SoberMarathon

A brief story of 'inspiration' for those of us in early sobriety.

Last night, on just my 2nd alcohol-free day after relapsing on the weekend, I dragged myself to an AA meeting. The meeting itself was positive, I got some good feedback on my recent relapse, and I felt good coming out of there. On my hour long trip home which involved a long walk, a train, and a tram, I passed bar after bar, patio after patio, and beer ad after beer ad. It was pretty 'unfair' for someone trying to give up alcohol altogether. I felt sorry for myself and a little depressed, questioning why me?!

During the final leg of my trip, I was waiting at a tram stop when I noticed some probable homeless people laying on the ground under the shelter, one of which was a man being comforted by a women. I couldn't help but stare, intrigued by what could be wrong with this guy. After a few minutes of gazing into what are obvious effects of true alcohol abuse, I realized this guy had sh$t his pants. It was one of the most disgusting sights you can imagine. Eventually I watched him get up, drunk, and stumble himself off across the street.

Probably no more details are necessary. Nonetheless, if I was having any doubt about where alcohol could eventually take me, that doubt has now been clarified. As gross as it was to witness this sight, seeing this on my trip home from AA couldn't have been more timely!

thekl0wn

Funny how those little things are thrown into our paths at just the right time, isn't it?

I told a member of one my meetings that I was sorry, but that I use his life/story as a reminder of what I don't want to be. Dude has seen some ROUGH times, and was in a very similar situation not too long ago before finding AA... All with a similar start to my life. His response to my comment was classic, "You'd be a f***ing idiot if you didn't." That brash retort gave me the same feeling as normal people get when they see a little bunny.

MythOfSisyphus

When I see someone just completely plastered to the point of losing control of all bodily functions it really gives me a jolt. Part of me wants to go to them but I understand painfully well that the booze is a hole that only you can dig for yourself and only you can climb out of. All I can do is make sure I don't wind up in the hole with them.

visch1

Hi. To me that is a great remember when and shows what picking up that first drink can lead me to. Over the years I agree with the statement "we can't get anyone sober or drunk" all we can do is deliver the message. BE WELL

iwh

i didn't read the responses because having to read yours was enough.

it seems you think you will never be as bad as that and therefor you will keep drinking.

thanks for looking for attention on your alcoholism though.

MIRecovery

What I found was my standards just kept getting lower but I could alwsys justify my behavior. We can get off the elevator anytime but death is how too many get off

ippochick

i don't understand. was a response deleted or was this directed at the OP?

ersatzmatriarch

i think it is a wonderful gift of recovery to finally start to gain some clarity where we can see where we were, where we could end up, and why we don't want to continue on that path. no matter if the examples are small, awful, tragic, whatever... stopping long enough to acknowledge it is amazing.

i think the flipside is learning to stop and appreciate the positive examples of where we can go from here. that is also a gift. i am happy for you, sober... i believe that seeing the truth in this disease can only make us stronger, regardless of if the examples are of the lowest lows of active addiction, or the highest highs of recovery.

on a side note... that is quite a lot of travel you take to get to meetings... and i think it speaks volumes that you are willing to go to such lengths in your recovery. keep on keeping on!! way to go!

BabyJane

A good reminder and you're doing the right thing by hitting a meeting. It sounds like you're dedicated if you have to travel so far to get there, good for you. Don't let negativity get you down (I am referencing a previous posters response I find odd and not encouraging) just keep going. You can do this.

Mizzuno

Well, the circumstances behind this man's homelessness are unknown. However, with our addictive brains, we can most definitely find ourselves in horrible life situations if we continue to drink. I think that we can all see a part of ourselves in everyone. Keep fighting the good fight, one day at a time.

SoberMarathon

Not sure I get this response either?! Was this post intended as a response to mine or someone else's that was deleted?

iwh

it was directed at OP. i always try to keep my comments directed at the OP. it's great to get sidetracked too, but then we create a new thread.

wiscsober

Thank you for your long sober trip home.
Many days I complain about short bus rides to meetings.

