not) but very well produced documentary, extremely poignant.

gatorgirl67

Now1000, yes, I think we have a lot in common...thank you so much for the encouraging words and tips. I love your attitude and think my life could be so much more fulfilling without mind-altering behavior. Feel really good about it right now, but the real test will be tonight. I think the 5-7pm time will be a struggle, but there is none in the house. From your experience, did you have any withdrawal or sleep issues at the start?

RyanKelly

First of all, please know how sincerely happy I am for you and your new life. It sounds like things are really going your way with your great kids and boyfriend. I strongly support you in your choice to stop drinking.

Please, please, please be careful suddenly stopping that level of alcohol consumption abruptly. Per your initial post, it sounds like you have been drinking quite a lot for quite a long time. You are where I was a year ago....when I had been drinking......a lot......everyday.....for a very long time....and suddenly stopped, went into withdrawals and delirium tremens, had a seizure and nearly died.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I am just concerned for you. It is my opinion that it might be best to consult your physician before abruptly stopping. He can prescribe medications that might help you stay out of withdrawal and minimize your risk of seizure.

Congratulations on your incredibly positive decision. You will reap untold rewards the rest of your life. I care about the people on here and that they don't suffer the same fate as I did with withdrawal, delirium tremens, seizure, and subsequently a broken shoulder.

gatorgirl67

RyanKelly, thank you for your encouragement and concern. Maybe I should call my therapist and be bluntly honest and ask for her help. I just rememebered that I was on an antibiotic last year for five days, that would have made me violently ill if I drank even one drink. Went cold turkey, with no side effects at all, back then.

Thank you!!!

least

to SR! You'll find lots of support here.

maureen14

Keep posting and reading.
I just got here. Gotta check in all the time is how I am disciplining myself.

Now1000

I've not had any withdrawal or sleep issues but the sensation of craving in the early evening, which is really not bad when you think of the more serious problems some may experience. Good luck to you!

Louise82

Welcome, gatorgirl67! I too got tired of alcohol controlling my life. You've made a great decision in choosing to break free now.

gatorgirl67

Now1000, thanks for the info. Almost 5:00 here, about to leave work. Hoping for a relaxing evening with the kids...and a good night's sleep tonight!!

DrunkenBob

Way to go gatorgirl!

I totally understand Ryan's concern about DT's. I was really concerned for myself when I started towards sobriety. I decided to cut way back for a couple of nights just to be sure. I had been drinking 8-10 drinks a night for 10+ years. Almost NEVER in the daytime however. I think that is important when considering DTs.

For two nights I had two drinks only. After that - I went cold turkey. I'm looking at day 4 today.

My only withdrawl-like symptoms have been TERRIBLE insomnia. Like virtually no sleep. Besides that and some sweaty nights - no shaking or anything.

I think it's always a good idea to consult your physician but just wanted to give you my experience so far.

I really do wish you luck!!!

gatorgirl67

Thanks Bob!! Every bit of info helps!!

Congrats on your great progress!!!

Dee74

Welcome gatorgirl - great to you join us

D

Hevyn

Pleased to meet you gatorgirl. I'm happy to see you're taking action before things are completely out of control. We know how hard it is in the early days - so it's good you joined us, it'll help.

Keeping busy to fill the void is a great plan. It sounds like you'll have plenty of distraction between your job & children. You can do it, gatorgirl. Be proud of yourself for making this life changing decision.