Haven't posted in awhile but wanted to update.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
Haven't posted in awhile but wanted to update.
It's been almost a year since I posted and not sure anyone remembers me but lately I found myself coming back to these forums for comfort. So many people, with their advice and stories, helped me so much!
At the moment I'm still with my AH. This past year has been trying, to say the least. I did go to AlAnon for awhile but I've lapsed. Same with visiting this site. I've been trying to secure a job so I can follow through with leaving my AH, and retain my home since he's been the sole bread winner for a couple years. Jobs are plentiful, it seems, but I only got called for one interview which didn't pan out. However, I finally got a chance at another interview and today I received word that I got the job! My AH knows this is the beginning of the end, for over the past year we have fought plenty, and we really dislike each other. He still says he loves me and says if I only would let him love me, we could make this work, whatever that means! I have kept my goal of leaving him at the forefront, which obviously has lead to a lot of fights, but I didn't want him to think for one second anything was changing without HIM changing his drinking habits! The fighting and contention have actually helped in getting him to want to leave too and not always giving me a hard time about it.
He has not quit drinking, so RIGHT NOW he knows he has a couple months (as well as I) to save some money so he can get an apartment. I know he is just as tired as I am of the situation. Not his drinking, of course, just the arguing and hatred on my part, that accompanies it.
I am finally on the way to being as free as I can of this insanity! I do still share children with him so obviously I have to deal with him somewhat, but as of right now I have gotten him to agree to certain stipulations in the divorce. My #1 fear in divorcing him is leaving my children in his care overnight for visitation because I know he will be drunk and unable to care for them properly (they're still little). I have gotten him to agree that if I take less money than I could get for child support, he agrees not to have them overnight. He gets quite a bit of furniture and other things, but not things like the stove and refrigerator, or washer and dryer. Just things like bedroom sets, grill, recliners, etc. and he seems content with that.
Yes I'm disappointed that my marriage is ending, but I'm past feeling bad about it because I'm so miserable with him! I just want peace! I'm still unsure how much worse he'll get, but I know I'm not getting a job to support all the money that goes out on beer. He already has us in a bad place financially, and I struggle with that because I have always been good with my finances. It seems I am rambling now, so I will end this with saying that it may have taken awhile, but I am finally taking the steps to putting myself and my children in a better state of mind. I will update again when we actually finalize a divorce and he moves out, because I'm not entirely sure how it's going to go. He is not happy about this at all! I'm just hoping he is miserable enough with me that he wants out too!! (I know that sounds kind of bad!) I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a struggle financially for awhile, but the peace I'm going to get in my day-to-day life is going to be worth it!
Thank you again for letting me vent, giving me thoughts to chew on, and sharing your experiences. There are plenty here that have had it far worse than I! Wish me luck!
At the moment I'm still with my AH. This past year has been trying, to say the least. I did go to AlAnon for awhile but I've lapsed. Same with visiting this site. I've been trying to secure a job so I can follow through with leaving my AH, and retain my home since he's been the sole bread winner for a couple years. Jobs are plentiful, it seems, but I only got called for one interview which didn't pan out. However, I finally got a chance at another interview and today I received word that I got the job! My AH knows this is the beginning of the end, for over the past year we have fought plenty, and we really dislike each other. He still says he loves me and says if I only would let him love me, we could make this work, whatever that means! I have kept my goal of leaving him at the forefront, which obviously has lead to a lot of fights, but I didn't want him to think for one second anything was changing without HIM changing his drinking habits! The fighting and contention have actually helped in getting him to want to leave too and not always giving me a hard time about it.
He has not quit drinking, so RIGHT NOW he knows he has a couple months (as well as I) to save some money so he can get an apartment. I know he is just as tired as I am of the situation. Not his drinking, of course, just the arguing and hatred on my part, that accompanies it.
I am finally on the way to being as free as I can of this insanity! I do still share children with him so obviously I have to deal with him somewhat, but as of right now I have gotten him to agree to certain stipulations in the divorce. My #1 fear in divorcing him is leaving my children in his care overnight for visitation because I know he will be drunk and unable to care for them properly (they're still little). I have gotten him to agree that if I take less money than I could get for child support, he agrees not to have them overnight. He gets quite a bit of furniture and other things, but not things like the stove and refrigerator, or washer and dryer. Just things like bedroom sets, grill, recliners, etc. and he seems content with that.
Yes I'm disappointed that my marriage is ending, but I'm past feeling bad about it because I'm so miserable with him! I just want peace! I'm still unsure how much worse he'll get, but I know I'm not getting a job to support all the money that goes out on beer. He already has us in a bad place financially, and I struggle with that because I have always been good with my finances. It seems I am rambling now, so I will end this with saying that it may have taken awhile, but I am finally taking the steps to putting myself and my children in a better state of mind. I will update again when we actually finalize a divorce and he moves out, because I'm not entirely sure how it's going to go. He is not happy about this at all! I'm just hoping he is miserable enough with me that he wants out too!! (I know that sounds kind of bad!) I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a struggle financially for awhile, but the peace I'm going to get in my day-to-day life is going to be worth it!
Thank you again for letting me vent, giving me thoughts to chew on, and sharing your experiences. There are plenty here that have had it far worse than I! Wish me luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 25
Can you not put a stipulation in your divorce that he is not to consume alcohol 24 hours prior to visit (and during visit) with the children? If he breaches this, then visits can be suspended, terminated, or must be supervised by someone of your approval.
Best of luck to you. I know how painful and difficult these decisions are. It takes a lot of strength and courage. Take good care.
Best of luck to you. I know how painful and difficult these decisions are. It takes a lot of strength and courage. Take good care.
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