Ooooh yeah those times I'd crap in my bedsheets and puke on the floor.
(Those days I don't complain about ... but tend to smack my palm to my forehead and think ewww yeah)

iwh

negativity get you down? it seemed to me he was making a joke of a suffering alcoholic, laughing about it and saying, well i'm better than that, i stepped over him to go to a meeting.

i will shut myself from further discussion of this because i live in a great city and there's someone on my corner that's been there for years & i have no idea how to reconcile that.

i just should not go into further discussion about this. we are all alcoholics! it's not a contest! i was looking at the BB when i said this would make the OP drink more, so yeah, i need to lay off that sometimes.

but bringing class, race, homeless bum, mental health issues into this... it seems like if the guy's got a load in his pants, it's not funny to me or society, yet WE keep walking over this person to get to our meetings.

i can not present an answer for this, but i did not find it funny. if you need to reach that low to feel better about yourself.... the richest man in the world could use a **** on too.

ippochick

i don't think the OP was making fun of anyone?

anyway, this is not my discussion to have. your response just struck me as an odd one.

SoberMarathon

Well I guess this was just misinterpretation then and it should be left at that. My post was not intended to make fun of anyone, by any means. There was a message that was important to me though, and this is why I shared. I thought that's what this site is about. Not about trying to get attention for being an alcoholic, I've certainly had plenty of bad attention for that in recent times. My point was this: here I am at a turning point in my life, trying to get past the bar scene, the patios, and simply all of the drinking. If there was any doubt why I am committed to this change and even going to AA, something i never would have considered in the past, its because of seeing with my own eyes where the drunken path was taking me - no offense to drunks on the streets but I certainly don't want to be one of them. I don't think that learning from others, whether at AA or from people covered in crap on the street is a bad thing! Apologies if you or anyone else found the post inappropriate.

iwh

you are correct, that's what this site is about. (actually, it's not but ok)

i was reading very much prior to reading your post about how when we see others who had it very bad with drinking, we often think well i'm not like that so i'm ok.

i was learning about these things by reading some of the 12 steps and traditions and basing my experience on the refrain from speaking 'war stories' by the experienced ones here. i'm trying to learn too!

it's much to discuss & realize i did not break it down in to sweet & easy language enough.

regardless, i can see that you are not feeling connected to that individual that shat himself and find agreement in the takes on 'war stories' that say that members may see this as an opportunity to say 'see, i'm not that bad'

also, it brings up a lot of social issues for me. i live in a big city. seeing these people is common for me. things get complicated from there.
anyway, it's never funny or entertaining when someone ***** their pants. there are many ways to respond to that.
anyway, it's a human being, pour some out for the homie, at the very least.

FeenixxRising

iuh, I believe you may have misinterpreted the OP's point. He wasn't suggesting he would never be as bad as the man he saw; therefore he could keep on drinking. Rather, the OP specifically said he knew he could very well end up like that man if he did not remain sober.

Also, from my reading, the OP was not making fun of the man.

wiscsober

I thought this was very well written, and it helped me tremendously with my recovery. I hope you write more personal experiences such as these....and it may be helpful if you blogged them. good for you.

iwh

yeah, this is a mess and partially my fault.

i walk by these people all the time & have one close where i live and the more i got into recovery was thinking why doesn't someone just do something about it. at the point of the guy near me it's like obvious to EVERYONE that this person NEEDS detox and he's been sleeping there for over 7 years!

ok, 'pardon me i've got some where to go', for over seven years? this is society? i'm sure the feelings run much deeper in him. i step over him when i go and come back from meetings!

i've tried to talk to him a few times and can barely understand what he says!

i'll admit for you to attack me then, once i had a cool job and got a nice christmas bonus and on new year's eve while i was about to step over him for the billionth time, i went to the store next door and gave him a bottle of vodka and never seen him so happy.

i totally knew that was an odd thing to do, but whatever. i said i wouldn't comment on this thread anymore so i won't but it brought up personal issues of people like this i see everyday. i don't understand how they get neglected for so long and none of this has to do with us helping each other here.
it was not a 'misunderstanding', certainly a touchy subject with me, i've tried to reconcile with this since i was young and about 20 years now.
maybe i will avoid these threads in the future.
i know this comment was long & boring, but still stand with the other ones.

anyway, the guy near me is so gone though it's obvious he can be detoxed but no one wants to touch him,
it's obvious to me i could not stay it that position for the rest of my life and i feel OP knows they would never end up like that too. it's a poor comparison and i found evidence in recovery as to why we don't make these comparisons.
to go beyond that only brings me to other issues.
basically these are human beings that struggle with addiction too.
we're ******* spoiled.