DrSober

It was kind of weird. They brought over a bottle of wine (even though a few weeks ago I told them they shouldn't) to have before we went out to dinner, and my wife offered to open it and let them have a couple of glasses of wine before we went out to dinner. No bottle opener around - no drinks. Oh well.

My wife is in recovery too, also doesn't drink, but has a few years under her belt. So I'm not going to stress about the fact my parents brought booze into the house when I told them not to. There was one uncomfortable moment that evening when my wife mentioned she had to leave early to attend an Al-Anon meeting. She explained to my parents (without thinking) that I "couldn't" go to Al-Anon meetings, those were just for family members of addicts and alcoholics. I looked at her and said, "uh, wait a minute, yes I can go to those meetings" (because you're an alcoholic in recovery too!). She quickly corrected herself. We talked later and she apologized to me for that. She's never actually admitted to my parents that she's in recovery too - I told her that would be nice eventually if she did, but obviously I can't make her tell my parents things if she doesn't want to.

Anyways, so the weirdness with my parents was that I didn't drink with them, didn't have the everpresent beer in my hand when I hung out with them. It made it much harder for me to know what to say to them for some reason. I felt a little angry with them throughout the evening and I wasn't sure why. It was strange.

But, I survived. They took us out to Chinese and they got to have their wine with dinner, which seemed to make them happy (they've been heavy drinkers all of their lives, but I would have trouble saying they're alcoholics). Kids enjoyed the evening too.

Just wanted to share. Going on 43 days sober as of today. For the most part, things are going great, really wonderful between me and my wife. Call it a pink cloud if you want, but I so don't want to jeopardize this great thing I've got going with my beautiful wife - so I won't, period.

aw58

Hi well done on 43 days. You and your wife are doing really great. yes you could go to al anon but to be honest as your wife is now sober I wouldn't have thought it was healthy to bring up her past when you are trying to sort out your own issues. Your parents need to respect your wishes its your home, you don't have to explain why. Just next time you get together maybe meet at the restaurant that way you wont be put in that position. One day you may well be strong enough and feel comfortable in them drinking in your home , but it is your home ...

Anna

I feel fortunate that I don't talk to family members or friends about my alcoholism. At first, I wondered if I should because I felt guilty and 'less than'. But, I decided to wait and see what happened. What I found is that many, if not all people, have a side of themselves they are not proud of. Why put it out there? I don't like having attention focused on me. My recovery is very personal. SR is the place where I talk about recovery.

I'm glad your evening went well.

tootsl1

You said you felt angry with them but couldn't say why. One of the reasons we drink is 'cope' with strong emotions. Perhaps your anger at your parents is dated and now just beginning to surface. Another time, try to think of how old you feel when you get that anger. I have issues with my father and have different emotions for different ages. I am learning to listen to my inner child and not suppress her.
Then again it could also have been frustration that they could drink tonight and you couldn't!

least

Glad you had a good sober evening.

DrSober

I guess. I just don't like how it's a big secret that she's been in recovery for years that she has to keep from my parents but it's all out in the open with me. I mean, if she doesn't want to tell them, I guess that's fine. It just felt like it went a little too far for her to say I "can't" go to Al-Anon, as if she isn't in recovery herself and wasn't an active alcoholic years ago.

I know, it's probably bad for me to get aggravated over that. It wasn't a big deal though, ultimately. We didn't fight (far from it), we had a nice talk after and otherwise it *was* a good evening.

Not sure why my rule about having the house be a "no drinking zone" wasn't ultimately honored, though. I thought I was clear about that with everyone. Of course, my mom is the one when I was in rehab and she was attending a family session who said, "why can't you just have a drink every once in a while"?

aw58

why can't you just have a drink every once in a while"? !!!!


oh my that's what my Hubby said to me , till I explained I cant have just one get it through your skull gggrrrr

I think your wife just sees herself as a sober person now and probably momentarily forgot , wow how nice

quitforme79

Thanks for your post Drsober. I find that with all "firsts" I am a little uncomfortable but when I do them again it's with more ease. Things just keep getting better. Congrats on 43 days